16
   

My wife doesn't want me to go to friend's wedding

 
 
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 07:28 pm
@cicerone imposter,
It's not like this is new. My parents didn't invite partners to their wedding in the 1950's. I knew people in the 1960's, 1970's, 1980's through today ... doing the same thing ... singleton invites are not a rare thing.

It doesn't suit the bridal industry narrative but it's not uncommon.
cicerone imposter
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 07:35 pm
@ehBeth,
Around our social circle it sure is! I've never heard of a spouse not being invited to join in any party. We all met when we were all single, and we had many occasions to have parties since then.
When a friend and I celebrated our 77th birthday, we invited all our friends to the same event, because our friends are the same. Everybody was invited. We also invited family members, so the party was pretty big. We rented a hall at the Palo Alto Golf Course club house. It turned out very well.
ossobucotemp
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 07:41 pm
@cicerone imposter,
You pore thing, bragging again.
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 07:45 pm
@ossobucotemp,
pore, not sure of the exact word
Tiger81
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 07:47 pm
@CoastalRat,
Agree - no one invites one half of a couple, its rude
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 08:43 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
FOUND SOUL wrote:

Tacky or not it happens.



I'm hoping if someone hears someone say this, they'll realize how inappropriate they are being not inviting the spouse of a friend.

I could see if you had a single friend you would invite only him or her. However, if they are seriously dating someone, living with them, or married, yes it is a package deal.

It's a package deal because this couple is getting married, and they are doing all this stuff because they think everyone for some reason needs to be aware of that fact. (Whether most people care that much is another story). Then, they completely ignore the fact that, unbelievably, some/many of the people they are so intent on having there are, gasp, married themselves.

I wonder what the newly married couple would think if a few weeks after their wedding they got a wedding invitation for only one of them. What! Don't they Realize we're Married!?

I know you work in the wedding industry, and it's how you make a living.

However, brides (and their grooms) seems to have these expectations of "their perfect day" but then they go and do something as awkward, narcissistic and downright dumb like this.

If you can't afford to do it right, and invite the spouse of someone, then don't invite that person at all.
You can't have your wedding cake and eat it too. If you want your special princess day, you gotta pay the piper.

FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 09:02 pm
@chai2,
Quote:
If you can't afford to do it right, and invite the spouse of someone, then don't invite that person at all.
You can't have your wedding cake and eat it too. If you want your special princess day, you gotta pay the piper.


Love this !

Yes, it's a package deal and what are they thinking.

Yes, a lot act as princesses .

Selfish? Now that's another story. Either they are , or their family are, or MOH is, or Bridesmaids.

Elope I think.......

It's the flowers I love making the most and reading some things I WANT TO SHOUT at them over but, well, can't.

Some are actually amazing girls and are doing all the right things.
ossobucotemp
 
  3  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 09:05 pm
@cicerone imposter,
Your social circle?

Who do you think you are?



FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 09:08 pm
@ossobucotemp,
Did you mean your user name to be osso bu contempt?
0 Replies
 
ossobucotemp
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Sep, 2016 09:23 pm
Ok, all of you hate me. I am no fan of the wedding industry. I don't hate it either, exactly, but I roll my eyes at length. Live with it.
0 Replies
 
ekename
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 12:06 am
@GeorgeDraws,
Quote:
How do I tell her that I can't come without a terrible excuse and without her thinking that I just don't care (which could ruin my relationships with others at work)?


Tell her that your wife wont let you.
0 Replies
 
afterthought
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 12:29 am
@GeorgeDraws,
first of all, if your co worker could not afford the room to invite you and your wife, she should not have invited you at all. It's poor manners to invite a married man and not his wife. Don't go! Politely decline the invitation. Either lie and say you have a family commitment on that day, or tell the truth and say you never attend events without your wife.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 12:34 am
@GeorgeDraws,

GeorgeDraws wrote:

How do I tell her that I can't come without a terrible excuse and without her thinking that I just don't care (which could ruin my relationships with others at work)?


If you want to play hard ball, put her on the defensive. Ask her why she thought you would consider going if your wife weren't invited.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 07:04 am
@FOUND SOUL,
I can see it, too, even in the still shots we get months after the fact. It can be pretty obvious how over the top it can get, and how overly precious and princessy it all is. There is a lot being sold in the multi-billion dollar wedding industry. It all comes under the ever-elusive 'perfect day' or 'best day ever' (I've seen signs and invitations saying exactly that, and those are some of the cheaper tchotchkes I've seen).

Don't want to derail the discussion but the whole OP thing is weird. Beyond whether you feel it's a package deal or not to invite both halves of a married couple, this is a work friend and not a super-close relative. I get that there are invitation social obligations but the bride and groom would have been better suited to save the $50 - $250 and given the OP's place away to someone else.
Foofie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 12:12 pm
One other POSSIBLE reason for not excluding one's non-invited wife: Years from now a candid discussion with the wife could reveal that she was immensely hurt (not saying so; just hypothesizing), and then the choice to go without her unleashes a tsunami of guilt. Forward thinking can prevent haunting feelings of past regret, in my opinion.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  0  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 12:35 pm
@jespah,
When my niece (PhD in Chemistry) got married, her brother (dentist) paid for everything. The wedding was in Mendocino, and we stayed at a hotel for two or three nights. Many family and friends were invited. He prepaid for everything and some people didn't show up. It was a wonderful venue. https://www.bing.com/search?q=pictures+of+mendocino&form=APMCS1&PC=APMC
cicerone imposter
 
  0  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 12:37 pm
@ossobucotemp,
Not my fault and problem that you live in squalor.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 12:41 pm
@cicerone imposter,
cicerone imposter wrote:
I've never heard of a spouse not being invited to join in any party.


that doesn't mean it doesn't happen

__

people are invited to work Christmas parties on their own (no spouses), people are invited to weddings on their own (no spouses/partners/+1's), etc etc etc

none of this is new/weird/different

it is not the preferred standard of the party industry but it happens/has happened for decades
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 12:43 pm
@cicerone imposter,
That was unbelievably rude of you.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  0  
Reply Tue 20 Sep, 2016 12:43 pm
@ehBeth,
That sounds weird to me, because that never happened in our social circle.
 

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