What should I do if a guy write an essay about me?

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Long story short,

I had a sexual encounter with this guy in September that was living on the same floor of our dorm. In October, I learned that he talked **** about me so I decided to confront him about it. He said some nasty stuff during the confrontation and it made me scream at him. After a week, I decided to forgive him and we had another sexual encounter later. This lasted for a month until one day I decided to turn him down because I was tired of this kind of relationship. I forgot about him until today, I learned that he wrote a 21 pages essay about me detailing everything that happened between the two of us since September and even advised me to take anger management because of the confrontation. He included every single thing that he was unpleased with me and he didnt talk about our sexual encounters. The essay included sources and links to help so he put a lot of effort into it and he even included our convo. We didnt talk for four months so what he did was really random and unexpected.

What should I do and is it creepy?

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,880 • Replies: 17

@suchaflair,

It's difficult, this person obviously has issues. I would contact student services at your university and tell them you're being harassed. This is harassment and obsessive. I would cease all direct contact with him straight away, trolls need feeding.

At the very least it will put the onus on the university to do something.

And yes, it is creepy.

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@suchaflair,

Get even. Write an essay about him.

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@suchaflair,

Ugh. Totally creepy. Contact, as Izzy said, Student Services or your ombudsman or the Dorm Director - whoever would be in charge. You deserve to be safe at school.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Safe from essays?

1 Reply

@Olivier5,

Safe from weird stalker-y guys who invade her privacy and seem to be trying to ruin her reputation.

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@jespah,

I don't know enough to get there. They haven't met for a few months so there's no real stalking involved. Writing an essay does not seem completely out of place in a university... It's something that could even be good, could deserve to be encouraged. Eg the essay could be his way to get her out of his system, or to learn a lesson out of the experience. Or he just thought it was an interesting story. Many writers have used real characters in their novels and other writings.

In any case, freedom of speech is an important consideration here, me think: people should be allowed to write what they want, unless it's libel.

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@suchaflair,

If the essay includes your name... and if he is trying to publicly embarrass you, then you might have a legal recourse.

If the essay is anonymous, or something he just wrote for himself, then he didn't do anything wrong. If the essay is something that he intended just for you, then it is a standard "I am angry" communication and you should just ignore it. There is nothing wrong with this either.

Bad relationships happen. People deal with it in different ways. Writing about bad relationships is not in itself a bad thing. And it is not creepy, it is a reasonable and healthy way to deal with difficult emotions.

If he is publicly embarrassing you then you should absolutely report it. If he is actually threatening or intimidating you then you should also report it.

If he is just writing for himself, or if he is writing anonymously about his feelings without mentioning you by name, or if he is just writing a last "I am angry" email then you should just ignore it and move on.

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I would also ask anyone responding to this how their answer would change if the genders were reversed.

Answers to questions like this should be gender neutral.

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If he wrote the essay, vented and then destroyed it, no big deal. If he wrote the essay and sent it to you, creepy (and a bit stalkerish) and you might want to notify some authorities just in case. If he wrote it and widely publicized it, definitely contact the authorities. In the latter two cases, it sounds like there is a significant amount of unresolved anger. If the genders were reversed, I'd say the exact same thing.

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@engineer,

We are in agreement engineer. At least you are getting the upthumbs.

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@maxdancona,

Quote:

If the essay includes your name... and if he is trying to publicly embarrass you, then you might have a legal recourse.

It would have to be ruled as libel. Otherwise, it's covered by freedom of speech. People are entitled to write what they want, no?

1 Reply

@Olivier5,

In a school, laws protecting privacy and protecting against harassment apply. They are stricter with a lower bar than libel.

I think this is appropriate.

(go ahead... downthumb that. I dare you Wink

)

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

??? I don't think I ever downthumbed you. See you as one of the good guys. Not that I always agree of course but you're a decent person I think.

My son was in an American school at some point, in NYC, and he kept being harassed by a bunch of girls at some extra-curriculum activity (basketball). We complained to the school but nothing ever happened, so after a while he decided to not do baskeball anymore... I still feel sad about that. I wish these bitches would have written an essay instead...

1 Reply

@Olivier5,

That wasn't targeted at you Olivier... I have a secret army of followers who downthumb pretty much anything I post. To be honest, I love the attention they give me.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

We are in agreement engineer. At least you are getting the upthumbs.

I'm in rare agreement here with you and Olivier5. Been up thumbing each respective post. Especially since none of these posts contain personal attacks and their answers themselves are reasoned and thoughtful. The posts themselves, I get people might disagree with their writers but the texts themselves aren't troll posts.

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@suchaflair,

I kept waiting to hear what he DID with the essay. If it was just sending it to you, just write him a '**** You' or 'thank you' note (which ever makes you feel better) and move on. Maybe it was just his way of processing the experience.

If he posted it around campus - different story.

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@maxdancona,

Oh, you too?

Now you got me jealous...

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What should I do if a guy write an essay about me?

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