How to break up peacefully?

Forums: Relationships, Dating, Advice, Break Up
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Dating for a while. We both have our insecurities about not wanting to be abandoned and cheated on, etc. He/she did some stuff to betray trust in me and made some changes, then sorta kept on. Now it seems like he/she relapsing and going back to his/her old self. Like setting themself up for a breakup and saying "yeah, Im not going to change for you cause this relationship doesn't mean as much to me as I say" At the same time, lately he/she is unusually nice and acting happy and sweet to me, texting more often with good-nights and hows you're day, saying I love you I miss you, showing he/she cares about my life and lots of little stuff. But, I could give details about ways I see him/her relapsing and basically going back to what they were doing that was a problem and they said they were in the wrong for, want to make different in, etc.

Anyway.. I am a very committed person. I made it known, not sure if they accept it at this point and I really don't know if I can keep going with him/her as a result. So how can I break up with someone who I gave all this assurance that I would never leave and I am not the leaving type. I'm not the abandoning type, I just see me being into loyalty and respect, and the other person basically saying "this is who I am and I'm not changing for anyone" so that can't work in the long run. Lots of lack of respect from him/her. A relationship and loyalty is just a word to him/her. I do love him/her and wold love to see it work out, but I don't see them really wanting that at this point based on their actions towards us. Thanks guys

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 2,472 • Replies: 7

@gorff,

It's not that difficult. It is not that easy, but it is not that difficult either.

If you have been dating for a while, then you owe it to your partner to break up in person. Be direct. Say simply that the relationship isn't working for you. Don't blame your partner. Don't fight about it. Make it clear that you are leaving and that the relationship is really over (don't do the wishy washy 'need a pause' thing which ends up making it more painful for both of you).

You then listen to what your partner has to say. They have a right to spout. Don't defend yourself (it doesn't matter since the relationship is over). Don't get into an argument. If they have any fair questions, answer them unemotionally... but make it a short answer.

Remember that you are ending a relationship. Nothing matters between you after this. There is no need to argue or explain or defend. It is over.... let it be over.

Then you walk away.

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@gorff,

The gender pronouns are driving me nuts. I realize you may want to maintain privacy, but unless this person is transgender, you can use she or he. We aren't going to be able to figure out who you're talking about or even whether this is a het or same-sex relationship.

That having been said, there is a reason why people say, "This isn't working out." It may feel like a cliché, but it's the God's honest truth. It isn't working out.

There is no shame in admitting that. There is no shame in not going the distance - the vast, vast majority of relationships do not. It does not have to be anyone's fault, but say you're sorry anyway. Why? Because it's a kind thing to do for someone who is hurting.

Return anything you have borrowed. If there is an engagement ring then it needs to be returned to the giver. If you are the giver, and it is not returned, you are actually entitled to it, but you might want to just cut your losses on it.

Don't kiss good-bye; it creates false hope. This is not the time for a hearty handshake, either. A hug is fine, if you're feeling it. Please don't suggest that you can 'still be friends'. Even if you can be, maybe, that is not what this other person wants to hear.

Make it quick and then leave. Then turn off your phone for the day.

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@jespah,

Quote:

The gender pronouns are driving me nuts. I realize you may want to maintain privacy, but unless this person is transgender, you can use she or he. We aren't going to be able to figure out who you're talking about or even whether this is a het or same-sex relationship.

I think I disagree with you about the gender pronouns. On relationship questions, gender roles have a big impact on how other A2Kers respond.

Eliminating gender pronouns might result in a answers that are more fair.

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@gorff,

36 hours ago you wanted to know how to reassure the person that you wanted to maintain the relationship

http://able2know.org/topic/326092-1#post-6199565

you're dating

try to stay chill

__

have you considered speaking to a professional about your concerns?

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@ehBeth,

I private messaged you ehbeth, hope you have time to read it. Would really appreciate some feedback I value your opinion. Please private message me instead of on here I ask, if you would

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@gorff,

Btw, I started this post as a "what if" situation, so I could be prepared

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How to break up peacefully?

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