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Tue 23 Feb, 2016 11:15 am
My girlfriend of 6.5 years cheated on me. Which of 5 years we were together and 1.5 LDR when she migrated to another country to work, we already had plans of us getting married once she visit back so she can take me with her to canada.
Ill make it short as i can.
ive felt that she was already drifting away for me, not being able to communicate as usual as before, not being able to attend to our usual long talk during weekends, not being able to reply anymore on our usual chat conversation during weekdays, she always get mad at me easily specially when i ask whats happenning to her, to us. So my gut feel strongly told me that there is something wrong.
I then hacked and dugged her email, accessed her icloud then viola, i found a draft message that say and i quote "im finally free, ive already told him everything about us and he said that he will now stop, when we meet ill give you a lot of hugs and kisses". Right then and there it devastated me, i felt so helpless, i felt so weak and hopelessly betrayed.
I then confronted her, she tried to deny it but eventually i was able to squeeze it out, i then stopped talking to her for a week after i called it quits, then she kept messaging me, calling me, crying and begging that i forgive her and take her back.
After a deep soul searching i decided to give her a chance, she said that it was nothing serious, nothing happened physically and she already stopped talking to the guy and it was just out of loneliness, i really felt her sincerity and because of how much i love her i tried to forget about it even if it tore my world apart.
Then a week after, the same feeling came back, its like shes now treating me like crap, even if she didnt admit, we both knew that she never had stopped the communication with the guy, i begged her to stop, to choose me, i literally cried to her everytime we talked, it went on for a month like that.
But nope, she never stopped, then i got tired and chose to walk away even if it was so hard, i was so depressed and dont know how to move on with my life.
Because i was so depressed and i love her so much, i didnt stop talking to her, and i would talk to her from time to time, i then was able to make her confess everything, that she indeed fell for the guy, they saw each other almost everyday, watch movies, eat at a restaurant then have sex. Then my world continued to fall apart. I then stopped communicating with her.
I then questioned why would she beg me to stay and not to go away if she already loved the guy, she said that i was a fail proof, a backup plan, an option.
Their affair lasted for 4 months tops, turns out the guy was not serious and just used her, so eventually he dumped her. Now she is begging me again to forgive her, to give it a try, to give her a chance. Everyday she would call me even though i am ignoring her, promising that it will never happen again, that she learned the hard way, here's the problem.
Knowing what happened, i just really cant keep away frm her, i cant move on without her, i am really confused right now on how i feel, i am so mad but at the same time i wanna mend her for what had happend to her, also i feel regret because the things in the past that i did and was not able to do for her, i neglected her so many times but she put up to it and stay by my side, but i never cheated on her, doing that never even crossed my mind, so right now, im being torn between being incredibly stupid to be the good guy and forgive her and start over or choose to feel hatred, learn from the mistake and just walk away.
Any insights will be appreciated, i already know that its wrong but i am just hoping that someone may agree that i can still salvage our relationship.
@Djabberwock,
Assuming that she is still living in a different country, I would not listen to her unless she showed up on your doorstep and said it to your face. And all that would have to be HER IDEA, not a condition you impose. And even then, be skeptical.
In reality, you need to move on one way or another. You can never see her clearly when she is up on that pedestal.
@Djabberwock,
She cheated on you. You hacked into her email etc.
Neither of you is particularly appealing.
I think it's time for both of you to get on with your lives independently.
Hopefully you will both have learned things about how to have a good relationship from the mess you both created.
Good luck in the future.
@Leadfoot,
Thank you, but she getting home would be impossible due to financial reasons, should i really be calling it quits already? In 1-2 years she will be coming home already, i know if she will sincerely come back to me she will come back so should i just wait? Let time and fate decide and just go with the flow?
@ehBeth,
Thanks, was that a bad thing? I just did it because i was so sure that she was doing somethng, and we both have our fb passwords, so me hacking her email, was that a big deal?
@Djabberwock,
yeah
it was a bad thing
I'd have dumped your ass and blocked you already if you'd done that to me.
1 week, 3 months, 6 years ... there is no excuse for hacking into someone else's account
@ehBeth,
With all due respect, she demanded that we be 100% open with each other since day 1, so we had each other's credentials to all our accounts, its just that i forgot her email password so i had to hack it, and by the term hack, i just tried out different passwords that she uses, im sorry i was not clear on that part
@Djabberwock,
You're not making it sound any better.
Ciao.
@ehBeth,
I know, its hopeless and im delusional...
@Djabberwock,
Yep, I'd assume it was over and go on with life. If you both feel like getting together when she's back, then think about it.
But once both of you know you are a 'backup', it sounds pretty hopeless.
@Leadfoot,
Sad reality i still just cant accept i guess. I just thought that if id forgive her she would realize my worth, that if i will be there for her we can still stand a chance at making it work
@Djabberwock,
man I have done the same thing and staying with her is not worth it
@Djabberwock,
Yes, we all want closure when a relationship ends. But sometimes it's not in the cards.
I don't have enough details about her to tell for sure but there is a chance she has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). You might want to Google that and see if it fits this girl. If that is the case, forget it, you will never get an honest answer or reason from her.
@Djabberwock,
If she gave you her email password then it's not really hacking is it? She gave you full access. Not too smart on her part to use her email to communicate with someone else that she knew you had access to though. Maybe she wanted to get caught? She wanted you to find out so she could get out of your relationship or maybe have you make her stop that one? Talk to her in depth about why? Long distance relationships are so difficult, I have no experience but I can't even imagine. Sounds like you still love her, you're angry and are going through the grief process of losing the girlfriend you thought was faithful to you though, complicated by her wanting to get back with you. That relationship is over though. You'll see her in a different light now and will have to decide for yourself if this is someone you can love and begin a new relationship in sense with her. It's like starting over with the trust part at least. Only you can decide. It could be a 1 time incident, she may have fallen out of love with you or she is a serial cheater, only time will tell. You have to ask yourself if you want to find out? Is it worth risking your emotions and trusting her again? If not move on, if yes make sure you still have full access to each other so you'll know. Good luck to you either way.
@ehBeth,
you ehbeth are full of bull
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