I have been emotional murdered my girlfriend had sex with my brother and cousin should I leave her?

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I feel like I have been emotional murdered. My girlfriend of almost 11 years had sexual intercourse with my brother and cousin with in the last 3 years I don't know if it happened several times or just once with both. We have always had a rocky relationship. I have a confession from both my relatives but she will not admit she says that she can't remember and is suffering from a surpressed memory. We are now starting couples counseling. I had her take a polygraph 3 weeks ago she failed it. What makes this very hard for me is that we have a 20 month old baby together. I know her feelings have changed since we had our baby and so have mine it's like we're trying harder now for our relationship to work. I don't know what to do I am a total wreck. My brother and cousin have been staying with us off and on throughout our 11 yr relationship. These 3 people our the closet people to me in my life. I feel beyond betrayed by all of them I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can get over this. I'm trying to heal but yet she won't admit to me she says she may have blocked out the memories because it traumatized her. I just want her to be honest with me I love this woman and the other people involved to me this is the highest level of betrayal. Should I just give up and leave the woman I so deeply love and have a child with? Any advice or thoughts on this topic will be greatly appreciated thanks

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 5,765 • Replies: 25

@LeoZ82,

Give counselling some time.

Ýou've got a child and that needs to take priority (in my opinion).

Hopefully your brother and cousin are keeping a respectful distance from both of you at this time.

Being disrespected by your family as well as your girlfriend has got to be very painful.

__

Try to make it a joyous, fun Christmas season for your baby.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

To makes things worse I have to see them all together on Christmas Day for our family get together idk how I'm going to handle that. But thank you for your advice.

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@LeoZ82,

You don't have to attend the family get-together if you will be too uncomfortable. There is no law requiring you to attend. I understand that family wishes make it difficult but you can avoid it or minimize your time there. Let people know that you'll only be there for an hour (give a reason or not, it's really nobody's business - ever) if you feel you absolutely must attend.

It would of course be better if your brother and cousin didn't go but you clearly can't count on them to be respectful to you.

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As a slight side point, try not to push your partner on admitting or saying anything while you are waiting for counselling to begin.

Let the counsellor do the work. You don't want your partner to get so defensive that she can't proceed with the work in counselling.

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I don't have anything bright to say about this - I'd be devastated too and I'm a woman. I'm just posting in sympathy, and I'll add that the counseling for all you folks could be a good idea.

I would leave, but that's me supposing I'm you, which I'm not, but that also means support for your baby. Also, I don't know enough to give a useful opinion.

We also don't know her side of this.

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@ehBeth,

I don't think I'm going it's just too uncomfortable thx

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@ehBeth,

I have been kind of drilling her about this for a month it's been a emotional roller coaster. We both had one session alone with the counselor so far and our next session will be together. thx again for your awesome advice

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@ossobuco,

I can't decide yet if I should just let her go or try rebuilding our relationship it's the hardest decision in my life. I kinda want to see how counseling goes before I make a decision. But now that I think about it I always been a horrible boyfriend for 11 yrs and she told me last night that she felt like I never gave her enough attention,love or affection. She told me she felt like I never loved her but just cared about her to a point . Idk I'm lost right now

1 Reply

@LeoZ82,

Try to let the counsellor help you with this.

There could be a number of results. You could work it out and become a strong couple/family. Being together might not be the best answer for you in the long run, but working toward a good break-up could also be good use of the counselling process. The counsellor could also help you develop a good co-parenting system.

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@ehBeth,

Your amazing lol you have really good advice thank you

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@LeoZ82,

I'll vouch for that. She is amazing

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@LeoZ82,

Wait as second...pls pardon me for coming in late on this...but I have to ask some questions:

Quote:

... sexual intercourse with my brother and cousin with in the last 3 years ...

And you wrote...:

Quote:

But now that I think about it I always been a horrible boyfriend for 11 yrs and she told me last night that she felt like I never gave her enough attention,love or affection.

My feeling is that no matter how bad it may have been...within certain limits (such as there being abuse or total neglect)...you may have been a poor partner, she had sex with your brother and cousin! She chose to cheat on you multiple times with someone very close to you. That sends a very hurtful TOXIC message.

Cheating is one thing...bad in its own right..but cheating with your close relative - no way!

Counseling or not, I can't see there being much trust left to work with. If it were me, I'd find a way to make the future contact be civil and workable due to having kids together.

1 Reply

to the lurker with multiple accounts and with the thumbs. Merry Xmas Drunk

Cripes, I had barely finished the post. Get a life already!

If you disagree with that I wrote, just speak up!

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@Ragman,

I wouldn't worry too much Ragman, someone with OCD spends an inordinate amount of time stalking particular posters, just so he/she can thumb down their posts. I remember Chai2 complained of being stalked like that. I've seen hints that others have experienced it. And I've experienced it.

At the start you think it's just weird that anyone could bother, and as it goes on, eventually you realise the person must have severe personal issues, and then it becomes meaningless.

-----------------------------------------------

As a matter of curiosity though, I just went through my list of followers (thankfully not long), to see if I could find someone following us both. I found an interesting fellow, jefferadkins, who is also a follower of yourself, and numerous other a2k'ers.

What's interesting about this gentleman is he only has 11 posts, no answers to questions. All his 'questions' are one liners, all non related to the major posting forums of those he's following.

--------------------------------------------------

I'm guessing that you can set up an alert for when those you follow submit a post.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

Fascinating. I found the multiple accounts:

Adamkevinlee : member since 22 May 2015. 5 posts related to being married, and online dating (all very short, fluff posts). Follower of jefferadkins (who never posted in the marriage / online dating forums). Follows about 20 a2kers.

rambacha1 : member since 13 April 2015. Zero posts. Follower of jefferadkins (who’s last post was 26 Feb 2015). Follows 11 a2kers

massaglobaldubai : member since 26 June 2015, another follower of jefferadkins, zero posts, follower of 27 a2kers.

Wesleyjones : Member since 17 July 2015. Another follower of jefferadkins. zero posts. Follower of 37 a2kers

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@LeoZ82,

Shes a hoe... and would you still want her even though she did all that. I mean if you are old and ugly and think you wont get a girl soon than be stuck with that ho*. But if I were you would leave the Bitc* she open her legs meaning she f doesn't care about you and screw your family. Hell no boot her out and pay child support to see your baby. Your girl didn't make the baby on her own got it.

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@ehBeth,

That's right don't go if its uncomftable you don't want to mess the family gathering for your other family. Just don't talk with your brother and dumb cousin so they know they messed up badly. And hope u have other family members to chat n hangwith.

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Reflect for a moment and ask yourself, In the future if she does changed, are you capable of looking past everything that happened and continue with the relationship without being consumed by the betrayal that she and your relative had made? In my opinion it's better to end things now than to wait til it gets harder to let go. What they did is forgivable but can never be forgotten. And the pain can be unbearable that even love will have a hard time fixing. It's totally up to you to decide.

0 Replies

@LeoZ82,

she is a slut leave her

1 Reply

I have been emotional murdered my girlfriend had sex with my brother and cousin should I leave her?

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