in a crisis, life has become shambles

You won't leave yourself, for your own good, but will leave if someone new shows up to push you?

Not leaving because of time already spent just makes the pool of despond worse.

easier said than done. especially when you've been with this person for so long

The idea with relationships is that we learn from them, good and bad.

Time for you to take an individual step or two.

Don't see your girlfriend tonight. Go for a coffee, read a newspaper/magazine/book, greet other people at the place you're having coffee. Go home.

Go to a gym. Work out for an hour. Play a sport. Something. Go home.

Your girlfriend may blow up just from that. Deal with it. Be cool/calm. Let her know you needed an hour or two to yourself after work. Ask her if she'd like to join you for a coffee out tomorrow or Friday.

Take control of the situation.

Maybe you'll break up. Maybe she'll smarten up and stop being so possessive and paranoid. Maybe you'll make new friends.

In the situation you described so far almost any change would be a good thing.

That's why you have to make a plan for yourself instead of drifting along.

Many adults have some wishes they had not spent so long with a pretty disturbed and disturbing person, though they did learn from that time spent. Eight years? Don't make it 16 or 24 or more years because you already spent sooooo much time, time you could have been finding out about relationships in general and who you are in particular.

At least consider unschakling yourself now, and unschakle her too, so she can get some therapy herself and thereby find out how to improve her life too.

I go to the gym every day, just to get away. I've told her I don't feel like hanging out to her in the past and she gets ridiculous. she says "you don't want to hangout with me? fine. enjoy being alone. bye"

her "bye" is pretty much a threat in code that she'll leave me alone for good / break up with me.

Go for it!

At the least, become your own person. She is hog tying you with her will, consistently, and you roll over.

Then I'm throwing down the abuse card right now.

30 Signs of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

#2, #5, #6, #7, #9, #21, and #30.

Please read them all but definitely the seven I've highlighted above.

And seriously consider counseling.

You invested years, yes. Don't waste any more of them.

A year from now, you'll wish you started today.

like I've said before. its easier said than done. leaving a person you've done pretty much everything with and spent all your time with for so long isn't easy to do. no matter how bad the relationship is going

You don't need to be with someone who behaves like that. She's not a 10 year-old and neither are you.

That is abusive behaviour when it comes from an adult.

Accept the good-bye.

Move on.

I prefer not to go to counseling.
i'm not an abnormal or awkward person. I can get along with anyone even if they do not have a single thing in common with me.

things were fine until this other girl stepped into the picture. but then again, before she stepped into the picture I didn't really communicate with another female besides my current girlfriend.

I feel like I can go out and pick up women without a problem, even though I have no game. I don't consider myself unattractive. I go to the gym every day so I have a good physique. I make 65k a year. I ride motorcycles. pretty much what any girl looks for when it comes to just one or two time flings. but im not that kinda guy. I like to stay in committed relationships.

im more afraid that I wont find anyone else. and yes there are plenty of fish out there, but its at a point in my life where I want to start life. buy a home, start a family. I don't want to waste my time searching and never finding and then eventually settling for someone. when the current girl I have now is all I ever wanted if only she could change certain things. but that seems like it'll never happen.

Don't expect the current woman to change (she is a woman not a girl).

You've been in one relationship since you were a teen. Sounds like the woman is still behaving like the child/teen she was at the beginning.

Time to consider time on your own and then getting to know some grown-up women.

You're young enough that there is no rush - other than to not be in a relationship with an abuser.

Why do you keep telling us it is hard to leave? You poor little thing! Get a grip and get out of her grip.

Sheesh. Do you talk to real-life acquaintances/friends/family like this?

I keep saying that because it is. ive done everything with her.

I can look at a certain object and it'll remind me of her or something we did. she's just every where around me, and its hard to just let that go when that is all I've known

my family thinks we are a happy couple, bound to, and soon to get married.
friends...well what friends? I don't really have any.
I don't bother bringing this up to people I've just met. I don't want to scare them away with this pathetic depressing scenario

Time for you to grow up. You are being a complete patsy and prefer no counseling. Good luck, Mr. Shambles.

I guess you'll have to let your family know the truth.

Are any of them close enough that you can hang out with them instead of her sometimes?

Work on meeting new people - you both need to have friends independent of each other. Neither of you is in a good healthy adult relationship.

I guess i'll see how it goes.
if nothing changes then I guess i'll have to enforce change. even if it means leaving.

thank you all for your advice and responses. and I appreciate the cold hard truth. it needed to be heard.

Come back and let us know how things are going.

A bunch of us are older (and occasionally wiser through our own learning). Me, I consider 25 as just the start of more learning, and many times the start of good experiences. Have heart. But if you leave things as they are, you are digging yourself a big pit.