The Insult Chain Game

We all 'get it.' You're a "lay" preacher, and you have nothing over that man eater.

So, it's your turn to address the drunks at O'Malley's, if you sober up enough, you old boozer. Remember to wear pants this time.

I'm thinking about gassing up the jet and heading to DisneyWorld this week.

The only thing that's full of gas is you, you revolting bag of wind--you've been known to empty out entire auditoriums once your pungent bombs hit the air. Unless Disney World is looking to crown a Fart Queen, you'll be unwelcome there too, but don't expect to be allowed within any indoor areas even then.

I forgot to pay one of my bills and I'm going to be stuck with a late charge.

Oh it's firefly, A2k's resident Miss Manners. Don't worry about late charges, that flop house you frequent provides everything you need you taffeta wearing floozy. The derelict in the next room will not share anymore sterno with you, enjoy the DT's.

So I'm planning a theme party for my husband, has April in Paris become too predictable?

Bump

Just because you've used that same theme for the last 30 parties you've thrown for hubby, you finally think it might be a tad predictable, you unimaginative, dull, dim-witted, dolt?

I received some exciting news in the mail today.

The virtuousities of a pamphlet proselyteasing its display on the sale of mens' clothing half off is hardly cause for your excitement.

I've had some bad luck recently that I would muchly like to share about.

That's about all you ever share, and spread around, bad luck. Given your total lack of any charm, wit, personality, manners, initiative, honesty, decency, integrity, or sobriety, anyone who'd be fool enough to get involved with you, is asking for bad luck.

While watching the Oscars, I saw a number of gowns I think I would look absolutely stunning in.

Awwww, that's so sweet, you still think those lovely gowns will distract people from those puppet lines and sagging jowls, to be on the safe side remember to carry a brown paper bag to place over your head, so nothing distracts from the gown.

I've been ducking the SECDEF, he's seeking help on this Ukraine business. Ha, now they want advice from retired soviet and Eastern European
linguists/analysts. He better send me roses.

Those are store detectives that follow you in every establishment you enter, because you're known to have sticky fingers, and to walk out without paying for expensive merchandise, you shameless thief. The only help they want, is help getting rid of you.

I'm trying to decide whether to make a major purchase.

What, on a handbag? I knew you were false, suppose you carry a small dog as well in a pink bag and dress it up.

I'm wondering if I should colour my hair or not, no that would be false, changed my mind.. Erm, I'm going to use the money to plant some herbs and tomatoes instead!

Forget colouring your hair you old duck, you look like a scare crow now. Use your plant money for a face lift, would not hurt.

My share port folio is growing and growing of late.

Your middle name is Pinocchio, the only thing growing on you, is the hair on your face and that's grey, talk about calling the scare crow, I'd be scared looking at you won't be able to even see your eyes.

I'm as usual having a glass of wine, after work.

And, as usual, that follows the several glasses you had before work, the half a bottle you had while at work, and all the glasses you'll now have before you pass out for the night, because you haven't taken a sober breath in the last 20 years, you dipso.

I can't function before I have my morning cup of coffee.

And by "cup of coffee", you mean 1 teaspoon of Folgers instant coffee powder and 24 ounces of Kentucky Gentleman whiskey.

I'm going to see the Veronica Mars movie tonight at the movie theater with a couple of friends.

I understand that your wilted lettuce like brain can't summon up words to address Tsar's imaginary movie going venture with his even more imaginary friends (don't have the heart to tell him, they are the paid staff at his halfway house) but putting up a cheap photo is taking the easy way out.


This morning I awoke with some level of confusion as I tried to figure out which day it was. Then I threw on a smile and decided it didn't matter as I own stock in some of the biggest companies.

You're not only confused, you're downright deluded, believing you actually live in a Monopoly board and own those companies you've bought with play money. Don't count on getting a day pass from the asylum any time soon.

I don't seem to have much of an appetite today.

You should seam. It would assist in stomach over load warnings.

The ice is trying to melt.

It's likely to have more succcess than you will in trying to think, you airhead.

I can't decide whether to have Chinese food tonight or tomorrow.