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Flowers: will she think you've lost your penis?

 
 
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 09:47 am
Do flowers still work? Do all girls really go for them, as the media has convinced me and lots of other men?
Or will your girlfriend think you are corny. Or does the kind you get for her determine that?

If it is not because you screwed up, not as an apology, no alterior motive (remember, we are always trying to get laid, everyday, so that cancels out that motive) can a guy generally count on flowers, or should he be a little more original?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 4,192 • Replies: 75
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 10:03 am
Girlfriends: flowers are great, if she likes flowers, obviously.

First date: you have no penis, and this should be avoided at all costs.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 10:36 am
I was just bowled over with flowers. Me 'n' hubby don't usually do much of anything for our anniversary, but this year he got me a dozen roses (really nice ones, from a high-end florist), for the 12 years we've been together -- 8 red ones for the 8 years we've been married, 4 pink ones for the years we were together before that. I loved it.

(Had a quip about the no-penis thing but he'd kill me if he saw it. :-D)
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Joeblow
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 11:40 am
No flowers OR chocolate OR gifts of any kind on the first date UNLESS, you know her before hand. Sure sign that you have no penis, otherwise. O.k. not necessarily, but don't do it.

I'm not sure what you mean when you ask if a guy can "count on them." For what?

If you mean birthdays, etc, I'd personally think "and flowers" not "or flowers" if you've been together for a while. More originality is required if you've relied on them for too many events (originality isn't the right word, perhaps thoughtfulness is better).

If you mean as a spontanious act of "wooing," I'd say you can count on them with many women. At least you could, for me.

The card often means more than the flowers (though I love the flowers and they don't always have a card).

I still like getting them.

See Soz's post above for ideas on thoughtfulness- 8 red and 4 pink and the reason why he chose them. Like that.
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Joahaeyo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 12:18 pm
For a date/gf?

Of course.

Here's the thing, imo.

If a girl likes you, anything you do to show your affection will be accepted with open arms.

You're only a penis when she doesn't like you. THEN, your efforts may come off as you've got no backbone. ...a guy that falls under "too nice." Please don't mistake this for a "nice guy."

The "too nice" is the: If I say I like pepperoni, you say you do. You can't say no and always find yourself doing whatever she wants. ...and you find yourself always calling her, and getting nothing in return (her making equal efforts to show her interest).

The "nice guy" is someone who keeps his backbone and still knows how to be a gentleman. I think it's awesome when a guy gives you flowers AFTER the first date. It says, "Hey, I had a good time and I am interested. Here's letting you know that I think you're a cool kitty."


Too much all the time is where things cross the line of "annoying."
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 12:22 pm
But if you like a guy, and he DOESN'T bring you flowers, did he screw it up with you? Of course not.

So, how does the guy know if the chick will percieve it as him going overboard with flowers? Some chicks are turned off by stuff like that early on. Better off just not bringing gifts until after a relationship is established. Besides, you can't give a girl gifts until she's "earned" it...know whaddum' sayin??? *Wink Wink* *Elbow Elbow*
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Joahaeyo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 12:29 pm
Yes, you're right. Some girls (myself) are definitely turned off by it. I mean.... flowers are pretty but they die ....in like a few days. Yet the guy goes to 1-800-flowers and spends $60 on them (mostly for the vase which she has a stash of from the other guys who did that).


I guess I'm not helping.

When "the right guy" came along and sent me flowers "too soon" ...it came off as nothing more than, he's so sweet. Maybe I even thought, "I've got this boy whipped" but I was far from running away.

He redeems the longer end of the rope when he keeps me waiting for that phone call (making me lose a lot of the rope b/c I become too eager) or by keeping his cool when looking at me. What I mean by that is, there's always that guy who lets you know 24-7 that he likes you by the way he looks at you (drool). THAT is annoying and those men should just stick to stalking girls on match.com b/c they ain't getting any, anytime soon.

If she makes you want to give flowers, give them.
If she doesn't appreciate them, screw her.
You've got 100 dating sites to find another chick.
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Joeblow
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 12:39 pm
Imagine how often you might like to get them. I'm presuming you're not fundamentally opposed to flowers. If you are, then think cigars or some other equivalent. At what point would it seem rather ho-hum? Ever?

How 'bout cigars for every event for ten years?

I can and do buy my own flowers. It's the surprise that's so nice when he does it. He's thinking of me! That feels great!

Compared to

Flowers (again). Thanks.

Both are nice, but the first is better. At least for me.

This isn't meant to slam anybody's flower giving habits. There was a woman in our office who received a dozen roses, every day for a week! A different colour each bunch. The rest of us went CRAZY! WOW! Her guy had gone to Italy and arranged it before he left. She loved it and if the truth be told, so would have I.

