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Thu 16 Sep, 2004 12:08 pm
My husbands old high school girlfriend has recently e-mailed him. He hadn't heard from her since he graduated many many years ago.
She just out of the blue mailed him a Happy Birthday greeting at his work.
Now I was shocked that she remembered after 20 years when his birthday was. She then asked who the builder of our house was. Apparently she knows where we live. She then asked about his work and trivial things.
My husband did not tell me that she mailed him, I accidently found the mail. I kind of hinted around one night asking him if he ever ran into anyone from school and he said no he never sees anyone. I then asked about the old girlfriend and he said he had no idea where she lived or what she was doing.
Well I was furious that he lied. I then confronted him and he said he didn't want to tell me because of all the other stress I was under.
OK I guess that makes sense so I tried not to worry about it.
She did continue to mail him though on and off for the next year pretty frequently. Some of them had a little flirtatous nature to them. Like one said " Oh ------ , you are soooooooo funny"
Am I wrong to think that it is wrong for her to mail him all the time and ask personal questions ?? I would NEVER mail my old boyfriend and keep mailing him with questions.
Any advice on how to handle this ?
Pluck out your eyes so you never have to view such offensive-to-you material again? Geez, honestly, I send off email cards to guys I don't even know as well as some blast-from-the past friends I rediscover online sometimes,
but it all means absolutely nothing!!! Why do I send them? At first it was the novelty of acquiring a computer and I was p/g w/#6 for me, was separated and stuck at home w/a toddler + p/g and lonely... Now that baby is 5 and I am still stuck on an island in the middle of the sea, but belong to the internet community and have friends all over the place, some I have never seen/met in real life, nor do I ever plan to... others I hope to someday, others I plan to vaguely off-handedly maybe perhaps... I really think you went overboard and if you discovered that they were in touch while snooping, you were wrong, but your dh was wrong to lie about it... he should've just said, "Yes, I ran into so-and-so from high school online, so what?" My suggestion to you would be to not look, and if you can't stop yourself, blind yourself voluntarily...
Really 
Oy, this has been going on for a year?
Okay, deep breath, step back.
How have your communications been with your husband about this? Is he telling you about it, or are you still getting the line about him not wanting to stress you out? That may have been true, but, unless you work defusing bombs, I doubt you're constantly under such stress that you can't handle the truth in a matter such as this. You are a married couple, he shouldn't be keeping these things from you. You're a grownup, he need not protect you as if you were a child, if that's his reasoning for not coming clean.
If he has been communicative with you, then it's different. But it sounds to me like you've been reading his emails and he's not telling you about the emails or at least isn't giving you the whole truth about them.
If that's the case, then I'd say there are trust issues that go beyond anything to do with this gal (who sounds lonely, flirty, probably unattached or looking to be unattached and, if nothing else, in the possession of some pretty lousy judgment). Counseling may help in this area. As always, if your husband won't go with you, go alone, it always help to talk to an objective professional.
Now, given the fact that there's joking, what else is in the emails? Is she moving to town with her husband and 17 children, and looking for advice on the best school districts? If that's the case, your worry level might or might not be misplaced. But if it's about, hey, my husband doesn't understand me, or I'm single again and I can't stop thinking about you, then I'd say you've got an extremely legitimate gripe there.
And, it shouldn't all be on her. Your husband knows this bothers you - I assume you've told him. Have you? - yet persists, and has persisted for quite a while. I'd say that's a cause for concern.
After I accidently saw the mail I then talked to my husband and he promised to print out the times she contacted him and show me what she mailed.
That is how I have been seeing them. so I trust HIM. She is married and has a child. I can see one mail to catch up, but let it go at that.
She mails him over dumb stuff. It is like she is trying to think of ANYTHING to contact him over.
I just want her to leave him alone. Is that wrong ?
oh boy. i was going to keep mum on this one, because jespah's advice was excellent...but considering your last post, i would e-mail her myself.
Why does he respond if
LesVal wrote:She mails him over dumb stuff. It is like she is trying to think of ANYTHING to contact him over.
I just want her to leave him alone. Is that wrong ?
I don't get your notion that you want him left alone? Is he not able to decide such things for himself?
princesspupule wrote:Pluck out your eyes so you never have to view such offensive-to-you material again? Geez, honestly, I send off email cards to guys I don't even know as well as some blast-from-the past friends I rediscover online sometimes,
but it all means absolutely nothing!!! Why do I send them? At first it was the novelty of acquiring a computer and I was p/g w/#6 for me, was separated and stuck at home w/a toddler + p/g and lonely... Now that baby is 5 and I am still stuck on an island in the middle of the sea, but belong to the internet community and have friends all over the place, some I have never seen/met in real life, nor do I ever plan to... others I hope to someday, others I plan to vaguely off-handedly maybe perhaps... I really think you went overboard and if you discovered that they were in touch while snooping, you were wrong, but your dh was wrong to lie about it... he should've just said, "Yes, I ran into so-and-so from high school online, so what?" My suggestion to you would be to not look, and if you can't stop yourself, blind yourself voluntarily...
