The cycles of life
Yes--definitely find a new doctor and try switching your birth control.
swestover,
From what you've posted, I'm not able to figure out if you've just recently, like in the last few years, experienced a reduced sex-drive, or has it always been that way? If your sex-drive was higher previously, it could be the type of birth control you are using, any other meds like allergy medicines, or simple stress from being a mother of three kids
even without a job can do that, no matter how sexy your husband is.
Swestover, you've gotten really great advice. I'd agree to seek out another doctor as others have mentioned, but I'd also recommend finding a few hours each week that are all your own without the kids AND without hubby. Some quiet time either for reading, a long soak in the tub, or whatever it is that you enjoy on a solitary basis. Your psyche needs that too.
Good luck!
It started after the birth of our last child who is now three. I just has gotten worse over the last few years. I am calling a new doctor to see if maybe i can try a different bc and see if that helps. It is hard to get time alone, I have no family here where we moved. Just my husband and kids. Sometimes I do feel in a rut and everyday is the same, that does not help either. thank you so much for your advice. everyone has been great!
AngryWaves wrote:swestover,
From what you've posted, I'm not able to figure out if you've just recently, like in the last few years, experienced a reduced sex-drive, or has it always been that way? If your sex-drive was higher previously, it could be the type of birth control you are using, any other meds like allergy medicines, or simple stress from being a mother of three kids
even without a job can do that, no matter how sexy your husband is.
Swestover, you've gotten really great advice. I'd agree to seek out another doctor as others have mentioned, but I'd also recommend finding a few hours each week that are all your own without the kids AND without hubby. Some quiet time either for reading, a long soak in the tub, or whatever it is that you enjoy on a solitary basis. Your psyche needs that too.
Good luck!
When did you move?
Sounds like there are a lot of different factors in play -- you may have to address all of them rather than expecting a single magic bullet. (bc, figuring out how to get some time for yourself, etc.) But what is most encouraging to me from what you say is that you're fine once you get going -- that indicates to me (no pro!) that it's less physical and more mental, and you want to address it, so you're halfway there.
Definitely definitely pursue the medical angle as well btw, but sounds to me like it could be several different things interacting in bad ways.
we moved about two and a half years ago. I like where we are but have no family or friends here to help or just to visit. It does get lonley. Once we get going i am fine it is just getting up the desire to start or the energy to get it rolling.
Maybe it is like you said just all thing together.. I am going to try differnet bc and maybe that will help some. I just gets too depressing sometimes that i dont even know what to do.
sozobe wrote:When did you move?
Sounds like there are a lot of different factors in play -- you may have to address all of them rather than expecting a single magic bullet. (bc, figuring out how to get some time for yourself, etc.) But what is most encouraging to me from what you say is that you're fine once you get going -- that indicates to me (no pro!) that it's less physical and more mental, and you want to address it, so you're halfway there.
Definitely definitely pursue the medical angle as well btw, but sounds to me like it could be several different things interacting in bad ways.
SOunds like Hubby needs a vasectomy. Then you can clean out the medicine cabinet and live a drug free life. Maybe try condoms for a few months and see if you feel better.
McG has a good point -- you have four kids, do you really want more? If not, why bother with the drugs?
The depression thing is another facet of all of this -- definitely can affect libido in and of itself.
I would LOVE not to be on bc but hubby will NO WAY go in for a vasectomy! Says it is a manhood thing. He does not like condoms either. so it is up to me. We are done having kids since i am 35 I really do not want any more and to have to start over would definatly push me ove rthe edge
I am thinking a tubal litigation might be the answer but i do not know if insurance covers it I know we jsut could not afford a big hospital bill right now..
McGentrix wrote:SOunds like Hubby needs a vasectomy. Then you can clean out the medicine cabinet and live a drug free life. Maybe try condoms for a few months and see if you feel better.
I think the "depression" comes from being away from my family and going through the stress of trying to take care of the kids, work and haveing to deal with this problem. the normal every day things most people go through. for the most part I am very happy with my life and my husband is wonderful but sometimes it all gets to me. we have 4 kids but the oldest who is almost 16 just moved to live with his dad in another state. that factors in my moods as well
thank you for all your help. everyone has been so wonderful. I have no one to talk to..
sozobe wrote:McG has a good point -- you have four kids, do you really want more? If not, why bother with the drugs?
