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Engaged to a man who hasn't contacted me for a week?

 
 
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 12:37 pm
I am extremely confused.

My fiance and I got engaged two months ago, and have been together for 2 years.

We've had a rocky relationship as we are both sensitive people, but he's a good guy overall.

In our past few fights, I've noticed that my bf/fiance attempts to break things off and run away/hang up - and I immediately either run after him/start calling him back.

A week ago, my fiance told me that he had gotten in a fight with his mother. I told him not to worry, as she was probably frustrated. The next day, I speak to my fiance normally (via text) but I can tell that he was a bit moody - but I tried to act normal. The same day I had plans from before to meet with my best friend, so I told him I was going to meet her, and his mood seemed to worsen. I texted him while I was with my friend, but I got no response. I came back home and texted and asked him if he wanted to talk. I got no response. I woke up around 3 am and again texted him asking him to text me when he wakes up. He texted me around 10 am the next day saying he's awake. So I called him, but he didn't pick up. I text him asking why he's mad - and he ignored the text (I knew he read it). So I text him AGAIN, asking why he's ignoring me - and his response is "Do you need anything from me?"

I found his response REALLY odd because I know my fiance is the type who seeks a lot of attention when he's moody/upset. So I know I sound clingy with the texts - but I have to act this way to get anything out of him. But anyways, I responded with "What does that mean? Why aren't you talking to me?" and he responds with "I need time alone."

At this point, I got frustrated and told him "Okay, I won't bother you."

But I have NOT heard from him since. It's been a WEEK, and he has not contacted me. And quite frankly, I have not contacted him either because I don't even know what I did wrong in this entire situation. Plus with his whole "Do you need anything from me?" made it seem like I wasn't even supposed to be talking to him in the first place?

I'm quite sure that he's waiting for ME to chase him - but I refuse to do it this time because of his behavior. I know he's fine because he's been active on Facebook and other social media. But seriously, what do I make of this? I'm engaged to a guy who hasn't contacted me for a WEEK?
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 12:40 pm
@Twinkle10,
Why the heck are you texting? Why don't you see him in person? Seems like a face to face conversation is needed. Texts are often times mis-understood. You need to speak with him not text.
Twinkle10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 12:46 pm
@Linkat,
How do I see him in person if he doesn't want to talk to me? And didn't respond to my call?
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 12:53 pm
@Twinkle10,
You say he's a good guy overall so I guess you can hang around and wait for him to contact you.

Given how you've described his communication style, there must be something super-amazing about him to make up for that.

Good luck. You will need to be a very patient woman to have a life with this guy.

____

and Linkat's right - in-person communication is better than texting. It's hard to read body language (like impossible) without being able to see the other person.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 01:00 pm
@Twinkle10,
You go to his door and knock on it or if there is a doorbell you ring it.

If you can't find him that way - You can call and leave him a voice mail explaining that you are concerned about your relationship and you would like to see him.

If he doesn't respond or answer your phone calls you have your answer.
roger
 
  4  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 03:34 pm
@Twinkle10,
Twinkle10 wrote:

How do I see him in person if he doesn't want to talk to me? And didn't respond to my call?


Why on Earth are you engaged to him? Is it supposed to get all better once you both say "I do"? It rather sounds like what you are in love with is being engaged and later, being married.

I promise you, a wedding band won't make anything get better.
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 03:43 pm
@Twinkle10,
It seems to me that he's not ready to be a fiancé.

You've had a rocky relationship all the way through. You've been engaged for 8 weeks, 1 off which he hasn't at all spoken to you.

He always "attempts to break off the relationship".

He told you he had a fight with his Mother, I am betting "over" the engagement.

Any one in love doesn't stalk face-book to see if the other person appears "ok" or not, they get their butt over to the other person and make things right. I don't believe that you even are in love with this guy.

I don't think either of you are suited to be honest and that his Mother has told him as well, the same thing and he has doubts.

I think you should have doubts.

Both sensitive, therefore constant arguments, non trust, non communication, as others have stated, does not constitute a good relationship forging forward to a marriage.

