He says he loves me, and I don't know if he really means it

Reply Mon 11 Jul, 2016 09:53 am
We are dating for about half a year and last week he told me he loves me for the first time. I almost cried when I heard it, as I didn't expected that I could hear "I love you" from his mouth at all! I am a foreigner and my visa will expire late this year so I have to go back to my country. To be honest, I had thought he wasn't that serious about me, so his "I love you" was very surprising. Even though we haven't talked about our future(about after I leave if we can do long distance relationship and so on), his "I love you" makes me hope that we can make it.

However, he often ignores my text message. I understand texting might not be that important for most of men, but why would he ignore it after he said he'll talk to me later, or even I asked him for "please text me."? It takes like 30 seconds to text me back, and he can't have time for it? Also, last time we had serious talk on the phone, I cried so couldn't talk properly, then he said "If you wanna talk, feel free to call me tonight.", so I called him later that evening and he didn't answer, he didn't call me back, and didn't even text me. I was very upset at that time, and he knew it, but he ignored my text and call. I sent a message the following morning, and he was like he was so busy. Before this happened, he said "Don't think that I don't care about you because I do care.", but he is the one who doesn't show me that he cares. When I am with him, I am very happy, but when we cannot see each other I am insecure because we don't call, when I text him, there's no reply. As we both have job our day off hardly match, we can meet once a week or less. I am tired of feeling insecure 6 out of 7 days.

If he really loves me, why doesn't he make time for talk to me? Is it only me who wants to talk to someone I love at least once a day? The one who plans next date is me, the one who texts first is me, but he says he loves me, he misses me. Does he really mean it? Can anybody help me?

Sorry for my messy English and thank you for reading this post.
Reply Mon 11 Jul, 2016 12:10 pm
You two need to have a conversation.

Talk to him about how it feels to not be in communications. How you like the assurance of a text because you cannot see each other every day. Don't be clingy or demanding; this is just a statement.

And talk (not necessarily in the same conversation) about your future. You are leaving. You need to know what his declaration means. It is very possible that he has rather warm feelings for you but doesn't see a commitment in the future. And that's okay; it's better for you to know now.
Reply Sat 23 Jul, 2016 09:05 am
Thank you very much for the reply.
We talked about it last time in not so serious mood, but he seemed he understand how I feel.

I still need to talk with him about our future, I am so scared of what he might say. I don't want to lose him. I want to be with him longer term. However, it might be only me that who wants to be together even if I leave the U.S.. I don't know what he thinks about I'm going back to my country.

Once again, thank you very much for your advice.
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Reply Mon 21 May, 2018 07:10 pm
sakko, firstly I think that your English is pretty good. That's my native language NOT American!! The one thing I would say to you is that very often actions speak louder than words. For example my now ex (of today) tells me that "she loves me" & yet screws other men which hurts me badly. If you love someone they should not hurt you (unless by accident). If they hurt you by doing something that they know will upset you the leave well alone!! Get out of it & let them go, its better in the long term!
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