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Am I too controlling? How much is too much?

 
 
Reply Sat 17 Dec, 2016 10:53 pm
I'm the kind of person who, when in a relationship or dating, feels like I should know my mate's whereabouts at all times. When I don't know, I feel suspicious. I don't generally make a big deal of it; I just ask whenever I hear from them again, "What have you done all day? Where have you been all day?"

I also find it weird that the guy I date never wants to go to parties and things with me. We go grocery shopping and out to eat together sometimes, but he never takes me to parties with him and never wants to party with me. He gets drunk with his other female friends and goes out with them. We reconvene afterward. His reasoning is, "My female friends don't go out with guys they date." He didn't even go with me to some of our friends' graduation the other day. We went to the same graduation ceremony but drove with separate people and sat separately.

It also upsets me that he can go hours without texting me and not be bothered. Months ago, he would double-text me if I didn't reply within 30 minutes... I don't like this change because he has a habit of not texting me when he's with his female friends. I've expressed my concern about this, but his reasoning is, "I don't check my phone every 30 minutes."
Also, it concerns me because I only check my phone regularly because I'm waiting for him to text back. I look forward to hearing from him all day... He used to be that way with me too, it seemed. I fear that he's not as excited about hearing from me anymore.

Lastly, he has a female friend who I am 78% sure likes him, and he's starting to see it too. So I told him that I want him to invite me over more while she's at his place so I can feel more at ease about their friendship (and secretly so she won't try any funny business)... He hasn't been going through with that request even though he said he would, and he has an excuse every time she comes over (the excuses make sense, but I still feel they are invalid).

Am I asking too much with any of these situations? Am I being too controlling?
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Sat 17 Dec, 2016 11:03 pm
Yes you are asking way too much.

If you have so little going on in you your life that you can't go for 30 minutes without a text, I think you need to develop a more rounded personality and scope of interests. Honesty, you sound as if you'd be very boring to be around.

Plus the fact you need to know someone's whereabouts at all times and get suspicious indicates you are not very interesting as well.
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 08:13 am
Your insecurity and his unwillingness to commit makes for a stressful relationship.

You could have not chosen a worse man to unload your neediness.

You don't really have a relationship, you know.


ChickenMate
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 09:26 am
@chai2,
I'm a pretty busy person most of the time. I don't mind not having a text when I know he's busy. It's when he's not busy that it bothers me that he didn't even bother to text me or when he's not texting me because he's with a female- makes me feel like I'm being put to the side for this female. Also, it's the fact that he used to wait on my texts but now doesn't mind my not texting him for hours, as though he's not as interested anymore.

I honestly don't think my desire to know all of this makes me any less interesting or fun to be around. I think it just shows my insecurities about him.
0 Replies
 
ChickenMate
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 09:29 am
@PUNKEY,
You're right. It's not a real relationship; although, we supposedly are exclusive.

If this were a real relationship though, would this still be too much to ask?
chai2
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 09:57 am
@ChickenMate,
ChickenMate wrote:

If this were a real relationship though, would this still be too much to ask?


This is too much to ask for any relationship.

Are you just going to keep asking until someone says what you want?

I'll take "yes" for $200 Alex.
ChickenMate
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 10:59 am
@chai2,
I haven't asked this question more than once. I was asking Punkey because of the way their response was worded and it sparked a follow-up question for their specific answer. I already had your opinion. But I disliked the way you attacked my character and my value as a companion without any valid, relevant references, so in all honesty, I was looking for a second more reasonable opinion. Yours comes off very unreasonable with your unsupported attacks.

The way Punkey's response is worded, I took it to mean that since he and I aren't fully in a relationship, this is too much to ask. Therefore, I was wondering if that means that it's only too much to ask because we aren't In a full relationship and if that means it would be more reasonable in a full-out relationship.. I'm also curious to know if it's only too much to ask because the kind of person he is... because I don't get bothered by people asking my whereabouts (he doesn't act bothered by that anyway, though but I still want to know if that's too much because I don't want to push him away).
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
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Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 11:08 am
It's too much to ask. Period.

You don't like my responses because it's not what you want to hear.
ChickenMate
 
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Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 02:06 pm
@chai2,
Like I said, I don't like your first or second response because you attacked/insulted me without any real reason. Saying I'm not fun to be around? That I'm not interesting or well-rounded? That I will continue to ask the same question until I get an answer I like, even though this was the first time I asked this? ? That was all out of line,rude, and you had no basis for it.

I appreciated your reply until you became rude and insulting. It is that simple. Thank you for your opinion but the rest of the silliness was ignornnt and uncalled for. Therefore, your opinion is invalid to me and I was looking for someone else's opinion/elaboration. I like reasoning. Reasoning helps me understand why something is wrong thereby preventing me from doing it again. Unwarranted accusations and rudeness turn me away because they show ignorance.
0 Replies
 
ChickenMate
 
  2  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 02:24 pm
@chai2,
Also (sorry to continue this back and forth with you), looking at your previous responses to posts, you have a healthy record of being overly rude and
critical of people's character without reason. They also respond like I did, exhibiting some unhappiness with your unkindness, and you respond similarly each time: "You just don't like that my answer isn't what you want to hear, so get over it."
chai2
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 04:20 pm
@ChickenMate,
ChickenMate wrote:

Also (sorry to continue this back and forth with you), looking at your previous responses to posts, you have a healthy record of being overly rude and
critical of people's character without reason. They also respond like I did, exhibiting some unhappiness with your unkindness, and you respond similarly each time: "You just don't like that my answer isn't what you want to hear, so get over it."


Yep. 100% correct.

Get over it.
0 Replies
 
angrybride2017
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 01:08 am
@ChickenMate,
i think you should know where ypur partner is at all times when you are in a real relationship. communicating these things creates trust and reassurance. you are right chicken mate. dont let the haters here tell you any different.

plus, it is absolutely disrespectful and thoughtless to not include you in his life.

these ppl are just trolls.
0 Replies
 
emilyxoxo
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 02:08 am
@ChickenMate,
You are not controlling. You have a right to know and he has a right to know where you are. The fact that he is not inviting you is very suspicious and not fair.You should be able to party together- ur in a relationship!!!!!

The whole texting thing- thats not fair too. If he was constantly texting you before and now doesn't then clearly his true colours are showing. If he's working then don't expect a text.. but someone who loves you and respects you will try to contact you as much as they can. This is someone who enjoys talking to you. Just my opinion.

Stand your ground, you have a right too! You have a right to be part of his life and hang with his friends.
0 Replies
 
angrybride2017
 
  0  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 10:56 pm
@ChickenMate,
I thought i replied to this yesterday .

it isnt too much to ask. letting ypur partner know where ypu are creates trust and offers reassurance. you need that in a relationship. everyone does, for a good one at least, imo.

you are fine in what you're asking, if he cant commit and that is what youre looking for then you need to cut him. he isnt ready and nothing you do will make him that way.
0 Replies
 
 

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