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Thu 22 Oct, 2015 03:36 am
Hi All,
Me and my bf both work in the same organisation as Engineer. We belong to different states of India .we are in relationship since two yrs. His parents have welcomed me but my parents are against this only because he's not from my place, they only care about their own happiness never considering mine and their reputation as they have upheld it .
I have always being a gud daughter even today I need ask their permission for every thing. My parents have never given me freedom to choose wat I want.
I told my parents 7months ago about my bf. This was the most difficult period in my life, having to open up about a male and break that barrier with them. They were in COMPLETE shock, they cried, they downgraded me, they were VERY racist. All to just turn me off this man and make me 'forget' about him. They downgraded his culture and the people, absolutely everything which was quite sickening and actually made me lose respect for my own parents.
7months later and I'm still sitting here being downgraded for even loving a man from different state, simply because they will NEVER accept him. They refused to meet him too and asked me to quit the job. I told them that i'll forget him only because i din want anything affect my carrier. I couldn't handle the verbal abuse . My parents think we aren't together anymore, yet are still very suspicious. MOST IMPORTANT THING is I hv a twin sister shes in love wid a guy of the same caste and my parents have agreed to gt them married and they blame me for loving a guy of different caste different state ..They can c me depressed but still they are now forcing me to marry a guy fo their choice .. do u think my parents are doing right thing?? ?? Dey can see one happy and the other daughter sad. Even my sister is against this she says that my love is nt true I was playing around I love my parents, and I appreciate all they have done for me and I want to repay them with my life. But why must they be so cruel. All I am doing is loving a man who is paying me with his life and likewise am I. He is no murderer, no drug dealer, no user. So what difference does it make. It is a harsh world we live in.Am I in the wrong for loving a man and lying to my parents and possibly leaving them in the end for my future husband? Is it wrong to love a man of different state? They do not care for my happiness. They have even threatened to kill me and end their life if I marry him.
I cannot express how difficult this is for me and am really depressed , I cannot let him go and we truly love each other. Please I need advice on hw to proceed
@priyap,
Your parents threatened to kill you and then they want to kill themselves?
Your partner sounds pretty reasonable, and his parents welcoming you, so I would always choose those who would not want to kill me.
@priyap,
You and this guy are over 18 with presumably stable, well-paying jobs.
What's stopping you two from getting married today, and moving into your own place?
@jespah,
Job is the only thing stopping us because we are not sure if things vl b back to normal after we step out. .if we can continue working in current company. We had plans of moving out after a year as both of us have one year bond in current company and after the bond we thot of switching but my parents are forcing me to get married to another person.we don want nything to impact our carrier
@priyap,
Then you don't love each other.
Seriously, people who love each other and are as externally threatened as you claim to be will care a lot more about being together than about their careers.
@jespah,
Its India, jespah, people do die over stuff like this.
She's crossing family, caste and state - three really important things in Indian culture.
My heart goes out to her and knowing the possible awful outcomes from any advice she takes .... it really gives me pause.
@bobsal u1553115,
I know, but since the sister's choice was outside of caste and was accepted, that makes me wonder.
I don't mean to be harsh, but these people need to act or they are going to get steamrollered.
@jespah,
Sometimes it seems like India is one big steamroller. If I were in her shoes I think I would act but I don't how I'd do it: caste, job contract, family, a nation with about 200+ official languages - its a tough one.
@priyap,
Would your boyfriend's family take you in and help you?
Is there any opportunity to leave India entirely?
@priyap,
priyap wrote: I love my parents, and I appreciate all they have done for me and I want to repay them with my life.
They have even threatened to kill me and end their life if I marry him.
Is your job more important than your life and happiness?
I would suggest finding a way to leave your parents - to apply to move to another country.
It may be the only way for you to be safe and happy.
@priyap,
priyap wrote:my parents are forcing me to get married to another person
delay this as much as you can while you work on completing the bond time with your current employer
see if you can be transferred to another state to work, if you cannot get to another country
@ehBeth,
Doh! Great question! You always do ask the right question!
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