The Insult Chain Game

@firefly,

A&P brown bags are not hats, and you have a restraining order from the ASPCA for kicking kittens you passive aggressive bully.

The Coen brothers are begging me to help them with a new film, but I'm not sure if I want to do it.

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@glitterbag,

That's the Con brothers, and they want you to star in their porn home movies so that they, and their drunken friends, can laugh at your old, sagging, wrinkled body, and you're so dumb, you think that will make you a film star.

I think I'm going to have a nice relaxing day and watch some of the movies I've recorded.

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@firefly,

I know what you have in mind hot pants, you're going to watch some porn movies you starred in during your better days you flaky old 'has been'.

I was nearly led into temptation by an alluring beautiful woman yesterday but was able to hold my composure. Why always me, is it my money or personality?

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@Dutchy,

It's the lack of money you pathetic pauper. They just have sympathy for you and want to help you back on your feet so why think of it as something more?

It is going to be brutally cold tomorrow with a howling wind, I sure hope my housekeeper doesn't cancel out on me as we need to get the drapes changed.

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@Sturgis,

You call those dingy sheets bunched on your windows drapes???? I assume the faded olive drab rags were obtained from Army Surplus. What's the rush, is Ringling Bros having a fire sale?

It's getting close to the weekend, I guess I'd better call and have the jet fueled up.

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@glitterbag,

You mean you've got to call the liquor store, and order a case of booze, so you can keep yourself tanked up all weekend, you lush.

I've been taking advantage of January white sales to spruce up my bedrooms.

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@firefly,

Good idea now have a face lift and a boob job and you'll attract the Lotharios well into your old age.

I'll be going to Melbourne next weekend on the personal invitation of Serena Williams, she must think she is going to win The Australian Tennis Open again.

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Ah yes. Buying more anti-depressants and stumbling through a drug induced haze with some old hag of a hooker you groped at some low class bar, you mean. Well, at least pay her this time, instead of hitting her over the head with a lamp and stealing her wallet.

Its too damn hot here in Africa, hunting big game. I think I will accept the invitation to join the All Expense Paid Trip To
Antarctica i got inthe mail.

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@InkRune,

Stop bragging about hunting big game when all you're bagging are small aardvarks, Antarctican penguins are possibly next on your program you impersonating Tarzan.

My 3 new iron ore mines in Argentina show great promise,

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@Dutchy,

Your stock in those mines is already worth half of what you paid for it, and it promises to drop even lower, you pathetic loser.

I finished a major job this week.

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@firefly,

In your case that would mean you held up a national bank instead of just the locals as a way to keep your booze and weed habit going. Too bad for you they have high quality surveillance in that branch and your now at the top of the FBI's most wanted list.

The last week or so I have been exceedingly tired and have had little desire to do anything. Might even cancel a planned trip to see my favorite niece in Terre Haute next month.

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@Sturgis,

Don't you think you're taking the departure of Mayor Bloomberg way too seriously, by thinking he's personally abandoned you, you demented loon.
Stop moping around, put on your big boy pants, and buy a plane ticket to Terre Haute, before your niece changes her mind about having you visit.

I was just outside cleaning the snow off my car in this freezing cold weather.

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@firefly,

Your body needs a tan instead of cleaning snow in the freezing cold weather. Take a trip downunder where the temperature is 115 degrees today and you'll never see snow.

I"m having a well earned holiday after some demanding business deals recently.

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@Dutchy,

Well earned holiday? A criminal who swindles the savings from the elderly and then laughs while vacationing in France. Wales, Greece and Bulgaria?

I am so relieved to have finished all my tax filings on time this year and am now awaiting a sizable refund from the Feds. Wondering how I should spend it...

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@Sturgis,

You're living in a dream world, your refund will be so small, even the Salvation Army won't accept it, you illusionist.

Today I signed a deal to deliver 1000 minkey whales to Japanese research laboratories.

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@Dutchy,

Minky Whales?????? You've gotten soft in the brain. You must think you're starring as Chief Inspector Clouseau.

A nice young woman called this morning to alert us to malware and other things on our computer. We were so grateful, we signed up and that nice young lady told us we'd be protected now. What luck.

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@glitterbag,

How can you fall for that one, you're sucked in by a fraudster and can kiss your money goodbye, you dummy.

Dining the Governor tonight and hoping to obtain some mining concessions.

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@Dutchy,

I doubt you'll have access to the Governor, old boy. Because you keep trying to crash these government dinners, all security guards are now familiar with your photo, and have strict orders to immediately apprehend you at first sight. If you show your face at the door, you'll likely be eating tomorrow's dinner behind bars.

I was faced with a predicament today and a handsome stranger suddenly appeared out of nowhere and he rescued me.

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@firefly,

Oh my gawd a handsome stranger read "Lothario" who took you home and had his way with you for the afternoon, that was your predicament, you man eater.

As a lay preacher I'll be delivering the sermon in the local Cathedral tomorrow.

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The Insult Chain Game

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