There is this girl who is my junior when i'm doing my graduation. My graduation is 4 years and she joined the college when i was in 2nd year(i guess that is the meaning of junior). well i saw her on freshers party(which seniors are suppose to throw to juniors as welcome and ofcourse juniors are supposed give seniors farewell party at end of our graduation). So i'm guy with very low self esteem, low self confidence, and i have been in boys hostel and boys school till my graduation. Essentially i havent talked to a single girl or have seen a single girl till my graduation.
So i had like instant crush on this girl. But because of my insecurities and inexperience i never made an attempt to talk to her. I was not top in my class but i have a real good understanding about programming and everything (i'm a computers student) so my teachers and professors like me very much more than toppers. And they apparently told about me to my juniors, and asked my juniors to consult me for anything they need and take me as inspiration.
Well its when its my final year still i didnt nothing expect look at her everytime she passes me in college. So once i was in my head of department office and he had to go somewhere so i checked all the records and got her phone number and saved it in my mobile.
After my graduation finished i left the college and well i did one year course on game development. (coz software is too mainstream
) and at that time i found courage to message her on her bday and wished her. i told her that its me and she is like i dont believe you, you are supposed to be studious and career oriented not calling girls etc :/. well i did convince her and we had such nice conversations. And from that day we use to call and message alot and i was really happy everytime i talk to her. At this point i havent met her once and she didnt meet me either. But thanks to orkut, facebook and what not she know how i look and well i knew how she looks since college. So i finished my course and i went for job as game developer to some far off place. And it became impossible for me to meet her.
Its not love or anything but we really had good thing and i truly felt a bond and well we named it friendship. i really am not sure that i lover her or anything i still didnt have feelings for her. for next 2 years we talked almost every day and every night on phone. after her graduation she joined in some BPO as night shift so everynight she use to call me at 12 and we talk for 3 or 4 hours and again she will call me at 6 in morning when she is about to leave the office and she will in taxi. so basically she spend more than 50% of her time in office talking to me. and i use to go to my office next day like a ragged teddy bear and ofcourse we again talk when i;m in my office also. So i get to know a lot about her and the bond strengthened. At times we dont have anything to talk about so we use to buy a novel and just read it out for each other. And if she couldnt sleep she will call me and i tell her bedtime stories.
So after these 2 years, i feel really attached to her. Want to be with her evey minute but my anxiety, my low self esteem they are so strong they keep saying "if you meet her she will look at your ugly face and that is end of it". i forgot to mention i'm from india and we have a custom here, parents just arrange our marriges and we just have to get married to them. :/ loving someone and getting married to them is like a real big deal here. And her parents got a her a suitable bride
. He is better than me in every aspect. He looks good, i look like a begger, very slim, dont even have dressing sense, ugly face tc. he does yoga good body, and handsome, better job infact he earns 10 times my salary i think :-|.and he is living in united states so they chat online and do cam chats etc. And she liked him a lot
. and well all night i just used to sit on bed listining to her talking about him and suddenly their marriage got canceled for some reasons and she is really depressed so i used to cheer her up. So after battling with my self esteem for a year i decided to meet her so i made an excuse that i was coming by to her city just to meet a friend in that city and if she is interested in meeting me. She said yes and she told me to where to come. i went there and waited for 2 hours before she came. But believe its worth that wait
and we just sat there and talked for 2 - 3 hours and i had to leave. She said that she was happy meeting me and its good to finally add expressions to those stable images she has in mind of mine.
She said that she is leaving for United states for higher studies so i met her one last time for 3 hours and again we just talked and she left to US now.
Well thing is even i'm coming to US for my higher studies so i'm thinking we havent met each other at all. so maybe if i can meet her in person regularly maybe i can change her thoughts about me. maybe if i can do something different i dont know. There are lot of things different when we actually met in person so can i do something different that can make her feel same way towards me? i have been reading and listening to things like seduction techniques and psychology etc. but do they really work?
Please help a fallen brother.