I don't want him to leave

@exhausted ,

I can certainly see how daily visits would be a major intrusion. You would pretty much have to plan your schedule around his, which would be odd since you've separated.

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@roger,

I rarely disagree with ehBeth on this stuff, but in this situation I'm not agreeing, at all.

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@exhausted ,

So how do you plan to have him see his child every day?

It is not that an unusual request.

The alternative could be for him to assume custody and you to see the baby every other weekend.

Do you think that is reasonable?

I do not think it is reasonable for you to suggest every other weekend as an acceptable schedule for a parent to see their infant child - under any circumstance.

Think it through.

Anything that you suggest for him - would it be acceptable to you to be given that same arrangement?

You are the child's mother. He is the child's father. He has equal rights and responsibilities.

If he proves to be an irresponsible parent, I'd see that you have a case. Otherwise, no.

You've made some choices. Now it is your responsibility to make it work for the baby.

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@exhausted ,

Why can't the father take the baby to the baby sitter and pick her up at the end of the day? why can't he feed and bathe the child and then bring her home to you for bedtime?

That mean less work for you, and would give him time with his child.

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@CalamityJane,

listen to CJane

CalamityJane wrote:

The problem started already when you got pregnant 2 months into the relationship. He probably felt pressured to continue and now he realizes that it isn't a good idea to continue. Your baby won't grow up without a father as long as he's part of her life and let's hope he'll be, but as for your relationship, it's pretty much toast and the sooner you accept this the better for all.

Don't punish him with not being able to see his child, that's never a good idea and the only one suffering will be your child. So don't even think about this method to get back at him. Be mature and do the right thing!

Counseling most definitely would help you overcome your resentment.

1 Reply

@exhausted ,

exhausted wrote:

How am I going to have a relationship with my ex here everyday?

given the schedule you describe, why and how would you be considering starting another relationship

you appear to barely have time for your children

there's no time for a new partner in your schedule

1 Reply

@exhausted ,

Then stay and do something with your four year-old while your new ex-partner spends time with his child.

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I just told him I want him out of my house tomorrow. I give up.

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@ehBeth,

I'm not looking to start a new relationship anytime soon. When I do then he will have to accept my children also. If I find someone worth my time in the future then we can do things with my children.

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

The alternative could be for him to assume custody and you to see the baby every other weekend.

Do you think that is reasonable?

That doesn't exactly turn the situation around, as you seem to think it does. How about he assumes custody, and she gets to see the baby every day.

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@exhausted ,

Normal can also be each parent having their child on alternating weeks. When both parents want desperately to be a part of their child's life 'every other weekend' may not suffice (in their view). Other arrangements (to every other weekend) are possible. But that can only be worked out through both parents talking about it. It's just a thought.

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@exhausted ,

I believe you are correct to have issues of your ex coming to your house everyday to see his child. You may be trying to have other relationships with someone else. That is not a good thing to have your ex hanging around your house everyday. He has his life and you have yours. You are not a couple. Your ex can still be in your child's life. That is a beautiful thing that he wants to be in the child's life. Make sure your child gets love, time and attention from both parents. I suggest arranging times for him to pick up your child every other week, every other weekend, or whatever arrangements the two of work out.

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@ehBeth,

It was 3 months into it and we had just started having sex and the condom busted. The same thing could have happened to any of you.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

He can't take her to the baby sitter because we both work early morning shifts and he will not get up any earlier than he has to. He has not once taken her to the sitter. He can't pick her up because our sitter has had a dad pick up a child and run with it before and she says she is not going to have that happen again. He refuses to give her a bath because he's scared to and he hasn't even tried once to do it yet. His spending time with her is holding her while I cook or clean or take care of her sister.

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I've told him for the past week I want him out of my house. He's still here because he has nowhere to go.

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@ehBeth,

Not that unusual request? Do you know any parents that are not together that both see their child everyday? Would you have thought it to be reasonable for us to put a uterus into him and implant our baby into it and have him push her out after he carried her for 9 months? He holds her when I'm busy. He will change diapers and he will hold a bottle after I heat it up for him. He will not heat up the bottle himself.

1 Reply

@exhausted ,

Have you heard of birth control pills? Many women take them. See your doctor or planned parenthood about alternatives to just using condoms.

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@exhausted ,

exhausted wrote:

Do you know any parents that are not together that both see their child everyday?

yes

I know several couples that have that arrangement.

I have known other couples who did that in the past.

It is not that unusual an arrangement for adults to have when both parents want to be with their children as they grow.

I don't want him to leave

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