Perhaps you should really sit down and do a list of all the positives and all the negatives about your relationship, things you wish you had but don't have within the relationship, if you can consider, same on his side and truly see where you are sitting.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 03:45 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
Quote:
Perhaps you should really sit down and do a list of all the positives and all the negatives about your relationship, things you wish you had but don't have within the relationship, if you can consider, same on his side and truly see where you are sitting


If you have to pull such a list together then you shouldn't get married.
Twinkle10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 03:53 pm
@Linkat,
The only reason I am hesitant about doing this is because he explicitly told me HE needed to be alone, and said "Do you need anything from me?" when I messaged him to inquire why he was mad. Shouldn't it be HIS responsibility to contact me?

Doesn't it reward HIS bad behavior if I go chasing him around as always?
Twinkle10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 03:56 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
I'm not sure why I have to prove my love by chasing him around though? This puts me in a situation where he'll always be expecting me to chase him around if he has a mood-swing or decides he doesn't want to talk to me for a week?

As for the argument, his mother called to invite me over for dinner. But I explicitly told her that his son and I weren't on talking-terms, so how am I supposed to come over for dinner? His mother said that she wasn't aware of this because he hasn't spoken to her about anything related to this.

I agree we are both immature for marriage, and I have no intention of getting married until I'm sure we both can handle it. But at the moment, I just wasn't sure of what to make of his behavior or how to proceed without making it seem like I am OKAY with him behaving this way.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 03:58 pm
@Linkat,
hehe

the list is part of what's required in the pre-marriage inventory which is done before the weekend retreat for engaged Catholic couples

__________


my favourite question has always been about cars. each member of the couple is asked if they own a car. they are both then asked whose car it will be after the wedding. it invariably leads to a lot of discussion.
Debra Law
 
  3  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 04:17 pm
His conduct is manipulative. Perhaps, when he is moody, he needs you to change your plans and plant your lips on his keister 24/7 until you are able to coax him to tell you about all the things that make him moody. He thinks you ought to know, when he says he needs time to himself, he really doesn't mean it. Thus, he is punishing you and letting you know that he's not at your disposal unless you need him somehow (apparently so he can show you how he is there when you need him, but you're not there when he needs you). Mind-boggling manipulations. You will always have to run after him, try to read his mind, try to coax his manufactured "problem" from his lips, and soothe his ruffled feathers. Most people can live more happily without a romantic partner who gives them the silent treatment. I think you can do better.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 09:00 pm
@ehBeth,
All the better I didn't get merits in a Catholic church ... we did have questions to answer but they were more open ended. The minister also told us there were no right or wrong answers. I looked at the questions ND knew right away this was going to be different than à catholic question aire as there would be right and wrong anwers.

The questions were such to make sure you discuss major items before you got married not pros and cons sort of things.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2015 09:06 pm
@Twinkle10,
If this is how you ... meaning as a couple, not you personally...handle conflict or disagreements before getting married it is only going to get worse when you get married. You need to talk in order to resolve disagreements.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2015 02:16 am
@Linkat,
Quote:
If you have to pull such a list together then you shouldn't get married.


Exactly. Only sometimes like with everything people need to see it written down before realising where they are at.
0 Replies
 
Twinkle10
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2015 03:45 pm
@Debra Law,
This is was spot on...

His mother called to tell me why he's been upset/ignoring me for a week. It was because I didn't inquire about his situation with his mother more than once, and I went to meet my friend despite his problem at home.

Even if I didn't inquire that many times, do I really deserve to be ignored for a week for that?

Not sure what's going to become of this now, should I contact him or not?
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2015 03:52 pm
@Twinkle10,
One would hope that he would be able to resolve any issues with his Mother on his own. Do you want someone that requires a lot of your time and attention every time there is a conflict? Can you not also live your own life?

No, let him grow up.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2015 04:04 pm
@Twinkle10,
Good grief.

His mother had to tell you what the problem was/is.

He needs some time to grow up.

Why exactly are you engaged to this person?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2015 04:04 pm
@roger,
roger wrote:

Twinkle10 wrote:

How do I see him in person if he doesn't want to talk to me? And didn't respond to my call?


Why on Earth are you engaged to him? Is it supposed to get all better once you both say "I do"? It rather sounds like what you are in love with is being engaged and later, being married.

I promise you, a wedding band won't make anything get better.


Roger got it right at the beginning.

Listen to Roger.
0 Replies
 
makemeable
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Jul, 2015 07:29 am
@Twinkle10,
maybe it's not so good to always do the chasing, when you get tired of it he might not be willing to chase you Sad
0 Replies
 
 

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