I think my Dad is over-controlling...am I in the wrong?

@CalamityJane,

CalamityJane wrote:

No Chai, I haven't seen porn in ages and I am sure it has changed over the years, when we were young and made fun of it. However, the United States comes with millions of warning signs, so I am almost certain that no minor is able to see true porn without paying for the site.

Oh dear, Jane, you really are behind the times.

No, there are all sorts of things available for free. Bondage, and I mean really painful stuff, role play of fathers and daughters (older men and women that don't look like they are 18), all sorts of fetishes I'm not going to get into. Age doesn't matter. You can see whatever you want. At the most, some site might ask you to "verify" you are 18 by clicking on a button saying "I am 18"

Seriously, no insult intended Jane, but you are so in over your head.

Warning signs? Oh yeah, like "Don't come on this site unless you are upset by images of...."

Harmless pictures of girls in provocative poses?
I wish.

1 Reply

@Jordan7921,

You sound like a normal typical 15 year old teenager. It does sound like your dad might be somewhat over-controlling. Every parent will have their own way of raising their children. He is your dad. He sets the rules in his house. You can try talking to him about your situation. Try to be respectful, because he is the parent. He just might be more understanding than you might think. He just might surprise you. Then again he night not change at all.

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@engineer,

Every time I try to do this, he refuses to listen to me, and calls me 'manipulative.' It's like he avoids anyone else's opinion, as he even blocked this site. I had to sneak on another computer to look at these answers.

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@Jordan7921,

You're father is nuts! THe good part is that you'll be 18 years old in 3 years time and then he can kiss your ass. Just do really well at your studies and get into a good college and then it's adios padre!

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@saab,

Whenever I talk to my Dad about letting me have certain sites back, he calls me 'manipulative.' I don't understand why. As for the homeschooling, we just moved away from our old home, so I don't know anybody around here. I only really started using the internet a lot a few months ago- when we moved, and he assumes that's all I do. I can't really hang out with people like I used too, I can't summon friends out of thin air, especially without going to a school.

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@chai2,

Okay Chai, I take your word for it - I probably don't have any idea how bad it can get. My kid never watched porn (aside from the live show in Amsterdam),
so I am definitely out of the loop. As to bondage: I am such a whimp I couldn't even watch the most harmless stuff - ouch!! Smile

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@Jordan7921,

Do you have any siblings?

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@oralloy,

I'm glad my family isn't as bad as other's. I'm not one of those kids to assume that I have the worst that is possible. (At least, I don't think I am)

Whenever I want to talk to my Mom, I literally have to pull her aside and make her listen to me. Then, she agrees to talk to my Dad about his level of control. Then she asks a single question, and normally says something like "Oh, okay." like she's scared to ask anything else, and I don't know what that is all about.

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@Jordan7921,

She is in a worse position than you are. Well, that is in my opinion - it's possible she likes things the way they are, but she seems very submissive to a bully.
You can study, grow up, learn about the larger world, then make whatever of your own moves you want. You can still love your parents, but you will need air from that seeming claustrophobic situation.

If this is a strict religion matter, and you want to continue following it, it doesn't mean you have to grow up to be like him, especially to women and children. I'm not so sure that religious stricture is the key factor in all this.

You write well.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

CalamityJane wrote:

You're father is nuts! THe good part is that you'll be 18 years old in 3 years time and then he can kiss your ass. Just do really well at your studies and get into a good college and then it's adios padre!

This is the best advice I've seen so far. I know three years probably seems like quite a long time, but getting into a good college sounds like your best option.

Probably also desirable that this good college be on the other side of the country from where your parents live, and that it be something that you won't have to rely on your parents to fund (some sort of scholarship would be ideal).

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@oralloy,

Agree.

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@Jordan7921,

Can you ask to go to a public high school?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

I'm not sure of the age where he gets to (whatever place he is - we don't know that, though I guess US). Good question.

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@Jordan7921,

Jordan7921 wrote:

Every time I try to do this, he refuses to listen to me, and calls me 'manipulative.' It's like he avoids anyone else's opinion, as he even blocked this site. I had to sneak on another computer to look at these answers.

Well, ya know, you are being pretty manipulative doing that.

I mean, we don't really know you from a cake of soap.

1 Reply

@chai2,

I suppose it depends on your point of view. I don't think it's fair that I get blocked from one of the only times I've reached out on the internet for advice. Then again, life's not fair.

You don't know me, you're absolutely correct on that point. But, you also don't know my parents...just something I'd like to throw out there. But one thing I can tell you, is that this is 100% both sides of the story.. I hate biased opinions with a passion. I truly am looking for advice here, not trying to manipulate my parents into letting me have what I want.

Anyways, thanks for your point of view...I'll try my best to keep this non-biased as possible.

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@CalamityJane,

No, I'm an only child.

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@ossobuco,

She used to be to different, but a lot of things have changed in the past year. She was selling her company to someone in Canada, and she got scammed out of it. My parents have been under a lot of stress, which is why I hate doing this..I don't want to cause any more problems in our family than we already have.

My Dad isn't very religious, but he's very traditional. which isn't a combination you see often. My Mom is very religious however, and again, very traditional...so I don't know if religion is the cause of this. I think stress might be the reason.

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@Jordan7921,

That makes it more difficult since your parents only focus on you.
Your father is definitely very dominant and your mother way too submissive. Is your father violent towards her? Is your father not working and who is homeschooling you ?

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@CalamityJane,

I've never seen my Dad do anything violent physically, which I am thankful for. He does yell a lot, however.

My Dad works for ADP, as a Project Manager. Which is another reason I think stress is the root cause of this.

I get home-schooled by an online course, called 'American High School.' The only communication I get with people through that, is a few emails every once and awhile.

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@Jordan7921,

Me too, and we moved a lot. But my situation wasn't badly grim, as I take yours is. Not that you say that, but that is what I think of it.

That is my point of view, that your situation is grim re the situation. On the other had, you can listen to yourself with confidence.

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I think my Dad is over-controlling...am I in the wrong?

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