His thoughts behind not being in an official relationship don't make sense:
-"I'm afraid of being hurt after being too deep into you,"
...being official (or not) is irrelevant to how deep into you he is, so....he'd be hurt whether or not it was official, right?
- But he expects you to stay true to him while he's gone...even though he's not in a relationship with you, right?
In terms of what you want - if you look at how people do things normally
, 4 months of dating without being in a relationship usually only occurs in: friends with benefits; or; when one person is using the other. You could fall into both categories.
The only proviso I would add to the above is that is in normal
situations. There are always exceptions, though nothing you've described is exceptional.
Lastly, I would suggest that you give attention to personal growth, as doing so will help improve many things in your life: your self esteem, conflict management, respectfulness (from and towards you), and reduce jealousy, anxiety, and neediness. All of these things will improve your happiness, and the quality of your relationships (with friends, and lovers)