11
   

annoyed in texas...

 
 
glitterbag
 
  5  
Reply Sat 24 Oct, 2015 07:33 pm
@nicole88,
You are doing the right thing. If other family members ask why he moved, resist saying anything other than he needs more privacy or something neutral. Please remember that you are under no obligation to answer questions other people might ask. This a family matter and you need to safeguard your marriage and your children. Getting the cousin out of the house is the goal. I'm truly sorry you have to deal with this creepy situation, but during your life you will encounter other people who will try to take advantage of you, it gets easier and easier to say 'no', just make sure you stay in practice. Good luck.

ok, one other thing, please tell your mother and ask her to keep it under her hat. She just needs to know who is trustworthy and who is not.
0 Replies
 
nicole88
 
  4  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 09:46 am
@hawkeye10,
I'm not denying anything but why do I feel like your blaming me for something that is happening to me i didn't ask for this and right now i feel like i am allowed to feel the way that I feel which is unprotected, disrespected, and harrassed. in no way am i saying I should get a free pass on anything because this shouldn't even be a situation.

Why should i have a fault in any of this I gave him no reason to cause such advances. What man invades a womans personnel space and then thinks its ok to continue to do so and then what man would thereafter blame her for it????
glitterbag
 
  7  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 10:26 am
@nicole88,
Please ignore Hawkeye, he considers himself a relationship expert but he seems to hold a low opinion of women.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 12:15 pm
@nicole88,
nicole88 wrote:

I'm not denying anything but why do I feel like your blaming me for something that is happening to me i didn't ask for this and right now i feel like i am allowed to feel the way that I feel which is unprotected, disrespected, and harrassed. in no way am i saying I should get a free pass on anything because this shouldn't even be a situation.

Why should i have a fault in any of this I gave him no reason to cause such advances. What man invades a womans personnel space and then thinks its ok to continue to do so and then what man would thereafter blame her for it????


You invite trespass when you dont set up boundaries, when you dont stand up for your self. The fact that your marriage is such that your husband would do what he did to you (invite someone to live in your house without talking to you about it first) and the fact that you were reluctant to confront the guy who was " overly fresh " as they used to say and the fact that you were so clueless on what to do about it that you were here asking a bunch of strangers what to do about the problem all indicate that you are not in the habit of setting good boundaries. This is your fault that you dont. You are not responsible for what this guy did, you are responsible for what you do, and you made mistakes. If you continue to make this mistake of not setting boundaries you will in life continue to have problems with people trespassing upon you. This is what not wanting to deal with ****, with avoiding conflict at all costs, costs you. It is up to you, but in my opinion you lose to right to whine about being a victim when you encourage becoming a victim by not setting boundaries.

And GLitterbag knows that I am right, she is pissed at me about something else. She servers you poorly by trash talking me in this thread. As does everyone who supports her by up voting her posts or by down voting mine SHe likes to think of herself as all good and moral but in reality she tends to be a narcissistic bitch.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 02:03 pm
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
Going against personal values or rights in order to please others.
Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.
Taking as much as you can for the sake of taking.
Letting others define you.
Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.
Feeling bad or guilty when you say no.
Not speaking up when you are treated poorly.
Falling apart so someone can take care of you.
Falling "in love" with someone you barely know or who reaches out to you.
Accepting advances, touching and sex that you don't want.
Touching a person without asking.

http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/personalboundaries.html

Sounds familiar doesn't it?
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 04:16 pm
@nicole88,
You're new here. I'll let you in on a secret: Hawk's a perv. Ask him what he said about his children being molested by a neighbor.
hawkeye10
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 04:23 pm
@bobsal u1553115,
Hawkeye has given the best advise in this thread. That is all that should matter. The fact that you and others have driven the a2K culture war into the thread of a newbie young lady who came here looking for help proves actually what a sick **** you are.

Now shut up.
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 04:34 pm
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
Now shut up.


