Please may I have you kind advice?

@FOUND SOUL,

Quote:

I personally think the only time to spill is to your future husband/wife of something you have done.

Generally I agree.

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@glitterbag,

Thank you for your response, like most others it has been reassuring! Also, I'm from the UK so the legal drinking age is 18.

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@glitterbag,

Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but part of growing up is owning them. ESPECIALLY when the mistake is known by many.

I actually have a similar story to OP only i was 17 and in high school dating my would be future cheating husband and i fooled around with a friend. I owned my behavior, I never had sex, but it got close and would have been had we not been interrupted. My husband and i were not exclusive at the time (We did not have that talk), only been dating a month maybe...but still. I confessed. It worked out fine in the end, Why? Because people DO make mistakes. Is how you handle the mistakes in the aftermath that define who you are as a person. Are you innately deceitful? And dishonest? If the answer is no, and that is not the person you want to be then to remain true to yourself you should confess.

Glitterbag, I get the feeling from you that you hate social norms and rebel...maybe naturally deceitful. But you are entitled to your opinion.... I personally would never feel safe with you as a partner, but to each their own. Good day.

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@ElizabethNobody,

I remember watching/listening to Dr. Ruth Westheimer. She is a well known sex therapist - known for her straight forward talk on sex. She often would get similar questions and her answer was always -- don't tell. It was a mistake and not one you are going to make again. It is water under the bridge and what good would come out of telling him?

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@Youthinkimdumb,

This is a bit different - you say your husband had affairs - with an s which we take as many - you caught him which implies he was still having affairs.

This woman made one mistake (granted a biggie) but has no desire to ever make that mistake again.

Boyfriend and girlfriend thing is quite different than a marriage as well.

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@Youthinkimdumb,

Youthinkimdumb wrote:

Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but part of growing up is owning them. ESPECIALLY when the mistake is known by many.

I actually have a similar story to OP only i was 17 and in high school dating my would be future cheating husband and i fooled around with a friend. I owned my behavior, I never had sex, but it got close and would have been had we not been interrupted. My husband and i were not exclusive at the time (We did not have that talk), only been dating a month maybe...but still. I confessed. It worked out fine in the end, Why? Because people DO make mistakes. Is how you handle the mistakes in the aftermath that define who you are as a person. Are you innately deceitful? And dishonest? If the answer is no, and that is not the person you want to be then to remain true to yourself you should confess.

Glitterbag, I get the feeling from you that you hate social norms and rebel...maybe naturally deceitful. But you are entitled to your opinion.... I personally would never feel safe with you as a partner, but to each their own. Good day.

What makes you think that there is anything interesting enough about you that would be attractive to anybody, let alone me. Youthinkimdumb, I get the feeling that you are profoundly stupid and haunt threads like this in order to share your dimness with others.

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@glitterbag,

Quote:

Youthinkimdumb, I get the feeling that you are profoundly stupid and haunt threads like this in order to share your dimness with others.

A person with 4 posts total on A2K is not by any stretch of the imagination "haunting threads".

Seriously, you need a better game if you want to stop looking like a fool around here glitter. Blatant bullshit no longer works.

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@hawkeye10,

Are you trying to say you DON'T recognize this poster? Poor you.

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@glitterbag,

Not that it matters but i have only been here what.... Three days? I have been on other forums in other places for relationship information with how people have dealt with infidelity. I turned from those places on account of them being moderated heavily and don't let you express your true opinions. I have my opinions. You have yours. Yours strike me as selfish, and self fulfilling in nature, Deceitful, and full of BAD emotional advice. Advice that won't help the OP grow and be a happier person in a REAL relationship built on honesty. You advise for her to remain dishonest, and a bad partner.... how would that help her? Being an ostrich, burying her head in the sand..... Has that tactic really worked for you in life? Probably not.... But like i said shitterbag, you are entitled to your opinion.

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@Youthinkimdumb,

When it comes right down to it, I really couldn't care less what you think. If it makes you feel better about yourself, knock yourself out.

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@Youthinkimdumb,

Normally I would agree with you on cheated - but this is a different situation ... a young woman, dating (not married - not fully committed) - hooks up for lack of a better term. Would she normally - doesn't sound like it - sounds like she drank too much - not a good choice, but we have all made mistakes and let it get the better of her.

She was young and did something that many young people do - she learned from it.

When you start getting in a committed relationship even getting married do you discuss every previous sexual encounter you had with your future spouse - no. You might in general discuss for STD reasons and moral reasons - but you don't name names and give details. So why would you discuss that you had a drunken one night stand once?

I think I would go by the advice of a sex therapist with years of experience. Do a quick search and read about her - she is a hoot.

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@Linkat,

You talking about Ester Perel? I am very familiar with her works, books and video's. Yes she is a hoot, or the old Sex therapist who used to do a talk show on late night telly? Mostly i am advising OP to talk about it mostly because it is eating away at her. She has her own personal morality that bleeds through her post. I feel...from her tone that she does not want to be dishonest. So my advice is for her mental health and well being. We can have our own moral code, but that works for us, hers i feel tells her her actions are wrong. How can she be happy if she feels her actions are wrong? Simple answer do what she feels is right.

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@Youthinkimdumb,

The old one on a talk show - she is still kicking believe it or not.

Her name is Dr. Ruth Westheimer.

I agree if it is eating away at her she should, but otherwise it might just cause alot of grief and pain to someone she cares deeply about.

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@Linkat,

Thats exactly what i mean. But also because people know about the physical relationship and that is eating away at her making her fear her secret coming out. There is no peace of mind in the relationship, and that can be equally dooming to the relationship that the OP wants. I have watched a bit of DR. Westheimer. She is a top notch Sex therapist with surprisingly real knowledge on how the body and the mind work with the act of sex for a grandma that looks like she could bake me a batch of cookies with the same hand that is holding a pink dildo. LMAO, but i also like to delve into Relationship therapy because Sex is only a part of the picture in my personal infidelity struggles in my marriage with my husband. And Esther Perel is very smart on why people have affairs and why people cheat. There are sometimes personality issues, External forces like alcohol that are at play, any number of reasons and explanations about why an affair or ONS happened. I actually find the whole subject morbidly fascinating now since i discovered about my husbands affairs. I have an analytical mind so i think that has been my way of deflection of my pain....I binge on reading about affairs and cheating instead.

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Please may I have you kind advice?

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