Well, you sound a bit like you've got feelings of shame tied up with your sexuality.
Please note - I am not a professional. But it seems to me that you touch yourself, it feels weird, you feel bad about it, and that's detracting from your enjoyment and is possibly blocking any desires to become intimate with your partner.
I suggest counseling to a lot of people, as I feel a lot of people dismiss it out of hand and never try it, or they don't put enough effort into it, or they don't seek a second opinion if a first counselor isn't working for them.
I am suggesting it to you now, as this sort of reaction feels like it might stem from something you went through when you were young.
Again - I am not a doctor. Please do NOT
take this as a diagnosis of any sort. And you may very well be asexual. But asexuality doesn't seem to automatically attach itself to shame, at least it doesn't from my own observations of it. Hence I am suggesting you try to get to the bottom of these feelings and learn more about yourself in the process.
All the best to you.