My Wife is leaving me...

What she is doing is wrong. She is not only unfaithful to you, but she is also abusive. She is hurting you and she obviously doesn't care about your feelings.

You will naturally feel loss for the life that you had planned. You have lost your hopes and dreams (due to her behavior). The only way to get this back is to heal so that you can build hopes and dreams with a partner who deserves your love.

But if you are anything like me, in the future you will look back on this time and be glad to have separated from an abusive partner.

You deserve better.

Did she tell you how long this online relationship has been going on? It seems very reckless to me, to leave your husband for another man you've never met. It's sound like your wife craves uncertainty, or just drama. Do your children know what is going on? They must be unhappy.

The wife here is obviously not being honest with you or herself. Until and unless she starts to be, it's over. Was over. May never have been.

But underlying the whole situation is the erroneous assumption that one person can provide all the interpersonal stimulation that anyone needs. Of course this is true of most marriages. In the long run, you will both need to learn this even if you get past this current crisis.

It's been a few months of online chat and texting

This seems crazy to me. She wants to move out of State to be with a man she hasn't even seen? He might have just gotten out of jail, he could be crazy, but at this point she seems a little crazy. I wish I had a magic answer for you, but her behavior is very reckless and dangerous. My bother left his wife of 19 years for a woman in his office. It only lasted 6 months or less, but by that time his wife sold the house and moved to another state to be near her family. When the other women dumped him, he tried to convince his wife to come back. She asked for a few concessions from him, but for reasons only he knows, he refused and she never came back. My brother loves drama.

I chuckled at the story of your brother. I've seen this stuff played out so many times...men and women

Actually, he's a retired cop. May know something about manipulation. It is crazy, no one can figure it out, but she's bound and determined to leave. I've talked to her and she recognizes the change and effort I've been putting forth, but the pull of the unknown is too strong. I can't cut back on the way I treat her, though many say it would help. I just want her back...and my window is closing.

He's a retired cop because he stated it on-line??? It's one thing for her to believe whatever he posts on-line, you don't have to buy it. Personally, I think this a big mistake. I went thru a divorce when I was 27, it was awful for a ton of reasons.

But not because of outside romance. Although it did surprise me a little when his future 3rd wife would help him follow me after our separation. But that was my situation, it doesn't help you. I am sorry you are dealing with this, I would be devastated if my husband left me for someone he'd only met on the internet 2 months ago. I don't know if its possible, but have you thought about asking your wife to see a doctor to rule out any issues that could be causing all this unrest? It just sounds so crazy. A two month relationship is an infatuation, not necessarily love.

(note to everyone else - if you had a successful romance that started on-line, I'm not criticizing you, god-bless,,,but this women is being incredibly cruel to her husband)

I don't mean this to be insulting, but you're getting a little masochistic there.

The problem is she wants to rove, and if it isn't this guy, it'll be another.
Your distaste for being alone, without her, is, in my opinion, getting in your way.
I think the marriage you want to save is gone.

In a way, at least she is honest.

As she's 50 i was concerned about midlife crisis but her hormone levels are normal

Well they won't be much longer. If she is "unhappy" why doesn't she just get an apartment and keep her job. She can 'find herself' by herself. I'm betting mr. retired cop won't be as wonderful as she thinks. The signal is his response to her when she told him she couldn't leave a 16 marriage to bet on a two month on-line fling. He will punish her for that, she really is making some stupid moves.

Punish is the correct term. By vacillating she's given him all the power
I fear for her safety

So do I.

The only time I see this kind of thing happen is when one of the partners has a sexual kink that they have not told their mate about, and then finds someone online who compliments that kink, or at least seems to.

How has your sex life been? Any indication that she might be into BDSM?

Definitely not into kink

Have you had a decent sex life recently? I ask because this sounds like sexual thrill seeking at first blush. If it is that then there is a really good chance that she will be begging you to take her back in two months.

if my wife did that to me i would take her by the scruff of her neck and throw her out of the closest door i could find closely followed by her clothes and possessions including a broken laptop and phone that she used to contact him. stop being a pussy and kick the bitch out, she might even gain a bit of respect for you and try and win you back, if not she deserves all she gets.

I'm inclined to read this as a troll posting with a made-up story intentionally placing the husband in the more common wife's role, as the one who cooked, shopped, but lost the spouse's affection to an invisible internet suitor.

Regardless of whether it is... see a lawyer, draw up divorce papers with the great advantage going to you; that's the price of letting her explore her fantasy, and pressure her to sign. You keep the house, you keep the car, if there are kids, you get custody and she pays YOU child support, etc.

IF she never comes back, fine, you've got that base covered. IF she wants to come back, tough terms are in order: 6 months mandatory mental counseling/rehab, STD testing, and of course YOU would need your head examined to even consider it but hey, that's your problem.

Use what you can use and leave the rest.

Like so many others here you are such a dick!

No, hawkeye, although you've rightfully earned that moniker, I'm merely a perceptive and intelligent observer and participant on the site, not the whooping spleen that you are.