Yes. You are. But so what.
I suggest your religious ides are what is hurting you,
and that's a shame, because religion is just fantasy.
As for hubby, guys like the idea of two women....but he could feel threatened
at you having a full blown relationship with a woman...so keep it to yourself.
Go kiss a girl, and like yourself and being alive. It's ok! It's natural, and it's
you. How could that be bad? It cant. Now please change your name to one
that shows you are are proud and happy with who you are. And celebrate
being alive. Life is short. You know? Enjoy it while you have the chance to!
As to the woman you developed feelings towards, you could tell her straight
out how you feel. Would it hurt? What if she has feelings she feels hesitant
and artificially guilty about too!? And if you think it's best to let her go into
the past, then might I suggest a lesbian bar or a personals ad. Why not?
Again, life is now, then it's done. This is the only chance any of us get -
right now, not later.
But yea, your husband would probably view a full on relationship
with a woman as you abandoning him for someone else, so
don't tell him. Just have a little casual fun with a friend, and enjoy it. I don't
see the harm in that. I think it'd be more harmful to repress one's self till it hurts and messes you up, when all you wanted to do is follow your natural instincts..
It's hard to get over religi0us ideas though. It can take years to get past the fear and guilt that christian cult programs into people. But I assure you, it's just a creation myth written by cavemen, and you shouldn't have to feel "evil" or ashamed. (I like to think if there was a god that "loved us", she wouldn't make us to feel tortured like that. I'm sure of this.