please decipher this for me

There are several misspellings and/or typos

be my guest = go ahead, continue, you have my permission to continue
voila =French for here is ; well ; so ; that's it
capish = Italian for "do you understand? "

Thank you, sir.

Voila means "there it is," and is used when presenting something to someone. The mangled Italian is usually spelled "capisce" when used in English.

He single-handedly mangled three languages in one email.

To be hypercorrect, at the risk of frightening the horses, it's correctly spelled voilà. I have had friendly arguments with Brits about e.g. frappé, naïve, soufflé, which just look wrong to me without the diacriticals. Also I especially hate the use of fiance or fiancé for a female betrothed.

Yes, I know the OP was quoting SMS messages, but you can type diacriticals on smartphones (long press the letter and a selection box pops up - works on Apple and Android), and I also know that modern French style is relaxed about accents on upper case although strictly speaking they are necessary.

This is someone who spells voilà viola. I won't expect him to know about French accent grave.

Why such heavy votedown?

You've got to love that . . . such things just seem to come naturally to some people.

I dated a woman named Viola once't . . . we didn't get on, though, because she wouldn't fiddle around . . .

I don't know. You might have frightened the horses.

In elegant French, "voilà" mean "there it is" or "there is... " and is used when pointing something out or indicationg something further away; "voici" is used to mean "here it is" or "here is... so that when physically presenting something to someone one uses "voici", however these days voici and voila are pretty much interchangeable.

You are in a train and for the first time in the trip you catch sight of the sea - voilà [la mer] !

You meet your girlfriend on her birthday and from behind your back you bring out a gift - voici [un cadeau pour toi] !

A waiter brings you your drink - voici.

Believe it or not, i knew that. However, i didn't consider it necessary for me to educate the author in French. Le voilà is used rather than voici.

Not all of us have hands resting on smart phones, oh prince.

No, but the person who sent the messages which gave rise to the question starting this thread used a cell phone, and smartphones are pretty ubiquitous these days (where I live - Britain - 66% of adults have one). It seemed only helpful to mention how to do diacritics on them. If it doesn't apply to some people, they can ignore it. Do you have a problem with that?

I'll grant your point. I happen to be poor. My having access to the internet is a kind of joy, and volatile.

But, many in the world can't keep up with techshit.

No, I don't think tech is ****, but I worry re arrogance multiplied.

Actually it was from an email and the person sent from a computer. Again, he typed voila (sorry for no accent grave!) viola. He obviously has no clue. Even if I tell him about the difference between voila & voici and the proper use of accent grave, it will all go over his head. Honestly I'm pretty sure he won't care.

Isnt voila (before the internet) mean. "Here it is!" Like pulling a drape off a masterpiece? Thats without the internet, without google or a dictionary, but how I grew up understanding the word.

What was left out was, this is not obviouslly an english speaker...so what were they translating from and to what? I read, quest done, here it is, understand. Thats MY english translation because thats how it was presented to me. Idk how it was given to you.