Count of Banterbury's journal

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I have been thinking about this idea for a loong time and I think it's about the time to start. This will be my personal journal about thoughts, experience and lesson I will have during my life. I guess it will be mostly regarded to relationship, intimate issues as I struggle here most Smile

... for a reason Smile

... but maybe I'll add other topics later. I do not expect anyone to read or comment here, maybe in some time I ask someone to read some part and give me a feedback but if you write smt, here, PLEASE: follow all the rules of polite and decent conversation and understand, these are my personal insights and tells nothing about your own personality/whatever.

Why Able2Know?

Because. People here are (mostly) polite and basically every forum dealing with relationship issue is corrupted. It's based on it's very own definition. If you go to relationship forum, it's mostly because you have some problem by seeking answer or giving people advice. If many of such people gather on one place, what do you get? Dump. A2K is on of least affected places I know in this matter.

Why now?

something changed in my life. I have veery bad luck at the beginning (really. I was thinking about my life over and over and every time I ended up with the same conclusion: I always did what I could and my problems were result of circumstances, not myself. I am a human being after all which is flawed too. Therefore I feel no regrets for mistakes I have done nor do I blame anybody for anything that happened... maybe... with exception of one... who hurt me badly, betrayed me on purpose, but that's another story.). Today I feel mature, balanced, and prepared for develop my personality in a way just as I develop it in other areas - and I feel quite happy about me in other areas. So, let's get to it!

Briefly about me:

I come from former USSR country from a small city but my study/working times I spent mostly in several capitols. I am 27 by now, in several months 28. I did not have long term stable relationship so far, but as I stated - bad luck. Not me. I did have a few lovers and I must say, my intimate experience in this matter was very very good, exceeded my expectations and so I feel quite confident here.

I think this is all important to know. For now.

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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 3,941 • Replies: 38

@Count of Banterbury,

So, the first lesson: keep you temper down! (and don't bring up sensitive topic to people with limited intellect)

I was talking to a girl over one social network. At first I suspected her to be one of those so called "high value snobs" judging on profile pic she made - selfie with elastic black dress and very little description under it. I gave it a try anyway and eventually, she turned to be quite nice and outgoing girl. We had a chat about nature, tourism etc. but later she told me about how unhappy she is with current study - management. Here I lost my temper quite a bit because I studied it too and I well know how corrupted and useless it is. Along bashing economics schools I mentioned what to do better in order to give her useful tips how to get best from her study. People I usually deal with would be most happy for such hints. Her reply... I would say typical "not so bright student of economics". Some vague sayings and confusion, clearly she didn't know what to think or what to say about the topic. That was the last time I heard of her. She later she blocked me.

The conclusion: don't overreact even if the topic is personal and you are right. Person on the other side might not understand. Plus, she is clearly one of those who are in high demand - one little step aside and you are out of her scope. She must have dozens of guys like me waiting for her attention. One more guy out, one more guy to go. Game over, lesson taken.

Next time: be more skeptical when you hear "student of economy" (srsly, these people are usually not types for a deep debate) and don't try to bring up life/professional tips unless you are sure of their personality.

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@Count of Banterbury,

I read this story on another site in the last few days, was that you who posted it?

1 Reply

@Robert Gentel,

which site?

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@Count of Banterbury,

Nevermind, it was a previous post by you here. I think you got good advice there that you are ignoring here. Namely that you shouldn't give out unsolicited advice to near-strangers in a courting context (in most contexts, really).

Here you write it off as being the girl's problem and ascribable to limited intellect but regardless of the intellect of the person in this situation most people are not interested in hearing what most people have to say about their life and offering unsolicited life advice to a stranger is the dumb thing that happened here.

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@Robert Gentel,

maxdancona gave me great insight into girl's mind and he is right - "It sounds to me like she felt attacked. ...listen to what she tells you and don't give any advice unless she specifically asks for it. People aren't looking for you to jump in and fix their lives for them. "

yes, in general, this is very true. BUT we were talking about professional issue here: management. The first thing you get when get admitted into wester business school is personal mentor, person who will lead you through your entire study by his personal example. I have many of them, for any aspect of business administration. If she really got upset that I voluntary offered her my (I dare to say) not so limited insight and 7 years more experience than she had, it was her limited personality or at very least intellect to understand key issues of her branch. Therefore not my fault.

In general, I never interfere into people's personal lives (unless I see some severely destructive behavior) and this is no exception. Fact that her pride overcame her common sense can be described as her professional failure.

But I took my lesson: never push your skill to someone unless you are sure he/she is the right person. And I knew her for too little time to evaluate this.

Btw. I did the same "mistake" with one 16 y.o. girl and I am astonished how deep and comprehensive argumentation she is capable of, in some aspects, vastly exceeding my own abilities.

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@Count of Banterbury,

also, maybe I sound a bit too harsh on these people but I spent 5 years with them and can't say I grew fond of most of them. They are often very proud, very confident, take feedback personally but have little to back it up. What cannot be said by many other branches I keep rather respect for.

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@Count of Banterbury,

nah, let's sum up experience once more and clearly:

1) don't overact, not even when topic feels personal to you or attacks your own values. Such as politics, corruption and so. If you feel emotions are getting out of your hand, politely switch topic.
2) restrain from giving professional advice to people in a way it might seem like giving lessons. Although many people would be thankful to hear hints from more experienced ones, some, particularly those from less developed regions take it as attack to their personal qualities and act irrationally.
3) next time you hear "student of economics" mentally return back to your student times and recall what are typical characteristics of those people.

Not to interfere into person's personal life is a natural thing that I believe I stick very firmly to. No lesson needed there.

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@Count of Banterbury,

hmm... yesterday I met one great and beautiful redhead. I was gallant and friendly, so she had no reason not to respond me and we start talking.

