@Chase3,
Chase3 wrote:
Long story I met my wife five years ago.at first things are great one problem I was actually the one who was cheating on her I was receiving oral from a girl that I had known for six years before this point. It was not a continuous thing but over 2 yrs It happened maybe 10 times. Two years into our relationship my wife then my girlfriend found out about the cheating, she went to an old phone of mine . She was devastated and threaten to leave me but me and her son from a previous marriage had bonded and we just had our first child together so she said she would try to make it work . This was over 3 1/2 years ago. I am 35 and my wife is 25 so there is a 10 year age difference between us . Once she found out I knew that I wanted my family with her and I never cheated or did anything to betray her again, recently I came to find out by doing some snooping that 3 1/2 years ago when she found out she contacted the other girls boyfriend and they met up and they had sex one time purely for revenge, when I found out I lost it and contacted the other guy he confirmed it was only one time and they never spoke again . Doing the last three years I have been made to feel guilty and ashamed of what I did because I knew what I was doing was wrong all the while she was playing the victim. In those three years we had another daughter which is a total of three children now and we've had our ups and downs but to my knowledge she has not cheated again, although she did voluntarily tell me that she opened AnAshley Madison account but never met with anybody so she says . The problem is that I find it really hard to trust her or that she didn't do anything with anybody else because she was able to meet a complete stranger and have unprotected sex with him now I know what I did was wrong but the girl and I have been friends for years before and it just continued into the early parts of my relationship with my wife. Now I feel ashamed that I married a woman who it was so easy for to go sleep with a stranger and never speak to him again she also claims that she was not sexually attracted to him and did not enjoy the act it was purely for revenge mostly to get back at the other girl . I find it hard to believe that she had sex with someone who she did not find attractive . Now my mind is racing that every time she's had an opportunity in the last three years she could have had sex with strangers and never spoke to them again and I would have never found out just by chance I found out about that girl boyfriend.. I don't know what to do I love my family and I couldn't imagine being away from my children now I have matured a lot and I know what I want out of life . Any suggestions on how I can deal with this or how I should handle it but I just can't seem to stop thinking about it . When speaking with the other guy he also told me that it was very awkward between them and she messaged him right after that she didn't want to see him again when I confronted her about it she said she didn't feel like cheating it was just to get back at at me and the other girl when I ask her if she could have sex with someone that she didn't like what would stop her from finding someone that she did find attractive she said that if she wouldn't have found the guy attractive or found another guy that she would have felt too guilty and that's why she told me about Ashley Madison
This is not unusual. The best thing is to deal with it. Stop thinking hypotheticals, they will kill you. You both are even now. Regardless if she has cheated since is irrelevant without proof. Let it go.
Think of it as if starting over and that she had been with someone prior to you. There is no betrayal if you change your minds perspective.
The odd thing about monogamy is people feel it's owed to them and when it's been violated they feel justice is necessary. Its such odd behavior. You have no problem if your wife was sexually active before dating you but it's an insult if she has sex with someone else while you are together.
Some women can have unusual ways to justify cheating. For some, sex is fine but kissing is too intimate. So they have no problem with having sex with a guy they feel nothing for as long as he doesn't kiss her. Its odd but it happens.
I'm not a fan of monagomy at all. But I understand it's a societal norm. The best way to deal with this is to decide in your mind youll delete the past. From this moment on is all that matters. If evidence pops up from this moment on then you'll address it. But everything in the past has been paid. You deserved her revenge even if it's a little strange. hi
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