7
   

Long Term Relationship Becoming Strained

 
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:43 am
@valarmorgoulus,
Hang in there..and again...time will tell. Right now..you need to lighten up on your emotions..that anxiety piece of things.
Quote:
I'm not sure it is real anymore.

Because that what is happening might be at odds with how you view the world and what you want to happen.


Try not to catastrophise over this. It may yet have a happy ending. Back to the important issue. She needs the time and space to be independent and sort this out on her own.

That is within your responsibility. You'll feel better once you work on this part.

I wish you good luck with this.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:44 am
@valarmorgoulus,
Bingo!
valarmorgoulus
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:46 am
@Ragman,
Any suggestions on how to work on that? I'm all ears. In the past Ive tried journaling and that seemed to help for a time but I started to obsess over that as well. Maybe I should pick up yoga, lol.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:48 am
@Ragman,
I think (but don't know) that the anxiety is about a deep need to be totally loved now and as years go by. This is a fantasy. Love is a many splendored thing, and also a thicket; it will grow, or it won't, but mostly requires thoughtfulness over time and is not a cut and dried situation as in "I've nabbed it now", the prize.

It would be the same with the next person as well.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:49 am
@valarmorgoulus,
Yes, yoga might help. Meditation might help, also. It has helped others (including me) in life.
0 Replies
 
valarmorgoulus
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:50 am
@Leadfoot,
and you're on the opinion that it wont get better... I've also thought about the fact that maybe we just arent right for each other right now. Maybe a break up is what we both need really appreciate one another and perhaps our paths will intertwine again. Perhaps they wont but then that's how it should be. IDK. I know a buddy that broke up 3 times for decent periods of time. They ended up getting together again and have been happily married for a couple of years now.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:50 am
@ossobuco,
Well said/written.

That skewed perspective is what happens in youth and sometimes us 'mature' ones.
0 Replies
 
valarmorgoulus
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:54 am
@ossobuco,
Perhaps you're right. The thing that gets me is that my gf and i had a thicket together. Things really were great. We wanted to be with each other so much. We shared jokes and great times together. We didn't have our first argument for a year and a half (i know what you're thinking, it was probably brewing deep down, but no it wasnt). our first argument was just a lil blip and we were over it. i had a thicket and i've watched it wither.
0 Replies
 
valarmorgoulus
 
  2  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:56 am
Thank you all for your advice. I really do appreciate it and it has helped me cope and come to realize some things. I have to go now unfortunately but I will check back in on this thread if you guys have any other advice to give. I wish you the best of luck in all of your relationships.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 11:59 am
@valarmorgoulus,
Quote:
and you're on the opinion that it wont get better..
I'm not that omniscient. I'm just recognizing that you are in the same place Many have been in at times and unable to accept even the thought that it might end and that usually insures that it does.

You've gotten several good tips here already. They're all versions of 'let it go and if it's really what you need, it'll come back.'
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 12:05 pm
@Leadfoot,
Quote:
'let it go and if it's really what you need, it'll come back.'

Actually, what we have all been saying is that should read, 'let it go and if it's really what you BOTH need, it'll come back.'
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 12:10 pm
@Ragman,
If it wasn't that way, then it wouldn't be what you need...
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 12:20 pm
@valarmorgoulus,
Yoga isn't a bad idea.

I use swimming as my calming, meditative exercise.

Some people canoe/paddle.

Have you tried any of the martial arts?

0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 12:34 pm
@Leadfoot,
Quote:
If it wasn't that way, then it wouldn't be what you need...

But on second thought, sometimes what we need is to bang our heads against the wall enough times till we finally get it.

Otherwise, we repeat the same error over again with some one new.
0 Replies
 
yuleisy15
 
  0  
Reply Fri 13 Nov, 2015 12:10 pm
@ehBeth,
your not wrong in what you did. I mean if you really love her .... then dint break up cuz thats going to hurt you really badly. I know that she feels something for you still because come on... you cant just throw away three years. So if you love your gf do the imposible to keep her
0 Replies
 
Real Music
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Nov, 2015 01:28 am
@valarmorgoulus,
I suspect that she getting angry at you for changing her tire against her wishes is not the underlined problem. You already stated that she was becoming more distant and things were getting worse and worse over the past couple of months. If I were you, I wouldn't dwell on the tire changing incident. There is clearly other issues going on. Maybe she needs time and space. Don't know. Give her some time and space for the moment. Remember, you also have needs. If receiving affection from her is something that is important to you, you might want to discuss that with her. If things don't get better and you are no longer getting affection from her, you may have to make a difficult decision. I as a man could not be happy in a relationship if my woman was no longer showing affection for me. Especially if this lack of affection seem to becoming more regular and more permanent. There would be no reason for me to continue being in that relationship.
0 Replies
 
 

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