Asexual? Unsure?

Reply Fri 25 Dec, 2015 03:12 pm
Hi I'm Evan and I'm horribly confused. Not too much that I'm obsessing but enough to search out this website.

Every since I got my boyfriend (a physical female. I think the correct term is transgender but I'm unsure) I noticed something. We would often talk about sex as a joke, the same with kinks and I was okay with this, it didn't bother me, in fact most of the time I was the one that started it. But whenever we actually got serious and talked about it I couldn't. The thought of sex isn't arousing and it makes me uncomfortable.

When I get aroused I feel sick and, I guess, ashamed. I can watch porn and think, 'I want to be there' but often just to pleasure others, get the satisfaction of hearing them and then leave. The thought of them touching me would make me feel uncomfortable. I'm okay with pleasuring myself but I feel like I'm doing something that I just wasn't meant to do. Like it was someone else's job but they don't want to do it and at the back of your mind you just think, "I would never do this without someone coaxing me."

Whenever I want sex or I get horny this feeling doesn't really change. It's like I'm doing something that's not, well, that's not wrong but goes against what you believe. Maybe I should add I'm not religious. I'm sorry this is a jumbled mess but I'm kinda embarrassed, before this I found a website that I thought would help and turned out to be a Christianity website, and I'm tired and confused.

What does this mean?

I'm a nervous? A type of asexual? Am I just hesitant? Please help me. If you need more information, I will gladly provide.
Reply Fri 25 Dec, 2015 03:40 pm
@Evan Baby,
Well, you sound a bit like you've got feelings of shame tied up with your sexuality.

Please note - I am not a professional. But it seems to me that you touch yourself, it feels weird, you feel bad about it, and that's detracting from your enjoyment and is possibly blocking any desires to become intimate with your partner.

I suggest counseling to a lot of people, as I feel a lot of people dismiss it out of hand and never try it, or they don't put enough effort into it, or they don't seek a second opinion if a first counselor isn't working for them.

I am suggesting it to you now, as this sort of reaction feels like it might stem from something you went through when you were young.

Again - I am not a doctor. Please do NOT take this as a diagnosis of any sort. And you may very well be asexual. But asexuality doesn't seem to automatically attach itself to shame, at least it doesn't from my own observations of it. Hence I am suggesting you try to get to the bottom of these feelings and learn more about yourself in the process.

All the best to you.
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