Fiance rather take "bucket list" vacations with his BFF

So you get to say which of these trips you would care to go on, and what your expectations are.

What about his getting to say he doesn't care for you to go on these trips, and what his expectations are?

Why is it important for you to necessarily go on trips that are specifically agreed upon (over decades) to be for the men, when other trips to the same, or other places can be arranged for either the 2 of you, or a group?

It seems like you are not so much interested in figuring out a way to make alternative or additional plans for the 2 of you, as much as marking your territory. Not only that, but marking them on your terms.

Peg, I hope you put this into perspective.

You guys aren't kids; he has done this for years. You two can go on your own advernture, with or without other couples.

Don't do anything you might regret.

I think I get both sides on this. To me the question is time - our poster has what, five weeks off a year. She would enjoy seeing exotic places with her husband. He's already spending a lot of time at all this, if not every year.

I can picture myself in her place, wanting these great, exotic trips to be available to me, his wife, but no go.

I think I'd avoid the marriage.

Let him go and have fun with his mates!! There's time for both surely?

Yea, osso, I agree. The guy's priorities are screwed.

How do you figure that ci, when you travel the world without your spouse?

Yes, I read you'd like it if she went with you, but she doesn't want to go.... so you go anyway.

If she'd wanted to go, you would go.
If you didn't want her to go, you would go.
If she doesn't want to go, you would go.

So, regardless of your wifes take on it, you go.

You mean to tell me with how much you live for travel, if she indicated she wanted to stay home, and didn't want you to see the world, meet with all the people you know, you would have stayed home.

Note, I said IF she indicated.

Either you'd go anyway, because it's that important to you, or you'd stay home and be miserable, and resent her.
.

My wife hates foreign travel; I love it- having traveled to over 80 countries.
Our relationship allows us to pursue our own interests.
She enjoys our trips to Hawaii, so we're going next month for 10 days to spend with my sister and her husband. We're staying at my nephews condo on the 40th floor with the site of diamond head from the dining room, and a few blocks from Waikiki beach.
I'm fortunate to have a travel buddy from Canada. We have traveled all over the world together. We're talking about a trip to Cuba for Oct or Nov.

Yes.
That's exactly what I just said!

So she hates it....you go.
She love it....you go.

Regardless of the situation, you go.

If I had a partner I got along with very well most of the time, I would let him spend time with his friends doing something which they have done for years.
If I joined them - it would be no fun for them nor for me.
I am with cicerone - it is fun to do things together, but also seperate.
You can then tell new things which both experienced seperate.
My husbond and I did not always travel together. We could trust one another 100% and that is very important.

c.i., in the years when you travelled a lot, did your wife ask you to stay home with her rather than travel?

the OP's fiance already spends somewhere in the range of 5 - 8 weeks a year travelling without her - with his friends. she has indicated no problem with that.

she is asking to be included in one trip every couple of years .

Not even sure how to respond to this one. "One Trip" is all it would take for me to feel guilty not to mention opportunity lost to spend with my soul mate. The entire time I would be thinking my wife should be here to see this. That's just me maybe we are all wired differently.

Never.
My travel buddy and I are planning a trip to Cuba, and my wife said she wants wants to go only because I have health issues. I've had kidney failure, and I now must take some meds that are not daily, and she worries I will fail to take my pills on the right days, because my memory has been getting worse.
I have seen pill cases with days of the week on them for morning, noon or night. I think that would work.

The point is he has given his wife the OPTION of traveling with him. (Cicerone imposter). Since PEG44 fiance travels with his friends 5-6 weeks every year then I agree she should be given the option of whether or not she wants to go on the big "once in a lifetime" trips every couple of years (he has said they are once in a lifetime so it's not like he is going back with him the next year). When you get married priorities SHOULD change. The spouse should become more important than the friends and this is who he should take these big trips with (in my opinion). If he wants to continue doing everything with his buddies maybe he should remain single.
She isn't asking to break the yearly "male" traditions so that seems more than fair. Personally I agree that this would be a deal breaker if he continued putting friends ahead of marriage.

I have many times met Tak, Cicerone, and we routinely argue online but of course I love him.
I and others of us met his wife, Lucy, in San Francisco.

They have their deal.

One way or another?

where have you been?

can it wait til you get me home

hidden message? lol

I'm not so sure it should be a deal breaker or not. I think the wife has the option of traveling with her friends or going solo, although I understand it's not that simple to travel alone as a woman. However, in my many travels, I have met several solo women in tour groups. On one of my trips to Russia, a woman came up to me and asked if my name was XXX, and I said yes. She said she has traveled with me before. I didn't recognize her when she approached me the first time, but as the tour progressed, she looked more familiar.
In my many solo travels, many couples have invited me to join them on tours or for meals. I've met some interesting people that way. One was Bob Brodsky (and his wife Patti), the rocket scientist who taught Astronautics at USC and Iowa State University. We kept in touch for many years after our trip, but he has since passed away. I met Dan Piel on a trip to South Africa, a graphic artist who taught Graphics at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo. He gave me an original oil painting after we returned from the trip that now hangs in our entry hallway. He has his artwork hanging in the Smithsonian in DC. I have met many people in foreign countries such as London. I met Lindsay Hamilton, a singer who has performed solo in London, and also directed musicals there. I recently met Francisco Baez in Mexico City. He taught at the university for ten years, and is now Editor of the English newspaper in Mexico. I know Hiroshi Robaina, the owner of the largest tobacco farm in Cuba. I also know his father, Carlos, who runs a restaurant. His grandfather, Alejandro, is the icon of cigar in Cuba. His picture and or statues are in most cigar stores in Cuba. Traveling has enriched my life in ways I could not have dreamed as a youngster growing up in Sacramento.
I need to add that a2k has been a good source for meeting people around the world. I met Sergei in Moscow, and he gave me a whole day tour of his home town that most tourist do not see. He met me at the Tretyakov Gallery in Moscow where I fell in love with Russian art. The story telling in their painting is very moving. We also visited the Pushkin Museum of Art.