Should I go forward or not?

Forums: Advice, Relationships, Dating, Relationship, Ex
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Hi guys, thanks for helping me out.
I met this girl, we work together and after 2 years, since last week, somehow we got really close. We enjoy each other and are kissing already and my feelings are getting deeper. The only problem is she is not over her ex yet (2-3 months relation) and we both know it. She is completely honest though. She tells me that she wants to get out it and says its better we stop what we are doing and stay as friends for some time, until she is out of it completely, otherwise she can't give me her 100%.

I said we can still keep meeting and stay the same, and it might work out for her better. Couple of days back, she got to know, this guy she liked deceived her and was already married. Now, she is feeling even worse and very very depressive. She is talking about leaving everything, her work etc and having suicidal thoughts. I am trying to pull her out from it. She also keeps on planning the revenge.

Now, problem is I want to help her but I also like her, so when she tells about her ex to me, I get angry and jealous because of this **** head.

What should I do, from here now on. Some one with a stronger foresighted mind help me. Should I continue what I doing or just get over with this relation?

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,440 • Replies: 7

Just be a friend right now. She's not ready to get into another relationship - she told you that already. Now she finds out more shocking news that makes it even more difficult for her. So just tell her you are there for her when she needs a friend. Put no romantic pressure on her.

Does she have family? If she continues to want to harm herself then you need to tell someone.

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@dudeEcho40,

dudeEcho40 wrote:

She is completely honest though. She tells me that she wants to get out it and says its better we stop what we are doing and stay as friends for some time,

What should I do, from here now on.

she has told you she needs a friend. be a friend, if you can. realize that there may not be a romantic relationship between the two of you in the future and treat her as a friend.

encourage her to move forward with her life. try to point out positives in work and general life. encourage her to participate in general activities like culture/art/fitness. if she becomes too distressed, encourage her to reach out to her family for support. do not encourage her to discuss her ex with you. make that a no-go subject as much as possible. change the topic if she starts to talk about him.

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@PUNKEY,

Thanks for your comment. She does have a family, I think the distress might just be temporary and she felt like that, she needs more time to get out of it. Its hard for me to quickly switch from a romantic feeling to just friends, but I am trying.

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@ehBeth,

Thanks for your comment. As I was saying, its hard for me to quickly switch from a romantic feeling to just friends, but I am trying. This makes me sad that there might nothing be happening b/w us in future and when I tell her about it, she gets sad as well and tells me we should stop it now, because she doesn't wanna hurt me later on. She just want me as a friend for the time being and I am trying to be it. Her work is also not that great, and she feels pity about it. When I try to encourage her saying everything is fine, work as well and she laughs and tell me I know nothing or as if I am ignorant. I know her work is also not working out, but I trying what I can do. I even feel the insecurity sometimes that I will say as a friend, and she might met someone else, which is actually very hard to imagine this time, but you know the emotional feelings. Right now, I could also move out of the city, work on the new job, I have, I am just postponing it because of her, that something might work out.
Hopefully, everything gets sorted out and we will have more clarity.

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You have to stop seeing this as YOUR issue.

She is breaking up with another man. You MAY be her "transition" man - that is, someone to fill in the gap and make her feel good temporarily while she gets herself together.

She is WARNING you that she is not able, not ready, and not willing to take a leap into another relationship with you.

Be very, very careful here. You are seeing this as so much more than it is. You are going to get hurt, royally.

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@dudeEcho40,

dudeEcho40 wrote:

Right now, I could also move out of the city, work on the new job, I have, I am just postponing it because of her, that something might work out.

don't postpone positive changes in your life because of her

carry on with your life as you would if you didn't know her

you have to take care of yourself first

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@dudeEcho40,

dudeEcho40 wrote:

This makes me sad that there might nothing be happening b/w us in future and when I tell her about it

don't talk to her like that. there's no benefit to either of you to do so

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Should I go forward or not?

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