Really
Lola will yu please email me with some chatty conversation and perhaps some nude or semi nude images? Squinney is very :wink:
understanding.....
or, howsabout they're friends and there is nothing wrong with them being in touch.
i'm not sure why everyone seems to be feeling so put upon and upset by people being in touch with friends they've had for a long time/or had a long time ago. it's one of the joys of the internet - reconnecting with friends and family.
are husbands/partners not allowed to have female friends IRL as well?
I am not an expert but I know that I would be mad if my husband was emailing an old girlfriend. It is not like she is just a friend from the past they have a history together and that would make me feel uncomfortable. If your husband loves you he would understand and stop communicating with her.
I could say just relax and let this thing die out on its own, but I don't think you would. No matter how trivial this email correspondence is, the proverbial bottom line is that it really bothers you. I mean REALLY bothers you. Otherwise, you wouldn't have had him print out all his emails from her at work and then bring them home for your review.
So face it, you won't be happy till it stops, will you?
Ol' Uncle George thinks you should have the hubby compose as considerate a "so long and have a nice life" email as he can and send it off. And then just hit the delete key whenever she sends him another.
Good luck.
i agree with george.
ehbeth's post was a good one too. my husband communictes with a few ex-girlfriends...but we are all friends. we even go up and visit them every time we go to seattle. they're great gals.
but, when hubby knows this particular one bothers you...he should go ahead and give her the ole' have a nice life note.
i think if it bothers you tell him
I dont think it is fair that he does thing that bother you
And wife and husband can have other friends however i dont think ex partners are appropriate
May, but we can make it retroactive right?
Lola, Princess, Deborah;they've all got great legs Bear
NO, tell your husband straight out, that he not telling you anything and not being honest with you. Tell him to stop email that girl, you his WIFE, you have the RIGHT to do that.
I might be reading too much but am telling you this, OVER a YEAR already? Am sure it not just ONLY seeing friend ACCIDENTLY type. If it is, one ore two Email is enough to talk to your husband that she glad to run into him again or like update him with her life and her family. BUT IT would not take a year of Email communicate.
A guy truely love you, would not do things that HE KNOW BOTHER you. A girl in his past SHOULD NOT BE MORE IMPORTANT then HIS WIFE. That my WHOLE POINT.
He need to understand that too, if he know it bother you and he not willing to give up her over you? Then am sorry your husband got a problem, maybe that Ex-GF of his trying to seduce him into what ever and he can fall for it if this Email keep going.
Thank god it just email. Let hope they won't start to communication over Phone.
Well, now hang on td181...I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. She can't own him...he should be allowed to have female friends, I think.
The challenge lies in that this ex has been e-mailing for over a year...(ok, that's a little long for the author to have let it go on)...but also the ex g/f says flirty little somethings that get on the authors nerves. Things like: "You're soooooo funny!", etc.
I think the wife should have never had the husband print up all of the communications...to me, that's a little over the top...but he also should have given this ex her "so long, nice to hear from ya!" e-mail a while back.
Let's don't turn this into something it's not...yet.
It was my husbands idea to bring me home the mails that he prints out for me to see. I just told him to please let me know how long the mails continued so I could figure out if she was something to worry about or not.
She had a hard time when they broke up and kind of stalked him. She was there the first night I went to his house to meet his Mom. She just walked in plopped herself down and no introductions were made. I thought she was his SISTER !!!
So she does worry me a little bit. I don't want to be a crazy controlling wife. I just don't want to look like an idiot if she starts something she shouldn't.
Maybe I should mail her a hello ???????
Just to let everyone know we had another incident like three years ago where a girl was calling my husband on his cell phone (hmmmmmm how did she get the # ) and calling him and paging him at work.
She worked in the admissions office at the college he was attending and signed him up for his classes. I found this number I didn't recognize on the cell and the call was an hour long. I also saw her number on there a couple more times. She also was e-mailing him. One mail said "oh don't ride by my house and try to look into my bedroom window" Soooo that made me furious that she would talk with him like that.
I confronted him with her e-mail address and he acted like he had no idea whose it was. Then asked him about the phone calls and he denied knowing whose number it was.
After a while he told me it was the girl from admissions and they got to tallking after some classes they had together and she would call him becasue she needed a should to cry on. OHHHHHHHHHH God how old is that line.
Later I found out she was a slut that like to have affairs with policemen and college teachers and really loved the married men.
My husband just said she needed someone to talk to that is why she would call him e-mail him and page him on his pager.................
After this incident I have kept my eyes wide open. I guess that is why the old girlfriend contact pissed me off.
wow, she sounds like a looney. i bet your husband knows she's a nut and is just being nice?
yes, don't be a crazy controlling wife...she has already started something that she shouldn't have.
i think i would send her my own little e-mail. something like, "listen, i'm glad you're doing well, and thanks for thinking of us so often..."
maybe she'll get the hint.
if not, i'd e-mail again and say..."listen, find another ex to focus on, sweets."
When's yer birthday? 
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