Am I bisexual or lesbian?

Reply Mon 17 Oct, 2016 04:43 pm
I am very confused and I feel like I want to die. I met this woman who is about 20 years older than me from work about 2 1/2 years ago. We became very good friend and she is very patience and listen to my problems. I love chatting with her, enjoying our outings during weekend and we shared things like our cooking. Then, in April, some misunderstandings happened between us and I got mad at her. She noticed that and asked me twice what had happened and willing to work things out. So, we talked and I thought everything was cleared. But, then at work, I have a feeling that she is mad at me. I don't know why. The most painful part is I keep thinking about her, about what we did in the past and I miss her a lot although when I mad at her. I feel extremely jealous when I knew that she went out with a guy even she went out with a woman. What is wrong with me??? I really don't want to have this feeling. I want to get rid of her from my mind. What should I do? Please help me? I don't want to be a bi or lesbian! I have a husband for god sake!

Any advice will be appreciated.

Thank you!
Reply Mon 17 Oct, 2016 04:51 pm
Even in the worst case scenario where you lose her as a friend - That makes you want to die?

You may have other problems. Talk to another friend.
Reply Mon 17 Oct, 2016 04:57 pm
I agree that you've got rather deep and extreme feelings regarding a friendship. I suggest talking to a counselor and trying to sort out these feelings. They might be sexual in nature or they just might be another type of obsession. But either way, they're extreme.
Reply Mon 17 Oct, 2016 06:13 pm
I know! The problem is she is giving me a feeling like she wants to have more than a frienship. But, I know she is straight. When I mad at her and she seemed sad and really want to make things worked. But now she seemed like she is pulling away from me. What the heck?

I dare not to talk to anybody about this. It's ashamed!
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Reply Mon 17 Oct, 2016 06:14 pm
No, it's not that. What makes me want to die is her voice and her I mage stay in my head.
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Reply Mon 17 Oct, 2016 08:19 pm
You seem to have a deep emotional attachment to her.

Is it her voice? Does it or her demeanor remind you of anyone dear to you? (mother, sister ?)

If this is not a sexual attraction, then just recognize it for what it is. Do you have a best girlfriend or sister?

Reply Mon 17 Oct, 2016 08:28 pm
Her voice is very soothing. Yes, I think I'm attached to her which I don't want to and not my plan. Yes, I have close girl friend, but not family. I left my family when I was in my 20's. I don't know...sometimes I feel like I want to kiss her.
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Reply Mon 17 Oct, 2016 10:50 pm
There are many unanswered questions here gigi666:
Why have you named yourself gigi666 instead of gigi333 or just gigi?
What did you want to express about yourself? If your were gay or bisexual I think you would have always known it. Are these just recent feelings of 2.5yrs?
Is your husband your husband but not your friend? Do you not enjoy talking to him? Has some marital problem arisen. A lot of men are poor communicators. A lot of men are unfeeling but the same goes for women.
This woman may fulfill a need you have, but it may not be sexual. You may just love being able to share your thoughts and feelings with her and maybe you don't feel you can do that at home. Maybe you see her as a great mentor. Regardless, I think it would be better to break up with your husband (divorce) instead of cheating on him as they say. First ask yourself, is there a problem with your marriage that's causing you to cling to others?
Reply Mon 17 Oct, 2016 11:06 pm
I think I'm evil...
No, my husband is my husband and we have been married for 13 years.

I think I feel a little better after reading your explanation. We had issues but we worked it out. My husband loves me unconditionally and there is no way I would divorce him.

I had the same feelings to other women before but not as strong as this time. Yes, she is a very good listener. I almost ended the friendship at one point but then she kept coming back and said she likes me and wanted to be my friend although I don't know how sincere she is.
Professor Gumbus
Reply Tue 18 Oct, 2016 03:38 am
Yes. You are. But so what.
I suggest your religious ides are what is hurting you,
and that's a shame, because religion is just fantasy.
As for hubby, guys like the idea of two women....but he could feel threatened
at you having a full blown relationship with a woman...so keep it to yourself.

Go kiss a girl, and like yourself and being alive. It's ok! It's natural, and it's
you. How could that be bad? It cant. Now please change your name to one
that shows you are are proud and happy with who you are. And celebrate
being alive. Life is short. You know? Enjoy it while you have the chance to!

As to the woman you developed feelings towards, you could tell her straight
out how you feel. Would it hurt? What if she has feelings she feels hesitant
and artificially guilty about too!? And if you think it's best to let her go into
the past, then might I suggest a lesbian bar or a personals ad. Why not?
Again, life is now, then it's done. This is the only chance any of us get -
right now, not later.

But yea, your husband would probably view a full on relationship
with a woman as you abandoning him for someone else, so
don't tell him. Just have a little casual fun with a friend, and enjoy it. I don't
see the harm in that. I think it'd be more harmful to repress one's self till it hurts and messes you up, when all you wanted to do is follow your natural instincts..

It's hard to get over religi0us ideas though. It can take years to get past the fear and guilt that christian cult programs into people. But I assure you, it's just a creation myth written by cavemen, and you shouldn't have to feel "evil" or ashamed. (I like to think if there was a god that "loved us", she wouldn't make us to feel tortured like that. I'm sure of this.
Reply Tue 18 Oct, 2016 05:21 am
@Professor Gumbus,
OMG... do you know how old I am? I'm 40+ and she is 60+. I dare not to tell her about this! This is sin!

I'm not Christian by the way.

Thanks for the advice.
Reply Thu 20 Oct, 2016 04:49 pm
"I dare not to tell her about this! This is sin!"

Well - at least you have identified your own angst.

If you feel this way, then quit the job and work with animals or children.

Why tempt yourself?

Reply Thu 20 Oct, 2016 04:50 pm
Why? So, am I wrong to feel this way?
What if after I told her and she hates me the rest of her life?
Reply Fri 21 Oct, 2016 06:25 am
You are not "wrong" to feel this way. But YOU feel ashamed and think you are in sin. You have not given yourself permission to do anything.

So I say, considering your shame and depression, move away from the temptation.

No one knows how she feels, especially you. She may have motherly love feelings for you, who knows?.
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Reply Fri 21 Oct, 2016 10:26 pm
Ask yourself: if you felt all this about a male colleague instead of a female one, would you have any doubts about what those feelings would tell? If you felt like spending all your spare time with a male friend, felt jelous about him dating other people and couldn't take him out of your mind..... Wouldn't you think you had fallen hard for him?
Reply Mon 24 Oct, 2016 08:16 am
Make sense! So, in this case, I'm a bi or even a lesbian then! What is wrong with me?
Reply Mon 24 Oct, 2016 08:22 am
Nothing is wrong. Let go of the need to label yourself or anyone else for that matter. You feel whatever you feel. Happiness in relationships doesn't need a label in order to work well. In fact, it's impeded by labels.
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