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How can i get closer to my girlfriend?

 
 
Reply Tue 17 Nov, 2015 03:04 pm
So, im 15 and my girlfriend is 14 and weve been dating for about a month now. So yesterday we had an argument because she was mad at her friend and didnt want to tell me what was wrong because she thought i might bring it up one day and cause her to lose a friend. So our argument was about how she didnt trust me. We ended up resolving our argument however as we were arguing she said, "you don't trust me either, since weve been dating all you told me was basic things". And now that i think of it there are many things going on in my life or have happened yet she doesnt know about it. Her friend also messaged me just yesterday telling me about how her mom had died of cancer when she was only 9 yet i never knew about this. I feel like a bad boyfriend and i want to know how i can get to know her more deeply, not just basic things and the reason i am confused is because i dont know how to create a conversation with her like this. I know im lame but id really appreciate some help!
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 576 • Replies: 10
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ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Tue 17 Nov, 2015 03:11 pm
@xxmonisxx,
Just tell her what you just said in your post - preferably in person, not texting or by phone.
xxmonisxx
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 Nov, 2015 03:29 pm
@ossobuco,
Not exactly sure how to bring it up, like what should i say?
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 Nov, 2015 03:51 pm
@xxmonisxx,
Oh, come on, just start talking about it as you did in your post. Don't go memorizing words. Quietly, nicely, something like you said here -

You said I only tell you the basics... I realize that you are right.
"And now that i think of it there are many things going on in my life or have happened yet she doesnt know about it."

Don't drag the friend into it. Let your girlfriend tell you about her mother if and when she feels like it. Don't mention it, that is for her to tell when she decides to.

Don't expect trust to happen in five minutes. Just be straightforward when the opportunity happens and you feel like telling stuff.
0 Replies
 
Youthinkimdumb
 
  2  
Reply Tue 17 Nov, 2015 03:55 pm
@xxmonisxx,
First she is fourteen. She had insecurity issues and her own problems and baggage. Maybe she is having an attitude because she does not think you listen or seem interested about her. At fourteen she may wonder if all you hang about for is kissing and potentially sex.

So how you go about it is start listening well. when her friends talk about her, and when she talks about herself. Remember the details. Ask questions. Summon the courage man! Smile you can do it.

Keep in mind this all is a learning curve. I met my husband when i was 16 and was married by 19. We have issues now but up until the recent years its been great! But i have been where you are. You are young cut yourself and your girlfriend a break. Keep it light, get to know each other and be friends first and foremost. Wink Thats how you grow close to someone. Not saying you need to break up, just focus on friendship more than the tense kissing and the jealousies that happen in high school. Wink
xxmonisxx
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 Nov, 2015 10:30 pm
@Youthinkimdumb,
Well, actually it turns out the reason she did not trust me was because she wanted me to block one of her friends number a few weeks back, because she did not want her friend to send me funny pictures of her, however when she gave me this reason i thought she was just joking because it did not seem like a very serious reason and she was laughingly saying it so i did not block her friend, so she did not know whether she can send a paragraph of her expressing how mad she was at her friend because she thought one day i might bring this up and she may end up losing a friend. So basically she knows i am definitely comitted and as you said get to know her little by little, i dont really know about this anymore because clearly while we were arguing she said ive only told her basic things (meaning i think we should know more deep/important things about eachother) yes she has forgiven me now and trusts me however that one statement she made while we were arguing has been bothering me alot and i want to somehow start a conversation with her without sounding awkward and learn more important things about her and the fact that her friend told me that stuff about her shows that theres alot i should know about her and i just feel like a straight up terrible boyfriend and yes i know many of you aren't even taking my question very seriously since im young (not saying you) but do believe me i care for her with my all my life, and i've honestly kind of lost practice with these kind of situations so im just wondering if you might be able to tell me what to say to her to instigate this conversation with her to know more than just basic things, sorry for the long reply :/
Youthinkimdumb
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 Nov, 2015 11:10 pm
@xxmonisxx,
Well your lengthy post details what is REALLY happening. She is very idealistic about what she THINKS a relationship is. Ultimately its to be expected she is fourteen but at fourteen you are not expected to share all the deep ****. You are playing and having fun. This is the time to explore. You are not to be bound by ideals of what a relationship is. Why? because it will make you think relationships are like this. She is not acting healthy. she is not expecting realistic things. If her friend would send you pictures its because she has a drama thing with them ABOUT you. Her losing her friend is not about you and your actions, its about hers and her friends. She immaturely does not see the real responsibility in a possible friendship lost.

She has forgiven you? She is twisted and confused about who is really responsible...you have nothing to be sorry for. I don't really get this dynamic but i really get the feeling its not really REALLY about you. Unless her and this friend are fighting about you.
xxmonisxx
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2015 07:35 am
@Youthinkimdumb,
I think i might of confused you a bit because of the way i write. Well, the reason she told me to block her friend (when we started dating) was because she wanted to see whether she could trust me enough to block her and not lie about it, the whole picture thing was just a reason she had to give me because i asked why she wants me to block her. However the fight she had with her friend (a different friend) was a complete different reason. She was mad at her friend and the things she messaged me about her she thought i might bring it up one day as a joke infront of her friend, then there friendship would end. This is what made me angry because i thought she didnt trust me. And when i said she has forgiven me, by this i meant i had cleared things up and now she trusts me atleast i think. I just want to get to know her better because clearly we arent going to on a whole year with just knowing basics about eachother even if she is only 14
Youthinkimdumb
 
  2  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2015 10:20 am
@xxmonisxx,
Well good luck. I still think even with your clarification of the issue that you girlfriend is Testing, and manipulating you. (However, being she is 14 its a natural response to learning how to interact on a romantic level as well as intimate. she is making a lot of mistakes and you are too. Pie in the sky hopes, but the good news is you are obviously very sensitive and trying to be a good boyfriend. Sure you may fail her tests. You may break up, but you live love and learn. You will be fine in the end. Win or lose. Good luck with the girlfriend. She is struggling with her own head space. Wink If you really want to have a long time with her just keep being patient. To be frank i think you have been a good guy here.
xxmonisxx
 
  0  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2015 03:29 pm
@Youthinkimdumb,
Thank you means alot Smile
0 Replies
 
xxmonisxx
 
  0  
Reply Wed 18 Nov, 2015 03:29 pm
@Youthinkimdumb,
Thank you means alot Smile
0 Replies
 
 

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