Being friends with benefits with your ex

Forums: Relationships, Ex, Friends With Benefits
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I broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago. He was tired of spending time with me and needed some alone time according to him so I had to let him go. He told me that he still loved me and cared about me but wasnt ready for a relationship and that wasnt fair for me because my feelings for him were bigger and i deserve someone who would love me more. I wasnt ready to break up with him at the time i heard this so we decided to take a break for a week. I called him after two days since i had already done a lot of thinking and ended up concluding that i couldnt do this anymore if he didnt feel the same way anymore and i was the only one loving. We decided to meet up and break up since we didnt want to do it over the phone. The day we met up to break up, i told him we should still be friends and he said yes. He said we should meet up at least once a month and to not erase his number again. We went to have dinner and he was holding my hand and telling me how beautiful i looked that day. At one point, he was sending me kisses. When we were talking during the dinner, i told him that he shouldnt be sad or dissapointed even if i meet someone right away and he said that its ok but i shouldnt date one of my guy friend he used to always be jealous about. After some drinks, i got drunk and called him babe by mistake and we both started laughing about it. I was a little drunk and asked him to have break up sex and he said yes. He told me i should call him whenever i feel lonely. I am very very confused because i know that he doesnt want to go back to being in a relationship. I still like him a lot and i know that being friends with benefits with him will hurt me more because i still have feelings for him. I am not sure if he wants to have a fridns with benefits relation with me or he still likes me but is scared to be in a relationship again and he is trying to keep me close by staying as friends.

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,383 • Replies: 7

[+3] - maxdancona - 02/05/2016Geez Punkey! You seem to attack the man in every relationship post, even when it isn't warranted. I don't see where this guy has anything wrong. He has been a respectful to her. He has been...

@sun860123,

He's trying to keep you close so he can screw you whenever he feels like it, without the commitment or work parts of a relationship, such as dates, gifts, meeting your parents, not seeing other women, or having messy feelings get in the way.

If you want that, then have at it (and yes, I would say the same if the genders were reversed).

Your post is all about what he wants. Nothing in it is about what you want. You have a say in this, too, you know. Why would you settle for this?

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@sun860123,

You asked him to have "break up" sex. He agreed enthusiastically and said that hewould likely want to keep having sex outside of any relationship.

This sounds like good communication on both parts.

It seems to me that if he wanted more than "friends with benefits" he would say so. He has told you the type of relationship he wants, and that is what is possible, If this "friends with benefits" arrangement is what you want, then go for it. If you don't want a "friends with benefits agreement", then say so.

It would be unreasonable for you to stay in a "friends with benefits" arrangement with the expectation that this will return to something with more commitment (it might, but there is no guarantee).

In my experience the easiest relationship after breaking up is friends without benefits. Lot's of people do this and it works well.

So tell this man what you want, and if you can't come to a place where you both agree on a relationship that makes both of you happy (be it FWB, or just friends or something more), then walk away.

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@sun860123,

http://able2know.org/topic/309488-1#post-6118506

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Sun
Someday you will wake up and be very angry at yourself for being such a fool to accept so little from this guy.

Until then, do what you must. This is one of the things that a person has to go thru to toughen up the heart.

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@PUNKEY,

Geez Punkey! You seem to attack the man in every relationship post, even when it isn't warranted.

I don't see where this guy has anything wrong. He has been a respectful to her. He has been honest with her.

She came and asked him to have sex... he consented. I don't know why you are saying she is "accepting so little" from him. He let her go, she is the one pursuing him after the relationship is clearly over.

I don't see where you get your hostility.

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@sun860123,

sun860123 wrote:

I wasnt ready to break up with him at the time i heard this so we decided to take a break for a week.

I called him after two days since i had already done a lot of thinking and ended up concluding that i couldnt do this anymore

i told him we should still be friends

i told him that he shouldnt be sad or dissapointed even if i meet someone right away

I was a little drunk and asked him to have break up sex and he said yes.

I am very very confused because i know that he doesnt want to go back to being in a relationship.

you're confused? you are confusing

must be weird for him - he is trying to break up the relationship and you're setting out the rules of how it should go - you're not ready, he shouldn't be disappointed if you find someone new, you want to have sex

leave the poor guy alone already

I'd normally say FWB with an ex is ok, but I think he needs a break from you so he can get on with finding someone more suitable for him - and you need to get on with things on your own as well

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@PUNKEY,

what? do what she must? I'll agree if growing up is what she must do.

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Being friends with benefits with your ex

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