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So I was not dumped and I've heard from him a few times since posting here last. We've not seen one another due to vacations and both being very busy, however plan to meet first week of sept. I'm not sure how that will go? I just know that part of me as awful as it may be has fallen in love with him. Not the idea of him or any excitement of an affair. But his loving ways when we are together, and how much well connect on so many levels. I feel like I can't break free because my hearts all in it now.

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,417 • Replies: 16

@Kyleah,

Wow, what happened to this?
http://able2know.org/topic/289679-2#post-6013102

1 Reply

@Kyleah,

Kyleah wrote:

@PUNKEY,
Yes right on. Today is a new day and a day I choose not to think anymore about him. Why give him that power? He's not worth my time. I'm a beautiful woman inside and out and know my worth and I'm going to own that. Had a very adult like conversation about divorce with H last night. That was a step in the right direction. 👍😀

Thu 20 Aug, 2015 12:33 pm
@Kyleah,
Update for all. I did tell my counselor about this today. He did say this will take some time to work through because it cuts deep. He also reminded me that to remind myself this is about him and his values not you. Not to Turn it inward to myself. That's helpful. 😊👍

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@Kyleah,

BTW, not trying to be mean here. We do read comments people make and retain the info.

The important thing to understand here ..the jump-up thought ... is that you're focused on whether or not HE dumped YOU. Don't allow yourself to be a victim anymore. You should dump him. There is no future with this guy. There is no balance of power in this relationship...you'll always be behind the 8-ball...unless you change how you approach relationships.

Take some time out of any relationship. Then when you feel ready, find someone else who can be emotionally available to you. I'll bet your counselor has said that to you.

1 Reply

@Kyleah,

Talk to your counselor.

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Drama Queen in residence?

Or some grad student having us on with his/her project?

1 Reply

@jespah,

Well not hearing from him I had convinced myself I was dumped.

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@Ragman,

Thanks. No I've not gotten that deep into taking about him with counselor. But the fact that he's not emotionally available it seems is probably not in my best interest at all. An affair not in my best I treat but my damn heart for all into this now.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not a drama type of person. Just a person who fell for another person and it happen to be at the tail end of a less then desirable marriage. Why on earth does that equate to drama? How about it equates to a human being with feelings. So tired of Cruel people, but then again it's not a reflection of me it's a reflectio of you lead!

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@Kyleah,

Kyleah wrote:

Thanks. No I've not gotten that deep into taking about him with counselor.

talk to your counselor about how you got into this situation and why you're pursuing it

not about the other man - he's not of interest to the counselor

what you are doing is what the counselor needs to know about

___

print out the threads here that you have started and participated in

let the counselor see your comments about how adorable you found the guy and what he did

gotta be honest about this kind of **** when you're in counselling

1 Reply

@Kyleah,

from your first post here

Quote:

I was approached by a guy I always thought was more than adorable and clicked well with. He took my phone from me and plugged in his number. I thought that was so direct and loved it.

show this to your counselor

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@Kyleah,

Quote:

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not a drama type of person. Just a person who fell for another person and it happen to be at the tail end of a less then desirable marriage. Why on earth does that equate to drama? How about it equates to a human being with feelings. So tired of Cruel people, but then again it's not a reflection of me it's a reflectio of you lead!

Not at all. I (and many others) have gone through similar experiences. I tortured myself for many years believing that my attachment had some cosmic significance or that I had some soul connection to someone who treated me most cruelly. This was over a period of over 20 years so I am most certainly not throwing stones or being cruel.

The simple truth is that I was unwilling to back off from the situation and see it for what it was. I was addicted to the drama and the one I was being cruel to was myself.

I Hope you reach that glorious freeing moment when you say " What the **** was I thinking!".

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Good advice. I need to know why I'm hooked even though I think I know the answer. I'm looking for love. I love myself and feel stronger in so many ways then ever. Except I seem to be attracted to the wrong situations. That's the part I need help with. I heard from him again today and I wrote back. Truth is I have fallen deeply, however I don't think we are on the same page with what each of us desires from one another. He's not emotionally available to me. And to make matters worse.. I'm on vacation and I bump into a guy who I asked for directions because I was lost and wouldn't you know he found me late that day at the beach and we had a 2 hour talk. Turns out he lives near me and gosh was a nice guy. I could not resist going back up to his place the last day I was there and just offering an email addy. And within 2 days he starts messaging and is very communicative and I love it. So you see I think I'm looking for the I've of man who respects me as an inducdival person and makes time to want to know all about me. Unlike this first guy who is more interested in the sexual aspect of things. What a F'n mess.

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@Leadfoot,

A what the **** was I thinking moment would be very liberating. Lol

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@Kyleah,

Addiction rears its ugly face in many funny places. Adrenalin from crush/intimacy with someone new or just being flattered and admired..is an amazing 'drug'.

1 Reply

@Kyleah,

Talk to your counsellor about how you're going to deal with your extreme reactions to being flattered.

You are still married. You are finding yourself in relationships with married men who flatter you.

Hopefully once you're divorced you'll realize that being with available single men is better for you.

0 Replies

@Ragman,

Yup.. That's the truth!

0 Replies

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