annoyed in texas...

@nicole88,

Can you stay at your mother's the night he goes to the party? If he gets a few drinks in him he could be aggressive if he back to your home. He's way out of line already, please don't worry about hurting his feelings, because he apparently doesn't care about yours. It's also a terrible example of inappropriate behavior in front of your children, you don't want the kids thinking it's alright to behave like he does.

Start speaking up, the more you do it the easier it gets. Frankly, it sounds very unsavory and I don't think you are safe alone with this guy.

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@Linkat,

I like the nuclear option in this situation. No reason to be polite.

Also tell your husband what he said about him being ok with sharing. I suppose that is possible that he is ok with it , but that wouldn't be the first idea on my list of what is going on, more like the last. Cousin seems to be a snake, and I'd be trusting your husband unless I learned differently from your husband.

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@ehBeth,

Your key suggestion seems a good idea, ehBeth.
Does this toad have a violent background?

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@ossobuco,

Sorry all, I hadn't read all the posts before I responded and missed military background and all that. Will go back and read more.

Ok, I read up. Do you have other family around? I'd be going to visit for a stayaway. You could use a friend or family, which I presume you don't want to do.

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@nicole88,

nicole88 wrote:

I'm a married housewife and my husbands cousin recently moved in his cousin is extremely touchy feely always trying to hug or touch me in some way and when i have brought the issue up to my husband he said he would have a conversation with him but now he just does it when my husband isn't home and it makes me feel very uncomfortable because he does it infront of my children and around my mother what do i do?

It sounds like a difficult situation. I'd get some sort of a recording device with you, and make sure you get some sound- and/or videobytes of his behavior around you. It will not only help explain things to your husband, but God help, if this escalates in an unforeseen and unwanted manner (and the way you describe this cousin, it sounds like you at least seem to think that could be a possible scenario), it might even be of use in that case.

The lock on the door idea also sounds like a good idea, both for protection and to get a message across.

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@najmelliw,

I lock my door all the time and my husband thinks i'm shutting my self away or i'm upset with him it's just an odd situation for me because i thought once my husband had a conversation with his cousin the odd behavior would stop but somehow now it seems more intent like he knows it bothers me but he just doesn't or wont stop.

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@nicole88,

Can you have a friend or relative stay with you while your husband is out of town? You mentioned your mother earlier, have you tried talking to her? She might have a good idea how to handle this situation.

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@glitterbag,

She visits from time to time when she has time off of work and i also dont want to worry her

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You only think your husband is the one who should sort it out, because you don't want to do it yourself...whether you're afraid of conflict, or some other reason, waiting for your husband to act is an excuse. You can sort it out.

Learn how to stand up for yourself. Stop hoping, and start doing (standing up for yourself). Your first few attempts may (or may not) suck, but as you keep trying, you will get better and better with doing so.

Practice (even 'live' practice) is how everyone learns, even when we don't think we can.

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@vikorr,

I am afraid to say something to him... I avoid confrontation at all costs it just scares me if i do say something and the behavior worsens..

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@nicole88,

Your mother is also a woman, I would want to help my daughter or sister. I'm sure she would want to help. She may have already picked up on his unwelcome attention.

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@nicole88,

This cousin is not going to get better. He'll get worse. You can't avoid this crisis by not taking action. What's worse, there are children as well. If things escalate, they are going to be seeing or hearing things they really shouldn't.

Get evidence. Talk to your husband again. Perhaps you might want to take a self defense lessons, not just as a way to defend against unwanted attention, but also as a means to get some self confidence for these type of social confrontation.

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@glitterbag,

She did mention that his behavior was off putting but she hasn't brought it up since. I know she wouldn't hesitate to intervene but i think maybe the best way to put an end to this is for me to suck up enough courage and tell him myself.

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@nicole88,

At the risk of sounding crude, this jerk cousin has brass balls. The other posters are right, he won't get better, his behaviour is a form of bullying and if you don't put him in his place he will assume his attention is welcome. As twisted as that sounds, that's how guys like him think. Obviously not all men, not decent men but this cousin is not a decent man. It also sounds like a sick competition he has going with your husband. I do understand why your husband doesn't want to believe the worst, but you are the victim of unwanted touching and remarks. I'll bet you're not the only woman he makes uncomfortable and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be around him after he has been drinking.

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@glitterbag,

Yes this like bullying. He sees you as weak and an easy target. It is likely he will continue because of the fact you are not standing up for yourself. Makes it seem all the worse as he was military...a position that requires one to protect those weaker those not in a position to protect themself.

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@nicole88,

Is it possible he will become physically dangerous when and if he realizes you're not kidding about not wanting the suggestive attention? I'm thinking either he or you and the kids need to get out of that house.

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What is this guy doing in your house if he refuses to behave? Your house, your rules, right?

Quote:

I just dont want to be the cause of a rift between my husband and his cousin and wouldn't want him to resent me if they had a falling out. I have told my husband and he kind of seemed just annoyed and told me to talk to him but i feel like he should have the conversation with him because he is the one that allowed him to move in.

Oh, so the real problem is that you and hubby are not a team. You might want to fix your marriage, this guy is a symptom not the main problem.

Avoid confrontation at all cost you say........"doormat" is what they call that.

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@hawkeye10,

I don't feel as though i am a doormat, for me its a difficult situation I have been put in and i have my children here with me and i didn't know how to react but as i have been receiving responses from people i now realize that i should have said something from the beginning and my husband has agreed to ask his cousin to leave we speak very openly with one another but i just didn't want to force him to make his cousin leave in the beginning because he is his family...

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@nicole88,

Good decision. Now, make sure you and husband follow through on it without delay.

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@nicole88,

Ok Fine though this sounds like revisionist history. I guess you are going to deny now that hubby invited a guy into your house without getting your approval, since you two work together so swell and all. And you have given yourself a pass for not opening your dang mouth about a problem, which you said happened because you avoid conflict at all costs, which you now say was because you are such a giving person.

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