My affair

Sometimes we're addicted to the drama, and don't even realize it. It FEELS romantic, but he's just being a skeaze. Think about it. They always panic when the wife threatens a divorce. Men are weird about their stuff. He probably figures he can get back to cheating, after a while. Since he's begging her, let him go to her for sex. Find an available man. Serial cheaters are no bueno, anyway.

I had an affair, and I had to detox from the other man. After a while, it completely grossed me out that I had ever let another man touch me. He was a total train wreck, too. The time at the gym helped AND my pants fit better. I was able to clear my head and repair my marriage. It's just so NOT worth it. I knew that even if it hadn't worked out, I would NOT want to be in a relationship. I just don't need that validation, anymore, once I realized I was enough. I am am not a better "half" of anything. I am a whole. My happiness was no longer up to the man in my life.

Thank you for your kind words.

i started my topic here

http://able2know.org/topic/310626-1

i would be happy to have your advice there

thanx @Violet35 too

I have wondered if I would feel the same way in a few years....

The only issue I have, is I don't want to be in my marriage anymore. That's why I got to this place. Just thinking about the talk I have had with my spouse and what she said her feelings were the other night, makes me mad that she even wanted to get married and have a family with me.

I'm not innocent. I felt guilt over pressuring her into an abortion. And realized that at the time and while we were both living with our parents, starting careers and finishing college at the time, I chalked up the decrease in our sex life due to maturity and just having other priorities in our life. I told myself, we have so many things in common and there's never any conflict, things will be just fine.

Little did I know the lack of sexual intimacy was fear, resentment and guilt on both our parts. And her not saying anything was her lack of assertiveness and self-confidence issues. My not realizing it and saying anything was fear bringing it up would upset her, guilt over my pressuring her, my lack of assertiveness and just plain ol' being stupid and never talking to someone else about this and keeping it a big secret.

Until this past year, we have NEVER told anyone about our abortion.

I'm just coming to terms with accepting my feelings about how I feel about my marriage. For the longest time, I always thought I need validation for how I feel. But, I don't think she needs to feel validation for her feelings. It's just how she feels. I don't need that either.

While I don't want to leave for someone else, I certainly am not satisfied with being in my marriage.