The Insult Chain Game

29 Celsius? Try 99.8 F in December. Inexperienced weather person ...

... I think I'm drunk.

Really, how can you tell with a blood level reading higher than that found in 100 proof vodka.

I've been looking around to find a set of marcasite buttons to have put on my favorite red velvet shirt.

Try the dollar store next to the mud hut you call home. I suppose you are getting ready for the fund raiser for the Mayor of Toronto. Just a warning however, the Mayor is nuts for red velvet, so I'll be looking for your picture next to a leering fat man in the Toronto Enquirer, the least respected rag in Canada.

Well I'm off to get a good nights sleep, tomorrow my decency league group will be distributing food baskets to the ostentatiously pious members of God's personal peeps.

That "decency league group" you belong to--The Immoral Maidens and Supporters of Sin--better not deliver more of those food baskets of rotten fruit to the truly pious at your local church, you've done it so many times, the police will be waiting to arrest you for harassment and a possible hate crime.

I think I've finally decided what I'm giving everyone for Christmas.

Flipping everyone the bird is not considered to be a Christmas gift you randy old biddy. You'll probably be sleeping off a hangover anyway, so stay in bed and make that your Christmas gift. I'll send you two Excedrine tablets, unrepentant lush.

We can't decide which invitation we can accept this year. The Obamas throw a great Christmas Party, but George Clooney's invitation came first and I think it would be rude to back out of the Clooney party.

You really can't do anything with those crayon drawn invitations you made in the mental health therapy art work group last week. Might as well just face it, you'll be getting voltage to the brain on Christmas same as every day.

At the store the other day, I was wondering if I should purchase a new refrigerator so my microwave won't feel so above it all in the kitchen.

The microwave's been lording it over the other appliances, and the refrigerator's been complaining to you that it feels inferior? Start taking your meds again, you whacked out nut-job, before you put your head in the oven again because the stove's told you it's feeling lonely.

I just bought myself a present on Amazon.

Well look again at the confirmation page from what you thought was Amazon.com. See anything wrong? You and your identity just got ripped off as you actually sent your personal and banking info to Amazzon.com. You bloody careless fool!

I need to get a haircut before going to my law firm's holiday party on Tuesday.

You need to get a new set of clothes and a bath too you filthy disgusting degenerate and derelict!

Today I feel as if I could conquer the world and all obstacles should they be placed in front of me.

I think you are making too much of that bowel movement you finally had this morning, I hardly think that taking a dump, after being constipated, is a sign of your becoming a world-conquerer, you nitwit, although it's one of the few accomplishments that you have to brag about.

I keep forgetting to buy Christmas cards when I'm out shopping.

I'm not surprised because you never bought them in your life but always pinched them you petty store thief.

I'm just home from a world business trip involving big dollars.

Big bucks... the standard two cents, or didja get a raise? With your face, not likely. You never did make much sense. I suppose you're happy with your meagre change, huh. It does'nt take a lot to satisfy a selfloving, penny pinching, slubberdegullion like yourself, you ******* nazi bitch. Just don't spend it all in one place. Your mind would detonate from the strain of calculating the tip. Although I doubt your satanic mind would even bother doing such a thing.

Whaddya think of mai haircut?

Go back to school and learn to spell first you nincompoop, I think you are about 6 years old, far to young to be talking about haircuts you whippersnapper.

My shares took a dive today following General Motor's announcement to stop making cars in Australia.

Learn to spell? Yeah right. I'l learn to spell when you get some grammar in that dense lump of **** you pass off as a head. As for the dive in your shares (more like a suicide attempt), guess the General got tired of you raping his wife, so he up and left. While you're at it, go steal a few more washers to pass off for quarters, so you can buy a pencil to threaten people with.

Its snowing today. Oh, anyone else realize that now this is a hatemail chain?

Your hatemails aren't exactly subtle, and given how obnoxious and offensive you sound, I'm not surprised that other people regularly punch you in the mouth. Do you have any teeth left, you creep?

I'm going to try to finish my Christmas shopping online tonight.

Hatemail chain, is that what you're pushing you insecure irrational dimwit.

The sun is shining, the sea is begging, going to do a bit of surfing.

Surf, and the world surfs with you. Swim, and you swim alone.

Clearly you are swimming alone because you couldn't even figger out what time to get out of the water and wrinkled up drier than your ancient great great grandmama

Weather forecast predicting more snow, I think I'll stay in and read a book and maybe watch some television program tomorrow.

Any excuse for being a couch potato you good for nothing malingerer.

Addressing the City Council today on a very important public issue.

I bet the City Council is beside themselves in anticipation for your weekly booze fueled appearance denouncing the number of tanked up drunk Aussies, passed out on public benches. I hear they can recite the next part along with you when you launch into your rum soaked rational that the benches must be monitored to prevent boozers hogging the benches forcing others to have pass out in the grass and the grass stains ruin your slacks and socks for lack of decent benches.
Tomorrow a group of mothers with 12 year old sons, plan to be there to hear your speech, as a sort of Scared Straight lesson. Truly hope the boys don't collapse in a fit of giggles before you get to the end of your flammable presentation.

On Wednesday, I will be explaining the different methods and techniques of making Christmas Cookies for some of the younger women. They seem to have such fun at our cookie soirée.