You're right.

We're impossible.
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Joahaeyo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 12:58 pm
The last three guys I dated (one who I am currently engaged to) sent them ONCE A WEEK.

In all three cases, I thought, "oh flowers again..."

However, one of the guys was just "Trying too hard" and about as annoying as they come. The classic no backbone guy.

The other two just couldn't resist showing me how much they liked me, so FOR that reason, it never becomes "ho hum....again."

My mom always says: Appreciate it now. Don't say anything. Because once you're married, it'll all end. IF IT DOESN't, you'll ask it too because then you'll want him to not waste money, etc.

Again, IMO, if a girl is worth dating, she will probably just hold her tongue. JUST as you may hold your tongue when you really like a girl but she can't let go of you (clingy or always saying that favorite line: Whatcha thinking?)

It's hard to answer that b/c I am in those shoes. Even if I think "oh flowers again...." .....I also think, "I'm so lucky."
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bromeliad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 01:02 pm
Sometimes I get into a rather pitiful mood because I've only gotten flowers once without specifically asking for them.

Yes, get your gf flowers. Especially for no reason at all (not a special occasion, not 'I'm sorry' for whatever). Sometimes the best flowers are not expensive; often you will find nice ones at a farmer's market. Or go to a florist and pick and choose for a bouqet (not an arrangement).
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 01:05 pm
Definitely on farmer's market. I'm not usually too excited about long-stemmed roses -- they're so cliche -- these particular ones were quite nice, though, and nicely packaged. But generally, I'd love to get some fresh local flowers more than those fragrance-less, waxy florist's flowers.
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kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 01:07 pm
Flowers work on ALL women, regardless of the situation, if you are confident. Period.
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Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 01:15 pm
Yeah, I was talking about in an already established relationship. Several months.

No way in hell would I give a girl a dozen roses on the first date, unless it was one of the sorority girls I ritually sacrifice. Come on.

The context is a "get well" situation, like she's been sick. I haven't been too overboard with flowers, cards, etc, because I generally think it is better to pick your spots, and certainly it is the type of thing reserved for after at least a couple months of dating, for reasons Joahaeyo already stated. But for those same reasons--giving her the impression that I'm whipped, etc.--I hesitate.

Maybe like one flower or something would be good.
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 01:46 pm
You can't go wrong with sending a fedex to her doorstep with a kitten's head inside the box.
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Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 01:48 pm
And a card attached containing the pun, "Thought I'd give you a little head."
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Eva
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 01:57 pm
Yuk yuk yuk.... Rolling Eyes

Seriously, I've always loved getting flowers. Especially when they're not the standard grocery store bouquet. I'd rather my man go to the florist and pick a few stems of something exotic...freesia, asian lilies, miniature tulips, bird-of-paradise or the like...and fer gawd's sake, not those boring red roses. Show some imagination! Find out her favorite color(s). A few stems tied with a large ribbon...irresistible!
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kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 02:10 pm
No way, Gargamel. She's sick, she isn't mad at you. No need to get her anything. All you have to do is, when she's feeling better, give her the high hard one a couple a good times.

No gifts, cards, or sappy crap necessary.
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fortune
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 02:14 pm
I've always been fond of tulips. I love roses too but not the boring red kind, my favourite is a breed known as 'blue moon', it has the most magical perfume. For colour I like the really, really dark red kind, the ones that are almost black and sort of velvety looking.

I don't like getting flowers on the first date, unless it's attending something very sophis, the kind where the guy wears a tux and I wear an evening dress, and then a single long stem is sweeter than a huge bunch.
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 02:16 pm
How sick is she? That would go a long way to determine how much you should spend.
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Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Aug, 2004 02:24 pm
being considerate
Gargamel wrote:
Yeah, I was talking about in an already established relationship. Several months.

The context is a "get well" situation, like she's been sick. I haven't been too overboard with flowers, cards, etc, because I generally think it is better to pick your spots, and certainly it is the type of thing reserved for after at least a couple months of dating, for reasons Joahaeyo already stated. But for those same reasons--giving her the impression that I'm whipped, etc.--I hesitate.


Gargamel:

Showing your girlfriend a little thoughtfulness and consideration to uplift her spirits because she has been ill does not equate to being whipped.

Being whipped means that you don't dare do anything you want to do, that you avoid spending time with other people, or you hesitate talking about things you would ordinarily talk about because you're afraid SHE will become angry, throw a fit, and deprive you of her magnificent presence.

LOL Be nice to your girlfriend--buy her a card and a cheery bunch of flowers. She won't think, "Wow! I have him whipped now!" More likely than not, she will think, "My boyfriend was sweet and thoughtful to me when I was sick--he's a special man."
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