The depression thing is another facet of all of this -- definitely can affect libido in and of itself.
Lots of normal everyday people deal with clinical depression, too, swestover... worth looking into at the least.
As for vasectomy, I understand that you don't know for sure what is causing what, but more and better sex is usually a good incentive... ;-P
I am going to look into different things, first is off the bc and then see what is what. Everyone is so nice and helpful here I am glad I found the site.
sozobe wrote:Lots of normal everyday people deal with clinical depression, too, swestover... worth looking into at the least.
As for vasectomy, I understand that you don't know for sure what is causing what, but more and better sex is usually a good incentive... ;-P
swestover wrote:I would LOVE not to be on bc but hubby will NO WAY go in for a vasectomy! Says it is a manhood thing. He does not like condoms either. so it is up to me. We are done having kids since i am 35 I really do not want any more and to have to start over would definatly push me ove rthe edge
I am thinking a tubal litigation might be the answer but i do not know if insurance covers it I know we jsut could not afford a big hospital bill right now..
McGentrix wrote:SOunds like Hubby needs a vasectomy. Then you can clean out the medicine cabinet and live a drug free life. Maybe try condoms for a few months and see if you feel better.
I think it is really sad that your husband would rather you be this way than to consider having a vesectomy. Or allow you to undergo abdominal surgery while his is a simple procedure. He should be ashamed.
Yes, he should be ashamed. As long as he can pee standing up, he's a man. Besides, his children are "proof" of his manhood. Does he want more? Then he should get over himself and do it.
A vasectomy is a quick, relatively cheap outpatient procedure done in a doctor's office compared to tubal ligation which is major surgery. Just the cost difference alone should make it an easy decision...not to mention the recovery time. How does he feel about taking care of the kids & house for a couple of weeks or more when you'll be off your feet? He'll be back to normal in three days.
Only a true wimp would spend the extra money and put his wife through all that just to avoid three days of discomfort.
Shame on him, indeed.
Eva is 100% correct. Give him a choice. Vasectomy, condom, no sex. If he loves you, he will choose one in an effort to help you feel better. I coouldn't even fathom a man putting his wife through this kind of ordeal.
I agree he should go get one done but he simply refuses. I guess he thinks it is easier for me to be on bc then for him to lose his "manhood" He says he does not want anyone down there with any kind of sharp instrument. I guess it is up to me. maybe if i give him the ultimatum no sex, condoms or he gets fixed he might change his mind but I doubt it. He really is a wonderful husband and is very aware of my feelings except for on this subject
Well, then YOU need to decide who is in control of you. is it going to be you, or your husband?
I was hoping that it would be both of us making a decision together but I guess that is not going to happen. You are right I am in control over my body and what i do with it. thank you!
McGentrix wrote:Well, then YOU need to decide who is in control of you. is it going to be you, or your husband?
While I agree that perhaps a vasectomy would be a good answer and your husband may be selfish for not getting one, I'm not sure placing an ultimatum is such a good idea. We have already discussed various other options (bc, time alone, etc.) that do not require ANYBODY to have a surgery that they don't want. I just wonder what kind of effect this would have on your husband. I think it may put more stress on the situation when there are other otions.
You are very right, we have enough stress as it is. What I dont want is to upset the cart anymore then what it is. I called a doctor yesterday and have an appointment next week to see what other bc options I have that might help. I also am planning a get away just for the two of us very soon
hopefully something will work. Thank you for the advice it sure has helped me an awful lot.
jpinMilwaukee wrote:While I agree that perhaps a vasectomy would be a good answer and your husband may be selfish for not getting one, I'm not sure placing an ultimatum is such a good idea. We have already discussed various other options (bc, time alone, etc.) that do not require ANYBODY to have a surgery that they don't want. I just wonder what kind of effect this would have on your husband. I think it may put more stress on the situation when there are other otions.
