Abuzz Guilt

Rae- I was thinking about something that you wrote. You mentioned that there was some problem that you had with me that you could not remember.

One of the delightful features of A2K is the PM. I think that if someone writes something that offends or upsets someone, the PM is a great way to resolve an issue. We are all adults, and for the most part, mentally stable. Sometimes, someone writes something in a thread that bothers us, and we don't want to air it in public.

I think that what happened in Abuzz, is that there was no way (if an E Mail address was not given) for people to discuss, one on one, what was bothering him/her, and to resolve the issue with the other person. By addressing problems right from the getgo, I think that we can avoid a lot of hurt feelings down the road.

What do you all think?

I think feeling like part of "the group" is like wearing hats - you either do or don't. What i perceived as "the group" at Abuzz when i joined vanished in great part after the september 2000 switch, and boy oh boy, was i happy. Once "the group" couldn't bump up their stats by constantly valuing each other's "hello's", they went away. I didn't like the new ranking system, and wouldn't ever like to see one here, but the post sept 2000 system was better than the one before.

What became most valuable to me at Abuzz was the opportunity to work on my writing. I learned to defend myself in a better, clearer and more direct way. I've carried that skill into real life and I will always value Abuzz for that. The people were clearly doing the writing, but Abuzz was the forum where I got to watch them. The set-up of the forum is what kept me there, vs other forums i've visited, and I still prefer it.

I think that's a great idea, Phoenix. There don't seem to be many folks here prone to foaming at the keyboard, but misunderstandings can happen, and PM can sure help prevent things from getting blown out of proportion.



timber

Wasn't me, Phoenix.....

Rae, I had no idea you felt that way. Sometimes I felt a little bit on the outside of Abuzz looking in as well. If it hadn't been for the Crones, who welcomed me, I probably would have left Abuzz long ago. Sadly, the Crones are not a presence on Abuzz at all now.

Rae- You're right. There went another senior moment. It was Sozobe.
I think believe that I was thinking about another interaction with you, and got all bolloxed up!

Did anyone other than the Crones, feel part of an Abuzz 'group'? I know that the only group I ever felt part of is the Rainforest clickers, which is a subset of a group far beyond Abuzz, and i don't think of it as an Abuzz group.

Thanks, Swimpy. Have to say, too, that my skin wasn't very thick when I first joined Abuzz ~ think I'd only had my computer for about four months by then. I was still getting used to the internet ~ nevermind Abuzz!

No problem, Phoenix. My boss would call that drain bamage ~ not a senior moment!

Ethel, aka Lola, was the first person to welcome me to Abuzz. Her Cafe threads are still going, I think.

Hi Phoenix, oh, no problem! I just don't remember what the exact circumstances were, though I could probably look them up. It was a thread where I felt my valid points were being ignored/ blithely brushed off, and I got a little bulldoggish about one point I was making, which was in opposition to something you were saying. You did eventually say, "Oh, OK, I guess you have a point", which impressed me. It was all settled right there on Abuzz. But yeah, PM's are great.

ehBeth, I think there are two different things when it comes to the idea of groups; how people actually feel, and how they are perceived. When you say that you don't feel part of a group, I know just what you mean, and think of your willingness to engage the new face, your willingness to disagree with someone apparently "in" your group, etc. All good things. But I do think I perceived you as part of the group when I was first figuring things out. It has to do with insider jokes, allusions, nicknames, etc. As Fishin' says, and I think it's really important, that is to be expected. I don't think I'm going to add in parentheses, "Merry Andrew started this with a typo on one of Dlowan's digression threads [link here]" everytime I write "bavk". I AM going to make sure I'm welcoming to new members, though.

ETA: I think it was, appropriately enough, Jes who first made me feel welcome.

My saviour was Swimpy.

I don't feel that I was welcome into any group on abuzz,partly because I didn't fit into one.I did enjoy some of the party threads (jespah and her alien baby come to mind),but I think most of the time I was an outsider.I tried not to fit into any particular group,because my view of life doesn't lend itself into classification.
Like most of you,I grew tired of the rating system,because it was so arbitrary and impossible to be accurate.
I hope I never offended any of you,and if I did I apologize.I much prefer this site,simply because its monitored,and I do like the PM part,so that misunderstandings can be straightened out like adults.

Amen, mysterydude.

Golly.

This talk has taken an interesting turn.

I think I was able to jump into Abuzz a little more readily than most because I had been doing the Internet thing for so long already.

