Sayings from the Deep South - Looking for contributions

My father tells me of a co-worker of his who went to Moscow. The translator was having trouble with the myriad coloquialisms he employed (I think he was from Texas) as he explained how happy he was to visit.

The translator stopped translating, and the Texan asked why.

He explained "The closest I can come to translating "I'm just tickled pink to be here" is "Scratch me 'till I die".

This is a well-known list. I've actually heard people say most of them:


Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit.

It's been hotter'n a goat's ass in a pepper patch.

She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'

She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.

It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.

My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.

Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.

He's as country as cornflakes.

This is gooder'n grits.

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

Good stuff
Had a Texan friend who would take it to the extreme.

"Hotter than a jackrabbit in a wool sock on a tin roof in the middle of August."

So buck toothed he could eat corn-on-the-cob through a key hole.

guffaw DL

YES! Thanks all. Do hope the collection grows.

Fitter than a fiddle

Finer than frog's hair

Dumber than a lug nut

About as smart as a box of rocks

Nice work mac. A bunch of those are new to me.

Wait till PDiddie joins in! That ol' boy can pile it deep and knows how to spread it.

What a fantastic thread! I look forward to seeing more of these sayings..

Something is good: Slicker than deer guts on a doorknob.

Something is beautiful : Pretty as a speckled pup (or pig) in a red wagon.

ugliness: Ugly as a mud fence.

Ugly 'nuff to make a train take a dirt road.

Something is useful : Handy as a pocket.


Joe

PS I'm pretty sure we did this before, maybe someone could find the thread.

Exclamations of surprise:
"Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!"

Threats:
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes'll be outta style."
"This oughta jar your preserves."
"Don't you make me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya."

Compliments:
"Cute as a sack full o' puppies."
"Gooder than grits."

Weather:
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:
A bothersome person is "like a booger you cain't thump off."
When something doesn't work, you say, "That ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his butt was catchin."
A hectic schedule keeps you "busier than a cat covering up crap on a marble floor."

Insults:
"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, 'To be continued.'"
"He fell out of the ugly tree... and hit every branch on the way down."
"The wheel's turning, but the hamster's dead."
Bless her heart:

Any insult is followed by, "Bless her heart."
"She's dumber'n a door knob. Bless her heart."
"She's uglier than a bucket full of armpits. Bless her heart."

Two blonde builders from the deep south were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.

The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"

The second blonde exclaimed. "You sure are dumb! Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!

He was standing behind the door when God passed out the brains.

Man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward.

Crusin' for a brusin'.

You might be from the deep south If:

• None of your shirts cover your stomach.
• You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
• You judge drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take.
• You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
• You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
• Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
• You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
• You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
• You own a homemade fur coat.
• The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
• You think the stock market has a fence around it.
• You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
• You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
• You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.

Oh, Mac11:
I'm really interested in your list, but unfortunately, I can't understand them...

Lin wrote, "Oh, Mac11:
I'm really interested in your list, but unfortunately, I can't understand them... "

Do not worry Lin. I have a PC and I cannot understand anything written on a Mac. :wink:

However, Confucius says ...

Girl who go camping must beware of evil intent.


How do you know when you're staying in a Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."

How can you tell if a Louisiana redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age
in Oklahoma to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

A guy from Alabama passed away and left his entire estate to his
beloved widow,
but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Alabama?
Documentaries.

Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi. If it would've been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.

A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

The governor's mansion in Alabama burned down!
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
The library was a total loss, too.
Both books -- poof! -- up in flames
and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

A new law was recently passed in Mississippi:
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

Good stuff!

Lin, just ask and Mac and he'll explain. You see, the South is a bewildering culture.

Longer than the average well rope.

Some more:

In order to describe a child or a pet that has excessive energy, chuckle and say Shes wound up tighter than an eight day clock.


To graphically portray a hard rain or downpour, nonchalantly say It came a gullywusher


If someone grabs the last piece of fried chicken, laugh and say She jumped on that like a duck on a June bug!


When someone is a spoilsport or a wet blanket frown and say She clouded up and rained all over my parade.


When somebody doesnt seem to comprehend an important point a simple way to express this is to shrug and sigh then say He cant see the forest for the trees.


To imply an aversion to spiders shiver and say They give me the heebies!


After a hard day at work sigh and say I feel like I was rode hard and put away wet.


A small child with a dirty face might earn the comment He looks like he has been suckin a sow!


An extremely stubborn person would be described as Hed argue with a fence post!


To flatter a sweet little girl pat her head and say Shes a sweet little heifer.


As this same little girl grows up she might receive the compliment Shes as pretty as two pigs in a poke!


Even in the south there is occasional times of being overloaded or overworked, when this happens simply say I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off!


When a teenager decides to ask his father for a brand new car his mother would reply with disbelief on her face You dont have a snow balls chance in hell, son!

http://kyky.essortment.com/southernsayings_rrnk.htm

hmm...are these all from the deep south?

how about "holler louder than a stuck pig"