Married people only... Glad you did? Regret it?

I was married for five years. I'm glad I did it and I'm glad I'm out of it. My ex and I are still friends. I far prefer the single life as I'm having a ball!

I'm glad I'm married and broke, as the wife has a proper job. Being single and broke really sucks ass. Just kidding, we both pull our weight, but my self-employed income is a little more sporadic. What concerns me is we are an awful lot my parents, self-employed dad and working mom <shudder>, except we have no kids. It's too spooky for words.

Incidentally, never let yourself be bullied into such a major commitment as marriage. If it's not a mutual decision, you're better off being single. That tactic is just a sign of further hell down the road.

Prior to my wedding, mypastor counseled me: "Better off single and lonely than in a marriage that you regret".
That hasn't been an issue for me, though--I'm glad I married my wife when I did and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Been married going on 54 years and haven't regretted it for one moment. One need only remember that marraige is a two way street.

I think some of it's in the phasing though, Cav; for example, it sounds similar to what happened with Dag recently, and from what she has said it sounds like she handled it exceedingly well.

It's not uncommon for people to start just ("just") being in love and being happy with that, and down the line realizing hey, I want a family... do I want a family with this person? Does this person want a family with me? And if no, why am I wasting my time?

I think that's legitimate.

But I also have seen it handled in bad/ manipulative ways. Seems kind of a sad way to start off a marriage.

I got married "older" - 34. I am very glad I waited so long. I would not "settle" or get married to get married. I enjoyed being single and I enjoy being married. There are both good and bad about both. Not one is better than the other, in my opinion, just different. The only disadvantage I can see about waiting longer to get married, is you have children when you are older. Actually that is not all that bad. I am much more patient than I would have been when I was younger. I was "ready" in a sense to have children also - mentally ready. However, I did not have the advantage of being just a married couple for several years before having children.

I am with you justanObserver, you should never be "forced" into being married. I would not want some one to marry me that I had to "force". You made the right decision.

Congrats to you and the Mrs on 54 years! For some reason, I thought you were a 'younger' poster who was very wise for his years. :wink:

If I had to do it over, I would have married my husband later when my son was older. He was four years old when we married and I wish I would have dedicated more of my time and effort into being a mom instead of being a married woman. Raising a son with a step-father was not easy. My hubby is terrific husband material but awful parent material.

Often times I found myself caught between the two and I hated being in that position. If I had to do over, I would have dated once in a while and married once my son was graduated from high school if there was someone special (either my current hubby or someone else) in my life whom I wanted to marry and who wanted to marry me.

Oh, I hear ya Soz. I agree, there is a huge difference between discussing a future and making an ultimatum.

Well, as usual I'm going to play devil's advocate. After my man and I had been together for a year and a half, and he had been dropping hints for almost a year...(such as, "Why should I buy a new vacuum cleaner when we'll probably get a new one when we get married..." "Oh!" I'd reply, "are you asking me to marry you?" "No," he'd answer, "but I'm thinking about it." He kept dropping hints and "thinking about it" for a year!)...I finally got tired of waiting for him to make up his mind where this relationship was headed. I told him in October that he had 'til Christmas to decide whether we were headed for marriage or not. If he couldn't decide by then, I'd make the decision for us and leave. I knew I eventually wanted to be married, and I wasn't willing to go on "sharing two apartments" forever.

Characteristically, a week before Christmas he still hadn't given me an answer. One morning he asked me what I'd like for Christmas. I told him I wasn't sure we'd be spending Christmas together. He acted like he didn't know what I meant, but I knew he was still stalling. That evening, he "decided" he did want to marry me. We told our families at Christmas, but didn't set a date until the next spring. We were married in July.

It's not the most romantic story, I know. He's just like that. I doubt we would ever have bought a house or decided to have a child if I hadn't forced those issues, too. He knows he's a procrastinator, and he has thanked me for being this way many times because he's very satisfied. We have a great life together.

Sometimes you just have to take a stand.

i think that's unfair.. i mean if a woman wants a man to marry her she should propose!
That's the kind of out-on-a-limb thing they expect men to do and they don't expect the same of themselves.
want equality in marriage?
treat each other equally dammit!

Personally, I see Eva's nudge at what she already knew was in the cards due to his openeness as acceptable. Often men don't want to propose, not because their heart isn't the right place, but because they get wrapped up in the finances and what not of such a future. It's that caveman instinct of needing to be the 'breadwinner'. I have no problem with women reminding men that a marriage is an equal partnership. I also don't have issues with women proposing! A lot of guys would find that very romantic, strong, and hot.

Mind you, a proposal from a woman is leagues away from "Marry me or we're through."

Mind you, a proposal from a woman is leagues away from "Marry me or we're through."

Yes it is, cav. But "Marry me or we're through" is NOT that far away from "Are we headed toward marriage or not?" If I hadn't given him the Christmas deadline, who knows where we'd be today.

Some guys are nervous about finances, etc., but some just have trouble making decisions and won't do so unless they have to. In our case, it wasn't fair to me for him to keep dropping hints and refusing to say what they meant. After a year of that, I needed to know where the relationship was going. So I guess sometimes ultimatums are a good thing. I could not live in limbo forever.

I married my husband just shy of my 40th b-day. My only regret in marrying late is that I never had a child. My husband has three kids and we all get along great and I look forward to being a 'grandma by marriage' but I do regret not having any children of my own.

Glad I got married? Hell yes. I had a full life as a single person, family, friends, career, but there was always something missing. I ached for someone to love and for someone to truly love me. When I met this marvelous man, my Georgia peach, and married him, I considered myself the luckiest woman in the world. Still do.

I married my first wife at age 30 and right away regretted it. I married my second wife at 37 and I wish we had met when I was single the first time.

I've never been married and probably never will be. I've been engaged 3 times, but never followed through (thank god)!
I've lived with 2 different men, at different times of course, for several years each and they helped me decide that I prefer not to get married. If I fall in love again, I'll just live with him :-D

People who have long marriages astound me.