Dammit, I don't tend to be nervous around women or even worried, but out of sudden I am full of doubt. I think this is the exact reason why I am talking to her - to get rid of such feelings. I guess I need me a beer. We exchanged several loong mails but she did not respond to me for over an hour. And so I feel insecure. Hahahahaha! When my future self will read this, I can clearly see that facepalm which will follow Very Happy

1 Reply

@Count of Banterbury,

Can I ask why you chose the screen name Count of Banterbury?

1 Reply

@Lilkanyon,

Because several months ago I used to have an account here. I forgot my account name, my mail and so I have no further access to it, no matter what I do. I chose nickname that is easy to remember. I am not throwing many jokes around, I know, but maybe I just had no opportunity for?

Actually I created this account mostly for this: to make a semi-public journal (I am openly surprised some people actually noticed it's existence...).

OK, here is a joke I like:

Trump: "It's not a toupee, I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."

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@Count of Banterbury,

I thought I recognized your style. Are you the Czech guy?

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@Count of Banterbury,

OK, day three of readhead conversation: The more I talk to her the more I like her. I understand that things we see in people we like at the very beginning are mostly illusions created by our minds to make it feel better, but illusion or not, I am enjoying it. If only she were biologist... (I always wanted girl from this sector... Very Happy

)

The thing that makes me wondering most is why would so beautiful girl in her best years (my standards are high, btw.) spent time on social networks? She must have flocks of males waiting for her attention next to her door...

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@ossobuco,

hmm... maybe. I am surprised somebody would remember me, but it it's not against forum policies, I would prefer not to mention this former account again. I have no access to it, no access to mail and I prefer keep my identity not revealed, if you won't mind.

Plus, past is a past. I feel... very different now.

1 Reply

@Count of Banterbury,

If you are the you I surmise, all I remember is that you had rather odd views about women. That is not all that unusual, of course.

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@ossobuco,

Yes I did.I was full of fear and self-doubt. Not any more.

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@Count of Banterbury,

Day 4 of "online dating". Readhead fine. Opened interesting topic.

I just had "double date" with two... younger girls (Skype videocall). Her roommate quite liked me, the original one is crazy about me. I have never seen so much amaze about me in girl's eyes ever before.

Sitting here makes me wonder...

WHAT THE F*CK WAS I DOING MY ENTIRE LIFE????

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@Count of Banterbury,

Count of Banterbury wrote:

Day 4 of "online dating". Readhead fine. Opened interesting topic.

I just had "double date" with two... younger girls (Skype videocall). Her roommate quite liked me, the original one is crazy about me. I have never seen so much amaze about me in girl's eyes ever before.

Sitting here makes me wonder...

WHAT THE F*CK WAS I DOING MY ENTIRE LIFE????

I am too. Still trying to figure out if you finally are old enough to have sex or you finally left your basement.

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@Count of Banterbury,

Good thing ignore feature exists. I am not even upset, each relationship-discussion place is toxic to some degree from it's very dentition. I just hope this is not going to repeat too often.

Day 5 or Readhead conversation. Well I did my best and along the way I invited her for a Skype call. She politely refused. I do not think this is s secret message "try harder", I think it's "lets remain friends and maybe in future, we'll see each other face to face". Unless she is not a fake! Gonna test it right away.

I don't feel much disappointed. In fact, I never truly believed she would have serious interest in me, if her photos are real, so beautiful gal must have simply too many men around, many of them more resourceful/closer than me to choose from, so it is very normal. After all, she always answers my loooong messages (each takes me over an hour of writing) with equal length, even twice a day so there must be a reason she is giving me so much time and it's not boredom/some psychological experiment (she studies psychology).

I must remember why I came to that place in first place - to learn more about women. And this expectation is exceeded greatly. If her profile is real, I did not even dream of having so long conversation with so beautiful one. Not to mention other girls showing clear interest in me.

Which leads me to another idea - age difference - there is something about it. On scale of difficulty of 1-10 talking to girls 6+ years younger than me, I would call it "Polish Auschwitz by Germany with cheats" effort Very Happy

. Once I had kinky-texting with one... quite smart gild and I used "mons Venus" term and she was all amazed how poetic I can be Very Happy

. It's just... hilariously simple (not that I have any bad intentions with them!!!! I will never harm feeling or take advantage of any of them and that is a clear law).

Who knows, maybe in 5, more years I will have it much easier with girls like Readhead too (who is of same age as me now)...

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@Count of Banterbury,

I don't know, maybe I am being stupid or immature or weird again but

a) I can have sex vith beautiful and skilled women (well, prostitutes). As have been mentioned my country, there are really great services regarding this matter and once could not even differentiate it from... "normal free sex"
b) I can have different loose relationship with nice, compassionate but a bit average women (the question is how remarkable I am myself, right???) that does not raise love feelings in me but I feel good in their company and enjoy their presence always.... almost always (when in not bad mood).
c) I can have friendship(s) with unique, remarkable women like this Readhead.

Maybe I should be simply thankful for things how they are. Just several months earlier I would not hope much for b) and c)... who knows what future will bring?

Speaking of the future... I am staring to grow belly! Fuk!!! The beer!!! I must cut it out but at the same time I lack... strength... not having those feelings alcohol makes (alcohol contains benzodiazepines which have the same effect on human brain as Valium for instance, making one feel relaxed and OK. There is one another thing that is 10-times stronger than this - sex. But I don't have it regularly and my brain always was addicted to this substance. I think every person is addicted too. Some are just better at resisting. I am not. Alcohol or sex. Right now I have mostly alcohol).

Somehow I must revoke my diligent training habits and make my body remarkable again, but this beer is an obstacle...

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