Should I stay with my boyfriend?

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Hi thanks in advance for any help, me and my boyfriend have a baby together, we argue a lot I have become very resentful of him, we have been together for four years and there have been a lot of problems first he has a daughter from a previous relationship who hates me whatever I do her mother also hates me,it became worse when they started accusing me of mistreatment of the child for no reason, I have my own kids so it makes me nervous, and in the end the kid accused my boyfriend of beating her to the police because she was mad at him for spending time with me, the police realised straight away it was lies luckily I said in the end that she couldn't be at our house anymore because I can't always have a target on my back. It would be ok if this was happening to us and we were a team but he has thrown me under the bus many times when it comes to his child, I know he's scared of having no access if he doesn't do what they tell him to but it's been three yrs of this, I am a nice person probably too nice and I have two amazing well rounded older kids that I want to enjoy. He is an everyday weed smoker I hate it he has agreed to not do it at home or be under the influence of now we have a baby but now he goes to his friends to do it until 1 am. He is very insecure and jealous and doesn't like me going out with my friends if I do he makes my life hell for days. He earns more than me but always runs out of money way before pay day which leaves me in a constant state of anxiety saving all I have to make sure my kids don't go without all month. It is all just running through my head at the moment all the time I'm the type of person to stay and make things work but I'm not sure I can live like this anymore I'm constantly angry and depressed .

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,171 • Replies: 32

@Square285,

He would rather pay for weed than for food for his own child.

He does what he pleases and gives you grief when you try to do the same at all.

His insecurity is turning you into a nervous wreck.

Why stay?

1 Reply

@jespah,

Thanks, he has a good job despite the habit, the weed does take money but it is his other expenses that he deems important that take up most of it,while I can never spend anything on myself Out of fear we won't have enough, I guess I stay because we have a baby x

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@Square285,

Then your baby will grow up learning that women are supposed to just take a load of crap whereas men can do whatever the hell they please.

His other baby mama is getting along without him. While she may have her own problems, she still is.

PS If you sue him for child support, he will have to stop screwing around and make sure your child is paid support, or he'll risk jail time. That will either get him to quit smoking in order to satisfy the court order or he'll spend some time in stir (where he won't get weed, either).

Please do what is best for your child. Staying in what looks like a borderline abusive situation from my vantage point is not the best thing for you or your child.

1 Reply

@jespah,

I actually did find him quite abusive the last time I went out with my
Friends, he went on for three days saying I probably cheated on him and all girls are like that, I never have been like that and I have three daughters and don't want them to hear this, my heart was beating so fast every time his car pulled up outside I know this shouldn't be happening.
I live in the uk they don't do much about child support not being paid.

1 Reply

@Square285,

Square285 wrote:

the weed does take money but it is his other expenses that he deems important that take up most of it

So he doesn't deem expenses related to his child as important? Or at least as important as pot or whatever else he's doing?

Nice.

I'm hoping you see a trend with all of your answers.

So child support laws are very good where you are? What difference does that make, he's not contributing anyway.

Bottom line, you're ******* up your child with all this, by the kid learning this is all normal. It will be how the adult he/she becomes handles relationships.

1 Reply

@Square285,

Square285 wrote:

I live in the uk they don't do much about child support not being paid.

They do if you claim benefit. They want to reduce that bill as quickly as possible.

Contact the Citizen's advice bureau and get an appointment, they have trained advisors who can talk you through the necessary steps. It's good to know in any event.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

0 Replies

@chai2,

He pays the rent, but sometimes not all of it, I have to find the money for everything else with mat pay, because he buys fags, fuel to get to work, his lunch , he takes his daughter to do things twice a week that costs a lot he will buy the odd thing for the house if I ask, he bought none of the things we needed for the baby before she was born or after, cot pram etc, I bought it all as I was working full time while I was pregnant but he made a lot more than me

1 Reply

@Square285,

And you're continuing your litany of what an asshole he is because.......?

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@Square285,

I find it hard to comprehend that you even need to ask the question (should I stay with him?). The only word I have for such an environment, is toxic.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

I know I've seen people in worse situations with an easier way out stay, I don't know why it happens, when I think about leaving I think about my baby going to him for access by herself at least this way I'm always there, his daughter from his ex also has many behavioral problems and likes to hurt animals and small kids, at the moment he sees this child away from our home and in public so she can't make anymore false accusations, me and the baby go sometimes too but I'm always there to supervise her.

1 Reply

@Square285,

It ended last night, we argued and I tried to get something out of his pocket that was mine and pulled on his coat, he grabbed and squeezed my arms and I have marks all over them and a cut on my hand I think it was my fault tho.

1 Reply

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I am going off track here n just bluntly say I don't understand this cultural American trait of asking questions only one can answer...this resorting to constant social approval (should or should I not this and that) is one of the sources of American cultural decline for fraks sake...lost patience sorry !

1 Reply

@Square285,

It's not your fault.

Consider it a learning experience, take care of yourself and your children, and it'll be okay.

0 Replies

@Fil Albuquerque,

I don't understand how someone can hear of someone experiencing abuse and react like you have done. She's not even American, she's British. People who are in abusive relationships end up second guessing themselves because their opinion is always being put down. It's not a uniquely American phenomenon.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

Partially true partially fair...I went off track because in my particular experience I see it more often in American culture. Obviously the phenomena is not exclusively American (quite common everywhere)... I think you miss the point...I was not focusing on the topic per se but rather on a general tendence of ppl abusing the web to ask for social approval on matters no one but themselves are qualified to analise. Here in A2K its everyday and one gets fed up with the amount of stupidity of some of the questions...I am not a wizard to guess what really happens between doors in ppl's life. You have confused the package of my comment with its implicity substance... It was an expected easy pot shot...thanks for trying anyway.

1 Reply

@Fil Albuquerque,

Why do that on a thread started by someone being abused when you could have started your own thread?

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

And the OP certainly has no idea other people have come to A2K and ... ooh ... asked a less than wonderful question, or were just hoping for validation or a pep talk.

I know some questions can get repetitive and tiresome, or it can seem as if the obvious solution continues to evade such users. But there is a really obvious solution for the replier.

No one has to read any of those topics if they do not want to. But for people who are in abusive situations, if you cannot help them, I say to all - kindly collapse the topic and move on with your lives. If you feel like making fun of a guy who cannot get up the courage to ask a woman out, then feel free to do so and show everyone how nasty, petty, and unfeeling you can be, and how you have forgotten what it was like to be young. Please, show the world how your empathy stores have run out, and how your kindness meter has broken.

But for abused people? Like I said, no one's making you read or comment on any of them. Please do the biggest favor for them, if you cannot help them or at least give them some support, and collapse their topics.

Thank you.

2 Replies

@jespah,

Fair n just...I admit I just lost patience...my latin blood is real in spite of my mix with German coolness.

0 Replies

@jespah,

Go back n search my replies Jespah..I have often give good advice...but sometimes ppl just make such absurd questions and we see them so often on forums that one ends up wondering if the world has gone bananas...maybe I am wrong but in my days ppl seemed more mature even in their 20's...nowadays ppl need to much nurturing and do very little self-thinking...they google answers for their private life which no one but their thinking brain should answer. After all only they have all the facts n details.

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Should I stay with my boyfriend?

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