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My wife has started dating while the divorce is pending. How can I make her stop?

 
 
Reply Tue 27 Oct, 2015 09:40 pm
My wife and I have been separated for 2 months now. We don't have any children. I bought a new place for myself while she's staying at our house. We both own the house. Anyways, that's not the issue. She's solely paying the house bills since she's the one who's currently living there. The issue is why has she started dating right now. We're not divorced yet. When we were together I paid $4000 for her breast augmentation. As a return favor, she should listen to me and stop dating that guy while the divorce is still pending. She needs to show some respect. How can I convince her to stop?
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Type: Question • Score: 17 • Views: 2,842 • Replies: 30

 
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Tue 27 Oct, 2015 09:58 pm
@MatthewO,
Sorry for your troubles but you can't stop her.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Tue 27 Oct, 2015 10:12 pm
@MatthewO,
MatthewO wrote:
The issue is why has she started dating right now.


She is moving on with her life.

You need to do the same.

Talk to a lawyer and move the divorce forward.
0 Replies
 
krisatdabeach
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Oct, 2015 11:19 pm
@MatthewO,
Well I guess it's clear as to who wanted the divorce! Look dude divorce sucks specially if your the one being left, but to expect her to show you some respect as you put it is absurd, immature an just down right ridiculous. You didn't make her sign a contract should you guys split up, am I right? The most you can hope for is that you guys remain friends at best. Asking her to not see other people because it upsets you.... well buy a big pillow and a lot of tissue cause you may have a lot of sad and lonely nights ahead of you!
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 12:21 am
@MatthewO,
Please don't use money and the work respect in one sentence.

I assume you gave her the breast augmentation to her as a gift, for her, something she felt she needed and you were able to pay for it. One would hope that is why. Remember, what you do for people is a gift, nothing back in return.

If she has chosen at all, to "use" you to get those and is dating, 8 weeks after, perhaps she never respected you to start with and for that, be happy that she's soon not going to be in your life and you never had children.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 06:11 am
@MatthewO,
So nice to know that her love life is the subject of a commercial transaction with you.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 06:57 am
@MatthewO,
Let's look at this from the bright side. She can't stop you from dating someone else.

Your marriage is over, the sooner you accept this the better. All that is left to do is divide the money. Get yourself a good lawyer for this and focus on moving on from your feelings about her or the marriage.

Divorce is hell, but you need to move on. Get on with your own life, it isn't her business any more. What she does with her life shouldn't concern you... there isn't anything you can do about it any more.

Lot's of us have gone through this. This is a time to work on your own new life without her. Spend time developing friendships (having a group of buddies is important any many newly divorced guys realize they haven't been spending enough time with friends). Work on getting your single life together.

Believe me. After a year or so, you might just wonder why you didn't get divorced sooner. If you start on your own now (i.e. letting her do her own thing) then you will be through this that much sooner.

0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 08:55 am
@MatthewO,
Sounds like she is doing the natural thing and moving on from a failed marriage and looking for someone new. You might think she is moving forward too quickly, but it really is not any of your business.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 01:07 pm
You couldn't control her before, what makes you think you can control her now. Get over it and moooooooove on
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 01:28 pm
@MatthewO,
You have a pending divorce so why would you care --- unless you think there was a chance for you two to get back together -- other than that trying to stop her just sounds petty.

Its not like you are going to get any use of the $4k breast augmentation if you force her not to date. Maybe in the settlement you can get some other household item worth $4k.
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 02:07 pm
@Linkat,
Quote:
Its not like you are going to get any use of the $4k breast augmentation if you force her not to date.


Isn't marital property (i.e. things you got while you were married) generally split 50/50?
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 06:50 pm
@maxdancona,
After all: when you've seen one, you've seen them both.
roger
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 06:51 pm
@bobsal u1553115,
When you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 08:52 pm
@roger,
Groannnnnnnn............but that was pretty good, kudos.
0 Replies
 
FBM
 
  3  
Reply Wed 28 Oct, 2015 09:47 pm
Yeah, I guess I just don't get the OP. When my divorce was in process, I was hoping she'd find someone else and leave me the hell alone. It would've been a relief.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Oct, 2015 07:17 am
@FBM,
This probably has to do with whether you are the divorcer or the divorcee. If your partner is the one who wants the divorce... I would imagine that seeing them with another person could be painful.

That doesn't change the fact that he needs to accept it and move on with his own life.
FBM
 
  3  
Reply Thu 29 Oct, 2015 07:23 am
@maxdancona,
True that. My divorce was my call. Never been in the other position, except with a girlfriend breakup or two. Even then, once the breakup was written on the wall, I found it a lot easier to let go than to cling. Clinging complicates and hurts one's self at least as much as it hurts someone else. I give all that drama a pass and just move along. Can't force someone to have feelings for you that they don't (want to) have, and there's no profit in trying, in my experience.
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Thu 29 Oct, 2015 07:52 am
@FBM,
I agree with you completely about what a person in this situation should do. I am just pointing out that sometimes there are strong emotions that make "letting go" a difficult and painful process. Of course, it still needs to be done... but let's acknowledge that humans have emotions.
FBM
 
  3  
Reply Thu 29 Oct, 2015 08:02 am
@maxdancona,
Yup. Whether I understand or share them or not, I have to acknowledge that humans have emotions. People puzzle me. Not saying that I don't have emotions, mind you, but mine don't often seem to overlap with others'.
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Thu 29 Oct, 2015 08:03 am
@FBM,
What do you mean by that FBM??? How could you say such a thing? [Max sobs uncontrollably]

 

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