See, we got this PC in May of 1997, and I was on Usenet for a few months although it was troubling to me and I never really liked it. Then I started chatting in late August of that same year. I was made a channel assistant some time later in that year (I had temporary kick powers and a title and not much else), then a channel op (operator) in early 1998. A channel operator means I could kick, permanently ban, temporarily ban, etc. And I stayed in that chat room for - gulp! - three years. I met some people in person and in the meantime was at the same job.

Then in October of 2000 I changed jobs and very quickly found that I had 'Net access and a lot of down stretches at work. So, I started reading the NY Times online. I clicked on Abuzz in November of that year, I believe. By that time I had totally left chatting because it was dull - the same old people for three years can wear on anyone.

I think you know the rest of the history there. The point I'm dancing around is that I had the opportunity to go through the 'outside looking in' phase way back in '97, and with Usenet. Each time, I progressed to a friendlier (and, perhaps not coincidentally, calmer) environment.

I agree that there are always going to be people who feel like they are on the outside. I also see, here, that there may be a bit of reluctance on the part of many of the Realmers as there's still so much talk about Abuzz (although less and less as we go along). It's like - here's an analogy - you're at your in-laws for dinner and they're all chatting about some family thing from 1972 which was long before you met your spouse. So you politely sit there and finish your soup and try to nod and smile and pretend like you're interested in the conversation. I think that there might be that kind of feeling here among non-ex-Abuzzers. After all, what interest could they possibly have in us talking about Abuzz?

I know I've said this before but maybe it bears repeating. This isn't Abuzz Jr. or Abuzz II and it wasn't created with that in mind. Yes, there are a lot of Abuzzers here - mainly because we're inviting our friends and you tend to dominate our circle of friends. But it won't be quite so Abuzz-centric for much longer, and I think that that kind of expansion and transformation is a wonderful thing. The thing that stagnates, whether in a chat room or Abuzz or some other type of Internet community, is when we all fall into sameness -

same people
same discussions
same routines

I would love for this site to be so hopping and so amazing that we all can't wait to get online to see the next great thing Misti has posted, or the next artwork from Asherman, or the next article posted by Phoenix, or the next story by edgarblythe, or the next quote from Rae, or the next poem from New Haven, or the next joke from Algis, or the next political discussion from perception, or the next link from ...? :-D

I think that is exactly the point - you perceived me as willing to disagree with someone "in" my group. I have never really felt like part of a group.

There are other people posting here saying they didn't feel like part of 'the group'/ 'a group', while i perceived them as part of 'a group' / 'the group'.

I think we need to realize/remember that we're all out there alone, and many of us, really do seem to be feeling 'out of the group'. An interesting thing to consider.

Very well said, jespah.

Jes, I'm very much interested in seeing the influx of new people here. New interests, new points of view, new things to explore and consider, an opportunity to re-examine opinions - it's usually the best part of joining a new site, and of an increase in membership to an existing site.

It's a great opportunity/challenge.

I think that's a very salient point. Rae mentions that she'd just recently gotten a computer, and Abuzz was the first chat/ online community I'd ever experienced. I had far fewer problems getting into the swing of things when I joined another forum recently (not one of the many with Abuzzers, which don't really count, since so many people already know you).

ehBeth, what I was getting at was that while I NOW know those things about you in terms of being in or out of "the group", I didn't at the time. At the time I just saw the insider jokes/allusions, (who's Bailey? Who's Cleo?) etc., and at that time thought you were in "the group."



I agree. While our participation varies greatly, I think one could go further and say that many of us have some reason why we participate in an online community. For me, it is because I am a very social creature who is currently a stay-at-home mom, and deaf to boot, so going out and striking up incidental conversation is possible but daunting. I don't have nearly as much social interaction as I was used to before quitting my job, moving 2,000 miles, and having a baby (in that order, within 3 months' time.) So what I'm getting at is there may be a predisposition to feeling out of the group among the people who are likely to participate in these kinds of forums. (Fori?)

Jaysus! And I thought you were all insiders.

What we need here is some sort of scheme to drag out all those people on the member list with zeros after their names and get them involved. Suggestions?

Agreed, roger. I am totally up for suggestions.

One thing, though, some of them are coders who joined just to be able to see certain parts of the site only available to members. There's nothing wrong with this (this is Open Source code, after all). I can see if I can figure out who those people are. That will reduce the number by, I think, about a half to a full dozen.