perhaps my favorite Jerry-Kramer exchange
"I had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza today."
"Really?"
"We were talking about our lives, and we both kind of realized we're kids. We're not men."
"So then you asked yourselves, 'Isn't there something more to life?'"
"Yes, we did."
"Yeah, well let me clue you in on something... There isn't."
"There isn't?"
"Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry, marriage? Family? They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. 'Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?!' And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating."
"I can?"
"Oh yeah. You know why? Because it's dinnertime, and you know what you do at dinner?"
"What?"
"You talk about your day. 'How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know, how about you, how was your day?'"
"Boy."
"It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs."
"I'm glad we had this talk."
"Oh, you have no idea."
George's father as cook in the Army.
"Did you just double-dip that chip?"
"Excuse me?"
"You double-dipped the chip."
"Double-dipped? What are you talking about?"
"You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again."
"So?"
"That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip. Look, from now on when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it."
"Well, I'm sorry Timmy, but I don't dip that way."
"Oh, you don't, huh?"
"No. You dip the way you want to dip, I'll dip the way I want to dip."
So you just thought you'd eat some garbage.
"What if there should be an unfortunate accident?"
"You're going to rub out the dog?!"
Newman and Kramer's mother in the sack.
"Two-hundred seats on a plane and I gotta wind up next to Yukon Jack and his dog Cujo!"
Kramer gets the talk show set.
G.
Oh what's the point? When I like them, they don't like me, when I don't like them they like me. Why can't I act with the ones I like the same way I act with the ones I don't like?
J.
Well, you've only got another fifty years or so before it'll all be over.
G.
Maybe I need someone who doesn't speak English.
J.
Yeah, how about a mute?
G.
A mute would be good.
J.
Ah, where you gonna meet a mute?
G.
This is what my life has come to... trying to meet a mute.
"It's like I'm Neil Armstrong. I turn around for a sip of Tang, and you jump out first!"
"Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away."
So, if you took the raisins, or you didn't take the raisins...
"I am down. I am totally down. Mark me down."
"I was in the pool! I was in the pool!"<shrinkage>
J: Boy, do you smell something?
E: Do I smell something? What am I, hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.
J: What is it?
E: I think it's b.o.
"Don't we have a deal with the pigeons?"
"Of course we have a deal. They get out of the way of our cars, we look the other way on the statue defecation."
"There's this creepy new guy at work. He just comes out of nowhere and he's right next to you."
"So he just sidles up."
"That's right. He's a real sidler."
G: All right Bubble Boy. Let's just play... Who invaded Spain in the 8th Century?
Donald: That's a joke. The Moors.
G: Oh, nooooo, I'm sorry. It's the Moops. The correct answer is The Moops.
"What are you looking at? You never seen a kid in a bubble before?"
It's not really a bubble. It's a room divided by a plastic sheet.
I thought it was like an igloo.
