Wed 30 Nov, 2016 10:55 am
Years ago my bestfriend went on a few dates with this really attractive girl. He always said he was going to bang the hell out of her. Things didnt go as he planned and it fell apart. i ended up hooking up with her soon after and i eventually married her. We are in our late 20s and have been married for 3 years now. We dont get to spend much time together during the weekdays. She works 8am-5pm. I work 3pm-midnight.
My bestfriend is still a bachelor. I will admit it that i have put on a few pounds since ive gotten married. My wife and bestfriend are always playfighting, throwing soft punches at each others bodies. They have tickle fights. He once got on top of my wife and tickled he till she cried mercy. We were once at the beach and he carried my wife who was in her bikini and threw her into the water. I did not enjoy seeing his hands on my wife's bare stomach and her on his shoulders. She then tried to dunk him under. yes it did anger me seeing my wife 90% naked wrestling with my 90% naked bestfriend in the water. My bestfriend texts her more than he texts me. I think this isnt just them having fun, i think they are flirting.
About a month ago we had a small getogether at my place. Just chilling and enjoying a few drinks with some friends. I had a little too much so i went to sleep around midnight while my wife hungout with my bestfriend and the few remaining friends. Around 3am i woke up to use the bathroom. My wife was not in bed yet. Went to the living room and noticed everybody had left except my wife and best friend. They were alone sitting next to each other. I know just sitting isnt cheating but with so many seats and space i dont understand why they were next to each other. Their thighs were side by side up against each other. What could they be doing this late at night alone. Cant be that much to talk about. I suspected something wierd going on but i ignored it. The next day i noticed a small red mark that looked like a hicky on her shoulder. I ask how she got that, she didnt know.
There was another time while i was at work, she went out with some gal pals of hers. One of these gal pals is a friend of mine who is more loyal to me. This female friend of mine told me my bestfriend supposingly randomly showed up there. I was told my wife and bestfriend flirted all night. At times both of them disapeared from the group. My female friend too suspects something between those two. When i asked my wife about her night out, she failed to mention that my bestfriend showed up.
I have been secretly reading her text messages. I have read text messages between those two, later on i look at it again and theyre all deleted. I work nights on the weekdays so its hard to keep track of her. I remember coming home from work one night and there were empty beer bottles in the recycle bin. My wife does not drink beer and i know it wasnt me. My gut feeling tells me my bestfriend was over having a few drinks with my wife. I didnt ask her about it. I ask her how was her day, she didnt mention anything about them beer bottles. For all i know hes been coming over every weekday while i was at work. Ive been just playing dumb and naive. I dont have any evidence to accuse her. My sex life has declined ever since my wife has been spending more time with my bestfriend. Do you think theres something going on behind my back or am i going crazy?
@D2000,
Kinda sounds like it. Why not get them both in the same room and confront them? Ask to see their phones. If they have nothing to hide, then it shouldn't be a problem.
@Tiger81,
The texts that i have read are very PG. Examples: whats good tonight? How was work? Half price drinks tonight at Don's (local bar). I have not seen anything sexual yet. But then again she has been deleting her texts. I want to confront them but only when im for sure. I have said to her once that she shouldnt be so flirty around him. She said hes just a friend, told me to think of him as her brother.
@D2000,
Well when you confront them leave your gun at home.
Could there be something going on? Yeah, could be. Then again, maybe not. After all, they were close before you dated and married her. They may not see that they are doing anything improper.
Rather than confront them together, why don't you sit down with your wife and talk to her. Tell her that the constant flirting between them makes you uncomfortable. Let her know, without revealing how, that you know he met up with her at the bar that one evening and she kept that hidden. See what she says. If she loves you and feels strongly about your relationship, she will stop the flirting.
THEN, go to your best friend. Talk to him. Let him know that flirting with your wife and meeting up with her at bars is not acceptable to you and you would appreciate it, as your best friend, that he stop the flirting, etc. If he is a good friend, he will stop.
IF she does not stop and he does not stop, then I think maybe you have your answer as to their relationship.
And of course, as giujohn wrote, leave your gun at home when talking to your friend. lol
Yes, your wife is cheating on you. She is having an affair with another man. It may not be physical yet, but it is intimate and emotional. Your wife relies on the other man to provide daily sustenance for her most important emotional needs: conversation, companionship, affection, recreation, romance, etc. Because you and your wife have different work schedules, your "buddy" is always there to meet her needs when you can't be there. In other words, the other guy is not your "best friend". He's a predator. Your wife is his willing prey.
What do you think you ought to do?
@D2000,
What else would she tell you, if she's having an affair? "an old friend from college"is how my affair partner describes me to his wife.
@D2000,
D2000 wrote: We dont get to spend much time together during the weekdays. She works 8am-5pm. I work 3pm-midnight.
what do you and your wife do together on weekends? do you have regular date nights? do you take weekend trips together?
don't worry so much about your friend. think about what's going on with YOUR relationship with your wife.
if you're not having fun together, there's not much point.
@ehBeth,
I spoil my wife with as much attention as i can on the weekends. I feel like i must win her back. I still take my wife out, i will cook for her, still i feel it isnt enough. I just cant seem to carry a conversation with her anymore. Theres a lot of dead silence. And i hate it when her phone vibrates or beeps when im with her. My first thought is its him. 50% of the time i'm thinking about her being with my bestfriend. Besides that i have a hard time trying to find a topic to talk about. We still get along, we dont fight.
@D2000,
That's sad. If dead silence means boredom, it's probably time to get out. Same if she used to laugh at your jokes and no longer thinks you're funny. That is, she doesn't any longer laugh when you're trying to be funny.
@D2000,
Im not going to confront them. If i did i doubt they will confess and probaly be on guard making it harder for me to catch them. Instead i know they dont think i suspect anything. Im going to play dumb and naive. Maybe set a trap or come home early from work when they dont suspect anything. Honestly i hope im just crazy.
@D2000,
What was the extent to your wife and bestfriend's relationship when they dated? Have they done the dirty deed, seal the deal? Honestly from my experience once i have slept with a guy, it makes it more comfortable and easier the next time.
@Cind7,
They went on a few dates within a 3 week period. I have asked my wife about it when we first started dating. She wont say much about it saying the past is the past and its a little too personal. And it was her who broked it off with my bestfriend. Besides that i dont know much. I dont even know if they have ever kissed.
@D2000,
Im confident they have kissed. 3 week period, a few dates. Yes they have. If she didnt sleep with him she would had told u. To tell u its personal means yes she has. Your wife and bestfriend have a history you dont know about.
@D2000,
Do they hug in front of u when the greet or say goodbyes? Have u seen them dancing together? It sounds like they are physically comfortable with each other.
@Cind7,
Yes they hug when they greet each other but she does that to my close friends. I have never seen them dance together but they have been out together at bars/dance clubs together when im at work so i cant rule that out. Yes they are physically comfortable with each other. I still cant get the image of my wife in her bathing suit on his back, her breast pressed up against him, her legs wrapped around him, wrestling in the water. Never thought i be one of those jealous husbands.
You appear to be observing your life rather than participating in it. You and your wife can't converse. Yet, she can stay up all night talking with your alleged best friend while they sit together, thighs touching. In other words, she is not making any effort to be your intimate partner or to enjoy your companionship because someone else is meeting her needs. A few hours of trying to build your marriage on the weekends isn't working. How much more information do you need to understand that basic fact? Planning to come home early from work and possibly catching your wife and your buddy in bed together seems to be the only plan you have. Other than that possibility, do you think there is anything else you can do? If you want to build your marital relationship, don't you think you ought to talk to your wife?
@D2000,
D2000 wrote: I just cant seem to carry a conversation with her anymore.
this really is so sad
if you don't enjoy speaking to each other, there's not much to work with
@D2000,
D2000 wrote: Maybe set a trap or come home early from work when they dont suspect anything.
why bother?
you don't seem to have anything left in the relationship
why not just pull the plug on the relationship?
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