I discovered my fiances secret porn life----eeeek

You and thousands of other women.

Your "problem" is not unique (unfortunately). When your fiance said he was sick you saw it he meant he was sick he got caught and has to deal with it. Part of the excitment for him was probably the secret. Have you discussed how you feel about porn before? Did he know before that you didn't like it? Is it the particular sites he is visiting or all porn? Could you live with him enjoying porn? Would you be willing to participate in watching porn with him (if he wants)? There are a million questions to ask. Just because he likes porn does not make him a nasty disgusting pig. He is still the caring man you got engaged to. What will make the difference here is whether he stops because he knows you don't like it or if the porn is more important. I don't get the comment on him using porn to think of you for sex. That makes no sense and I think he said that to try and make you feel better about it. Porn is all about the fantasy. Not the reality.

On another note, we all need to make compromises in marriage (here is your first marriage lesson). Perhaps the compromise here is that you watch porn together for excitment once in a while. Or maybe the compromise is that he is "allowed" to watch porn once a week but that you want no part in it. Or maybe it is that you agree to get married and he stops watching porn all together. I suggest you find out why he "needs" it once a day. Is he masturbating to it? If so and he feels he "needs" it and can't stop, maybe he is a sex addict. I know that sounds funny but there is such a thing. I suggest talking further about this. It absolutly needs to be resolved before the wedding.

You might also want to think about the fact that he may never stop looking at porn. I seriously think that he has a problem if he needs it and is doing it every day, especially if you have a healthy sex life. Good luck!

Enthusiast,

Thanks for your reply--other views are most helpful! I would be okay with him looking at playboy or even maxim. I just wished he would have been honest with me. I had asked him if he looked at porn a year ago and told him I was ok with it if he did. He said absolutely not--all he wanted was me (damn was I naive). I guess we just need to work out some kind of compromise. I would even watch a movie or two. It is hard to understand the sex drive of men and what they enjoy. I have great self confidence so that wouldn't be the issue here. Having a biology degree, I sometimes wonder if it is not a urge that is part of being the male species to mate with many women. I think I need to do some more research! I will talk with him--I know he feels badly about it and wants to work this out. Thanks again for your post!!

Men enjoy porn.

Probably...all men enjoy porn.

Get over it.

And from now on...stay out of his computer files...because that is a much lower thing to do than enjoying porn.

Well you seem open minded so thats a good thing you just need to get him to open up. Something made him hide it from you. Let him know your not so against it and would like to be involved in all aspects of his sex life.

I'm relating this to the red rose & white rose thing. You weren't by any chance a white rose, were you? Cos men..... they just like what they can't get. They'll never be satisfied... one of their general charcateristics. "Get over it" is a bit harsh.... I would say try to ignore that fact. >_<

cw, you say he's conservative, so maybe that's part of what is behind this. He thinks he shouldn't like porn, and tries not to like porn, but he likes porn. If asked about it, though, since he thinks he shouldn't like it, he says he doesn't...

Sigh...

Definitely agree with Kristie's advice about trying to figure out a compromise that you can both really live with before you get married. I italicize "really live with" because it sounds like it's very possible that he will say "OK, I'll stop", and actually mean it at the time but have a hard time keeping the promise. So then there will be resentment, or he'll go behind your back, or any number of not-good results.

So talk, talk honestly, talk realistically, and probably talk with some help -- but talk, and arrive at a realistic solution.

Good luck!

I repeat from other such threads....always started by a woman....jerking off or snooping around in other peoples business? I choose the former as the lesser sin.....

She tripped up on this discovery, the same as, back in the old days, women would find the nasty movie accidentally left in the vcr. It's bound to happen sooner or later.

I'm sorry he told you a tale but for whatever reason, he felt that he had to. Could that be what's bothering you even more? The fact that he lied about not being into porn when in actuality, he's very into it?

As Frank says, most men are into porn. It's just the nature of the beast.
The best thing for you to do is ignore it and leave him his space to indulge. The everyday thing is a little much tho. Every single day?

some of us are hornier than others eoe.. :wink:

Why do we seem to get so many of these threads here at A2K?

Google.

Had a couple of 'em, then this is what comes up when people type "I caught my husband looking at porn!" or whatever they type.

Interesting.

Apparently, you are and were aware of his "conservative" nature.

You just weren't aware of what "conservative" really signifies... sanctimony on the surface, raunch undercover.

Consider it an Educational Experience.

hmmmm, conservative on the surface, hotbox underneath. That's kind of intriguing, doncha think?

Everyday, Bear??? Checking out the porn?? It sounds like a problem, or the results of a problem, IMO.

I hope you don't think I was describing myself....I wouldn't even begin to know how to find pornography on the web......

I damn near just choked on my coffee!!!

They need to make a sticky at the top titled.

My significant other is watching porn. Let people respond and read that. That seems to be the biggest issue maybe its the ones who are not watching the porn who have the issues...

This way people don't have to make a new topic all the time. I have only been surfing this forum for a week and it already seems this is the hottest topic.

and the stickiest :wink:

That's because a lot of women are struggling with it. We don't get guys any more than guys get us. :wink: