8
   

When you spot someone in public who turned you down on a dating site?

 
 
singlesucks13
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 08:57 am
@ehBeth,
Movies, dinner, maybe a sports game.
Vernon of Prague
 
  0  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 02:41 pm
@singlesucks13,
you clearly didn't caught their interest enough to spent another date with you. Work on that.
0 Replies
 
Vernon of Prague
 
  0  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 02:43 pm
@singlesucks13,
moreover, this is just my opinion but life offers enough possibilities to meet women in real life, I see no reason to bother with dating sites and FB.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 03:37 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
Hmmm, Vernon, do you realise that you've mostly been telling him everything he's doing wrong? How is this going to help him when his real problem is that he doesn't know what to do that is right?

SS13, there's a number of possible reasons that women won't accept a second date:
- they didn't feel a connection
- there's no chemistry
- they were bored
- they were uncomfortable
- you missed the point of a first date

Feeling a connection is about the things you share in common....interests, activities, passions, emotions, body language, impulsiveness / thoughtfulness etc. As each individual experiences a wide range of such things, and no two individuals are alike...a guy who pays attention to who their date is, can identify such things, and display similar traits that he possesses

Chemistry - to my way of thinking is the connection at a sexual level. On a date it comes down to - do you stir their blood. Ie. Do they think that they could have a sexual relationship with you? If you aren't creating chemistry, then you need to find out how.

- a list of things that women can find attractive in a partner (not exactly in a sexual way, but this adds to any interest they may possess from other aspects of your personality): humour, hard work, ambition / drive / go getter, assertive, self assured, passionate, respectful / kind.

- Your body language is incredibly important to courting / romancing/ seducing...learn about it in a dating / romance / seduction setting...practice the right body language, and use it (your mind attunes itself to your actions).

When a woman says 'I felt it was like I was the only person in the world' - that's a combination of eye contact, body language (relaxed focus towards her, mirroring body language), focus (not being distracted by the pretty waitress walking past, not letting your mind wonder off while she's talking), paying attention to the detail of what she's saying, showing you're interested (done through leading body language, eye contact, voice quality), etc

- how you speak (to a greater degree than what you say) is exactly the same as body language. We use different pitch in different settings, we can control the sharpness or warmth of our voice, our speech quickens or slows for different messages etc...and the same occurs in dating / romance / seduction (especially when combined with eye contact / body lanague...etc. Growing / Maturing how you speak takes practice.

They were bored: it could be the setting, it could be the person. Why not eliminate one element (the setting), to give yourself a better chance? (eg. if you can, find out what interests you share and plan around it. Or choose a theme park where there's lots of intereaction going on, or something active, or a place where you can go for a walk after your coffee etc). And for you - why not arm yourself with some interesting / funny stories (not jokes, stories).

They were uncomfortable: this could be because of the setting, or because of the man. Eliminate settings that could lead to discomfort when asking for the second date, eg. the Movies - very little chance to talk, so at the end she won't know if she could actually like you or not, which can make her uncomfortable. No politics, no religious discussions (even if you know you already agree)

You missed the point of a first date : any combination of : fun / light hearted / stimulating / warm / positive / interesting / full of life / stirring etc. with an sense of connection
-------------------------------------------------------
That's a short list, written off the top of my head (ie. take it with a grain of salt). Start seeking to find out what you can improve - that make sense to you, and work on it.

If you have friends, ask them what they think you can improve.

Note: consider that if you ask them what you are doing wrong, you may get disheartened to the point of not wanting to ask them what you can improve...if this is you, then save yourself a bit of heartache and work on things that will give you improved skills, and increase your confidence in your skills before moving on to things that may shake your confidence...eventually it will work out for you.

Work on you skills, and while you're doing it, work on knowing who you are and building value in your own eyes into who you are.

Best Wishes
Vernon of Prague
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 04:24 pm
@vikorr,
Quote:
Hmmm, Vernon, do you realise that you've mostly been telling him everything he's doing wrong? How is this going to help him when his real problem is that he doesn't know what to do that is right?


