Please may I have you kind advice?

At this point, I suggest you let it go. It sounds like the only benefit of telling him would be to prevent a future revelation by a coworker. The downsides are many, and would mostly impact your boyfriend who is the innocent in all of this. I don't see a reason to do that to him.

Thank you very much for your response. I appreciate it!

It's been 10 months or so. This no longer affects you and your BF, but maybe its fodder for the workplace.

Ignore the gossip and laugh if off as a drunken mistake that meant nothing - unless it does mean something and you are keeping this alive as the office gossip. Seems odd that it would come up after all this time.

Hey Hun, I may not say what you want to hear.

But you need to confess. Yes its been 10 months and he still does not know. (I found out over a year after my husbands affairs ended.) Truth has a way of coming out, and honesty does gain some respect back. I caught my husband, but i did not have a CLUE how far the affairs actually went. When he hit full remorse he told me the truth about his actions and backed it up with evidence. Gave me the contacts for his other women and begged me to give him another chance when i knew how to heal. His honesty gained him his second chance.... If he never confessed the full scope, i would have always know that he was caught...he never cared about my feelings. Only protecting his relationship...not me.

In not telling your significant other you are not protecting him. You are protecting you and your deceitful union. You sweet girl did not mean to change the state of your relationship but i can tell from your post that living with this IS now hurting you badly. Yes being honest will hurt him. possible end your relationship, but it won't be better to keep to quiet and have the truth come out later. May be WAY WAY WAY worse.

In any case you are 20, young and can learn from this. Find out exactly why you cheated. That is the only way to be sure you will prevent future cheating and one night stands.

Hugs.... I know this is NOT what you want to hear. But i felt it needed to be said. Your partner deserves to have all the information on your relationship so he knows how to proceed with you and your MUTUAL relationship. In a mutual relationship you don't hide facts from the other. Its not how partnership works. He is 30....His own days of finding a good worthy partner are ticking by. Be honest and endeavor to be worthy of him....Yes he might break it off with you, but you will have done the right thing.

Please think about letting him know, and be ready for him to ask you to leave your work and cut off ALL communication with the other man. If you want him to stay with you, you got a gauntlet of making up to him to do. Start with the truth.

Well, aren't you a ray of sunshine?? How long have you been with the morality police?

Welcome to A2K, I see its your first day.

Elizabeth, firstly he's 31, you were 19, one would imagine that he would totally understand an error of judgement at your age. Especially where alcohol is involved. It's also evident it was a once off.

As for the Colleague I truly hope you don't talk to him, not being rude, but seems he has an ego and blabbered somewhere.

Regarding my personal opinion. You don't know how long this relationship will go, you "may" get married one day or you may find say in 5 years time, you've changed "as we as women do", matured and have outgrown this man.

I see no reason therefore, for you to say anything, leave it in the past. If you were to marry you may choose to disclose it, but by then you would have had a lot more years together and frankly, you weren't really with him that long when this occurred. Love takes time to build.

I agree with both Glitterbag and Found Soul, and Engineer earlier. Me, my first thought was, hey, this is a boyfriend and she was nineteen, a time when a lot of people wisely sow a few oats, a learning time. I didn't see that they were betrothed, or made marriage vows. Not really his business unless they had said to each other that they both would never ever be with anyone else - and even then, all that can be rash if one is so young.

Thank you very much. Your answer is reassuring, I appreciate it.

Thank you for your honest advice!

Thank you, Blind Soul, your answer is reassuring. I very much appreciate your time!

Sorry, I truly don't mean to ... but you sincerely made my day, made me laugh. Blind Soul

If a bunch of people know you have to tell hubby. You tell him what happened, that it was a drunk mean nothing thing and that you have learned from it and such will not happen again. Given your age if your man has any sense at all he will tell you that he was young once and he understands. If he finds out from someone not you however your relationship will be under a lot of stress.

Older guys who marry much younger women need to make allowances. If they wont the relationship will not work. You might as well know the score now.

Rumors fly around especially when its juicy and a young woman is involved. You don't need to answer any questions, keep your mouth shut and bide your time. If the male involved started to blab, ignore it and ignore anyone who attempts to get you to provide details. It was meaningless, don't let it rule you.

Your private life is private. Jerks that have nothing going on in their lives are not entitled to any details because its none of their business. Don't buckle under to the curiosity of the office gossips.

Way to miss the point Glitter. Should she tell BF, why or why not?

No, she's 2o, everybody makes mistakes and she made one. I know you love to provide details of your "sexual acrobatics". but its not for everybody. Why do you think she needs to spill. On second thought, don't bother. I know why. You have provided more than enough detail about your adventures with swinger groups and the exploits in which you and your wife indulge. Since your fine with multiple **** buddies, where do you get the moral authority to run a guilt trip on a girl who was 19 (underage for drinking) and tell her she needs to confess to her older boyfriend about a office indiscretion that occurred when she had far too much to drink. They are not married, like you are and she needs a break.

Already said.
1) too much a chance he will find out from others, which would be a huge problem

2) unless he is stupid he will forgive her if she tells.


Rarely do I advise talking about this sort of thing, but being 20 with a guy over 30 is a free pass to admit this. Or should be, If it is not then it is time to get a new guy.

She's not married. She's only been with him a short while.

Why should she have to spill.

OK, maybe I am whack. 2 years to me is a long time in the love game.

Not really. But, you and I both know and remember, boyfriends? girlfriends? 2 years, 4 years, split and then a different person and marriage.

I personally think the only time to spill is to your future husband/wife of something you have done.

I do agree honesty is important but I ponder over relationships that don't end up standing the time due to other reasons. She hasn't done this since and she was 19.

It wasn't 2 years ago , rather early into the relationship at 19..