Did I blow my chances with him and should I apologise?

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I'm in my final year at university and I've had the feeling one of my tutors liked me for a while. However I wasn't really sure as one week during class he mentioned something about his girlfriend, so I thought I'd just misinterpreted any previous signals.

Last week in class he asked me to read out a poem and said it was 'beautiful' after I'd finished, then apologised for having picked on me to read it out after class as I got really flustered/nervous.

I had a tutorial with him earlier this week and he was really nice and said my essay was his favourite, then when we'd finished he started asking me different non-work related questions about my plans for the holidays, where I was from and my opinion on the module/general subject matter. I'm really shy with guys/new people so I kept giving short answers and avoiding eye contact with him, and I think he thought I didn't like him or want to speak to him.

I kind of glanced at him when I was about to leave and he looked kind of upset so now I feel really bad. The semester's over so I won't see him again, but I was wondering if I should email him and apologise or just leave it?

I'm aware that there's a bit of a taboo regarding teacher-student relationships; however as I'm no longer taking the class I'm not actually his student anymore, and there's no way there could be said to be a conflict of interest with regards to his teaching/my studies.

I'm also slightly confused about how he feels as he's given small signs of liking me previously, but then the girlfriend comment threw me a little. It makes no sense that he'd be so friendly and try and strike up a more personal conversational topic if he didn't have any interest in me, so I'm wondering if he mentioned a 'girlfriend' to try and make me jealous or see my reaction? If it helps, he's in his mid-twenties and I'm in my early twenties.

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 661 • Replies: 3

[+3] - jespah - 12/13/2015[quote="at-the-plate"] ...here in the U.S. teacher-student affairs, even outside of a mentoring relationship, can lead to big trouble (especially for the teacher). Besides, if he's using...

@Cuteshygirl,

When did he mention his girlfriend? Could it be that they've since broken up?

Couple of other points:

It sounds like you're at a U.K. university. I don't know what it's like there, but here in the U.S. teacher-student affairs, even outside of a mentoring relationship, can lead to big trouble (especially for the teacher). Besides, if he's using his position as a tutor to get your attention romantically, well, it's kind of sleazy, isn't it? How do you know any of those comments about your academic ability are actually true?

Second, I know it's probably hard for you since you're shy, but you need to work on your eye contact. If a woman I like doesn't look at me when I talk to her, I immediately assume she's not interested.

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@at-the-plate,

at-the-plate wrote:

...here in the U.S. teacher-student affairs, even outside of a mentoring relationship, can lead to big trouble (especially for the teacher). Besides, if he's using his position as a tutor to get your attention romantically, well, it's kind of sleazy, isn't it? ...

Absolutely. This is big time unethical.

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@Cuteshygirl,

I think its okay to just let it go and I'm not exactly sure what you would be apologizing for. Try not to beat yourself up about any coulda-shoulda-woulda thoughts and feelings. As a young woman at university you are in an excellent position to meet a great guy but you have to be selective and somewhat intentional. Moving forward you will be graduating and working so the opportunity to socialize with multiple eligible guys will begin to dwindle. Figure out for yourself who you are, what you want out of life and a relationships and then be proactive to fulfill your goals. They say men are not mind readers and neither are we. This tutor left you playing the guessing game with a group of internet strangers. I didn't hear anything about a coffee date, dinner and a movie, lets go to a sporting event or a party. He blew it not you but I do think you need to do some self assessment.

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Did I blow my chances with him and should I apologise?

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