I know. But frankly Vikorr, do you really think this is gonna help him too? I have been reading his previous posts and replies. He isn't seeking for advice, rather for shoulder to cry on. He isn't asking anyone "what to do better" he's just screaming "why is the world so unfair?" My attitude: kick him to the ass because that's what he needs most. I...used to be frustrated crying little baby too, and just as him, no amount of advices could help me or make me do something better. Everything is in the head, not on the paper. He will either realize that or never will. In any case, now he cannot go any lower.

Just observe his reaction. You will see.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2015 08:50 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
Such things can be frustrating Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Below viewing threshold (view)
singlesucks13
 
  0  
Reply Wed 15 Jul, 2015 05:09 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
dating sites i get but why dont you suggest facebook?
0 Replies
 
singlesucks13
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Jul, 2015 05:16 pm
@vikorr,
It was my only date in my life so far and coming from a shy person I had like a 2 and half hour date which was at olive garden btw but it was the 1st time I could really have that long a conversation with a girl and I thought we had alot in common, Curse my shyness though because I wanted to go for a goodbye hug but didnt do it because I didnt know if she would have been mad. She told me on fb that she wanted a hug. If I get a chance past the 1st date when should I go for the 1st kiss? I was thinking like 4th or 5th date.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  5  
Reply Wed 15 Jul, 2015 05:19 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
no need to be nasty
Below viewing threshold (view)
vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Wed 15 Jul, 2015 06:13 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
Have you ever read Vicktor Frankl's 'Man's search for meaning'? He was a German Jew during WW2 who survived the death camps. He talked about how they could shred every scrap of dignity from him "except the one remaining human freedom" - his ability to choose the attitude with which he faced any given situation.
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Wed 15 Jul, 2015 07:48 pm
@Vernon of Prague,
there is no need to be rude to the OP

it reflects on you, not him
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  7  
Reply Thu 16 Jul, 2015 05:33 am
@Vernon of Prague,
Then hit ignore and vote down the topic and you won't have to deal with this anymore.

Acting rudely is utterly uncalled for.
Vernon of Prague
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 16 Jul, 2015 06:22 pm
@vikorr,
Quote:
Have you ever read Vicktor Frankl's 'Man's search for meaning'? He was a German Jew during WW2 who survived the death camps. He talked about how they could shred every scrap of dignity from him "except the one remaining human freedom" - his ability to choose the attitude with which he faced any given situation.


Not sure what you mean but I know this - I have talked about this problem with my boss (quite a person whom I admire - maybe not for his personality but for his achievements) and he told me this - you must stay emotionally empty. No matter what **** they throw at you, you don't feel anything.

So far every advice he gave me proved to be true. Therefore this is also a path. The problem is, I am young (27) and this is first time after maybe years I face **** like this. For that, I am still vulnerable and prone to frustration, anger and hostility. However, as months will pass, I will learn to calm my temper and disgust. But not today. I am still too weak for that.

Also note it's something after midnight. That means I just returned from my side job to calm down and sleep. Usually at this hour, I am in state of deep frustration and outrage. Nothing personal. Ever.
0 Replies
 
Vernon of Prague
 
  -3  
Reply Thu 16 Jul, 2015 06:25 pm
@jespah,
Quote:
Then hit ignore and vote down the topic and you won't have to deal with this anymore.

Acting rudely is utterly uncalled for.


I am not rude at OP. As a matter of fact, I could not care less of him. The picture I posted was a mere joke, nothing more. Rest of my posts were rather expressing my frustration about people with certain personality traits I meet in person, not here. EhBeth might be right, this is reflection of me. But still I would like to meet person who handles my troubles better then me - I could take him for an example, an idol.
Vernon of Prague
 
  3  
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2015 04:38 am
@Vernon of Prague,
It's morning and I feel OK again.

Yes, you are right. I should not post after work. Also I owe OP an appology. My anger has nothing to do with him.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  0  
Reply Sun 19 Jul, 2015 04:25 am
@singlesucks13,
Try carrying a deflated tyre about with you and when you see a pretty girl ask her if she has a foot pump about her person, or a blunt pencil, (pencil sharpener,) or a blunt machete, (knife grinder.)

Failing that you could always tell her you're desperate for a **** and ask if she has a bucket on her. You'd be amazed how many pretty girls carry a bucket for such eventuality, although a lot of those tend to be undercover police officers investigating reports of a faecalpheliac harassing women in the street.

I don't know what the World's coming to, there's some real weirdos out there.
0 Replies
 
 

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