Someone needs his napsie.

As for referring to yourself in the third person?










hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 04:36 pm
@hawkeye10,
BTW: If I was not clear, I am telling you that I am a better person than you are. I am better than Glitter too. That you two are so desperate to get me out of here that you came into this thread to **** with me when I was doing good work is really ******* sad. You both owe Nichole an apology.

AND MAKE IT GOOD.
bobsal u1553115
 
  2  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 04:40 pm
@hawkeye10,
Yeah, just as I figured, the Hawkeye Show.

Get back on topic, twit.

To Nicole - you have my abject apologies: I am so very sorry Hawkeye is a total degenerate who sexualizes every post written by a female on this site. Its not my fault, but I do apologize for his digital molestation of women posting here for the first time. Please forgive me for Hawk's perverted ways.

Hawk: How's that?
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  5  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 05:56 pm
@nicole88,
Nicole, never forget that this ill-bred man is at your house as a guest, not as co-husband. It's outrageous that he would behave so badly when you and your husband have offered him a place to stay. Don't think for one minute that it's normal for a man to invade your personal space. Most men don't behave like rutting animals entitled to mate with every female they encounter, he is insulting both you and your husband.

roger
 
  4  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 06:15 pm
@glitterbag,
I somehow got the feeling he is such a total Narcissist that he is incapable of believing his attentions are not wanted. It actually worries me how he is going to react if and when someone finally brings him back to reality.
glitterbag
 
  4  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 06:25 pm
@roger,
Roger, somehow I feel this is him trying to test his cousin's tolerance. Kind of a sick one-ups-manship. This is really asking for it, he also sounds like a dope. Chances are he will act offended and angry and blame nicole. These situations are a nightmare, hopefully nicole will hold her head high because this is not her fault.
vikorr
 
  4  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 08:36 pm
@glitterbag,
Quote:
These situations are a nightmare, hopefully nicole will hold her head high because this is not her fault.
Yep, situations like this are a nightmare.

Discussion of fault is why there is an ongoing battle in this thread.

The cousin is entirely responsible for his behaviour, which is boorish and unacceptable. He needs to be turfed out.

Hawkeye's gist is accurate - our OP has contributed to the situation by not standing up for herself / setting boundaries. Had she done so, this likely wouldn't be an issue for her to post (hard to tell, but properly standing up for yourself usually sorts these issues out). None of this means she is to blame (she is not - he is responsible for his actions), but that her lack of action has contributed to the end result. You'll find that on any psychology site dealing with such issues (and Hawkeye posted one such)- and really, to attack Hawkeye for saying something that is quite accurate, is petty.


glitterbag
 
  3  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 09:27 pm
@vikorr,
She already knows she should have spoken up sooner, and she spoke up for herself when speaking to hawkeye probably because she didn't like his tone. Hawk remarks rubbed her the wrong way (IMO) and she pushed back. He doubled down when she pushed back. I'm sure hawk thought his remarks were helpful, but it struck me as piling on. All I said is he doesn't hold women in high regard, because I don't think he does. For you to take the time to defend his aggressive approach tells me something about you.
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2015 10:41 pm
@glitterbag,
Piling on? I see a fantasy scenario. I'd advise Hawk's brother to keep an eye on him.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2015 07:49 pm
@bobsal u1553115,
Yuck, I wish you hadn't suggested that, now my stomach is churning.
0 Replies
 
nicole88
 
  3  
Reply Tue 27 Oct, 2015 08:20 pm
@hawkeye10,
I thank you very much for your advice and everyone else on this thread who has offered advice at this moment for me as I try to grow and learn from my mistakes and through this situation in particular..

ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Tue 27 Oct, 2015 08:25 pm
@nicole88,
I hope things are better for you this week.
nicole88
 
  3  
Reply Tue 27 Oct, 2015 08:29 pm
@ehBeth,
I hop so too...
0 Replies
 
 

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