9
   

An "Ask Auntie Lowan" Digression.

 
 
blatham
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Oct, 2008 08:09 am
Stillwater
You ask a lot, sot.

The hangover, normally a consequence of Saturday, is the first hint of God's loving embrace, lasting through Sunday. The rest of the week, you are on your own, embrace-wise. At least, that's the way my Mennonite theology has it. But apparently you've got an optional off-Sabbath embracer. Which leads us to the one point on which I might assist.

Quote:
5. a blow-up sex-toy in my refriggerator


First, NEVER FORGET the wisdoms of Tom Waits. He has something for all occasions and if this isn't an occasion, well I just don't know what an occasion would be...
"I told you once
And I'll tell you again
Don't defrost the icebox
With a ball-point pen"

Second, leave the sex toy in the refriggerator until next Saturday, remove quickly, tie it down over the hood of your Oldsmobile and drive fast as the wind to the college football game parking lot. Go in and watch the game, it'll be good. Buy a frankfurter, double mustard. After the game, go back out to the parking lot and untie the sex toy. Drag it home, Neanderthal style. Leave the Oldsmobile, which is a piece of ****. Arriving home, you'll find the toy will - FINALLY - listen to you.



dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Oct, 2008 08:18 am
@blatham,
I thought a "refriggerator" was a mechanical device to assist the devoted wanker, whose hand had grown nunb?
blatham
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Oct, 2008 08:20 am
@dlowan,
Axiom: All de wankers are 'devoted'.
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Oct, 2008 04:20 am
@blatham,
Well, as they say: When you can't be with the one you love.....
blatham
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Oct, 2008 08:14 am
@Mr Stillwater,
On this one, they have it right.
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Oct, 2008 07:54 pm
Feeling better now, thanks.

Oh MAD* -

http://www.advancedgraphics.com/store/pc/catalog/woz.jpg

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door and found a little girl with a dog, a cyborg with an ax, the hideous result of genetic blending of human and lion genes and Michael ******* Jackson (the hideous result of the genetic blending of Mr and Mrs Jackson). I shot all the freaks and the dog, and imprisoned the little girl in my cellar.

What should I do with these corpses and where is 'over the rainbow'? Frankly I'd be happy to send the little bimbo back to Kansas - all this singing is getting on my nerves.

*Magnificent Auntie Deb
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Oct, 2008 08:00 pm
@Mr Stillwater,
having viewed said material many times, ignore the monkeys, and beware the possum behind the curtain...

(red shoes just don't f*ckin' work)
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Oct, 2008 08:15 pm
@Rockhead,
Red shoes are the only thing guaranteed to work.

Ask any real woman. <nods>
hamburger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Oct, 2008 09:20 pm
@ehBeth,
ehbeth wrote :

Quote:
Red shoes are the only thing guaranteed to work.


yes . that's what the pope said too : "make mine GUCCI " .

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44584000/jpg/_44584149_1redshoes_afp_466.jpg

hope you have someone to shine your red shoes <GRIN>
hbg
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 12:02 am
@Mr Stillwater,
Mr Stillwater wrote:

Feeling better now, thanks.

Oh MAD* -

http://www.advancedgraphics.com/store/pc/catalog/woz.jpg

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door and found a little girl with a dog, a cyborg with an ax, the hideous result of genetic blending of human and lion genes and Michael ******* Jackson (the hideous result of the genetic blending of Mr and Mrs Jackson). I shot all the freaks and the dog, and imprisoned the little girl in my cellar.

What should I do with these corpses and where is 'over the rainbow'? Frankly I'd be happy to send the little bimbo back to Kansas - all this singing is getting on my nerves.

*Magnificent Auntie Deb



Go directly to Prison, do not pass Go.



Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 12:18 am
@dlowan,
Quote:
Go directly to Prison, do not pass Go.


Well, Litttle Miss Negativity - I was kinda hoping for some more... practical advice. Guess I'm going to do what I always do in these situations..... When the going gets tough, the tough get weird (Hunter T).

http://www.shredderhotline.com/images/newshredder.jpg
Quote:
The Shear Shredder first used to cut cow and horse manure for agricultural applicaitons. It was applied to the waste industry over the last 30 years where it has become the primary technolgy for tire shredding, drum shredding and other types of shearing applications. The use of high torque hydraulic and electrical drive designs has opened new uses for this technology
0 Replies
 
margo
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 12:26 am
@hamburger,
Quote:

yes . that's what the pope said too : "make mine GUCCI " .


I thought his were Prada.

There was much discussion on this topic when the Pope dropped by in July to frighten the locals!
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 02:21 am
@margo,
Quote:
I thought his were Prada


They're Manolo Blaniks 4 Men...
http://manolomen.com/images/manolo-blahniks-for-men.jpg

and we all know what you gotta do to get a pair, don't we????
http://www.collegecandy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/11/sex-and-the-city-main.jpg

dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 07:28 am
@Mr Stillwater,
I don't get the whole Blahnik thing.
patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 02:24 pm
@dlowan,
Nor I, but it would appear that there's a casting call for the Scottish Play, and the part of Lady MacBeth already has been cast...
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 04:09 pm
@patiodog,
Quote:
the part of Lady MacBeth already has been cast


Yep, so the vital part of Macbeth's horse goes to....

Quote:
MACBETH
When therewithal we shall have cause of state
Craving us jointly. Hie you to horse: adieu,

Enter horse......
http://www.doobybrain.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/horse.jpg
patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 04:33 pm
@Mr Stillwater,
Enter horse?

Well, I suppose that's better than the reverse...
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 04:38 pm
@patiodog,
patiodog wrote:

Enter horse?

Well, I suppose that's better than the reverse...



Bring on the empty horses.
patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 04:41 pm
@dlowan,
Don't forget your Trojans.
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 09:06 pm
@patiodog,
That would be the FULL horses.
 

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