The Insult Chain Game

So you finally have drifted so far off into la la land drinking that home made hooch that you believe your sleeping mat is a stretch out place in a cargo jet.

It has been an eventful day and I accomplished many things, should be able to get a good night of sleep after such an exhausting time.

*N*U*D*G*E*

You're going on a trip alright, right off the planet you old tart, stay off the psychedelic magic mushroom potion and you won't get those weird travelling ideas.

I just bought an original Rembrandt at London's Christies auctions to adorn my new house.

Oh, so you bought the Javier Rembrandt you hopeless nitwit. Your nurses are getting quite irritated and have sworn to leave you sitting in a diaper for 72 hours. They hope your sore wrinkled butt will distract you long enough to give them enough time to secure a room in a detox facility, you pathetic rum soaked bum. Good news, you've been booked for 60 days at the bat poop crazy wing of the Betty Ford Clinic.

Jack Nicholson called last night begging me to dig into my deep pockets and finance his new project ( Jersey Boys meet Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf), but I'm holding out until he agrees to add a chorus line.

Jack Nicholson did not beg you for money. why don't you admit it you begged him to bed you, you frustrated horny old siren, don't you think you're well past the user date.?

My gold shares went through the roof today almost paying for my new mansion.

It's more like the roof on your hovel finally caved in, beaming you on the head, and leaving you disoriented and out of touch with reality, you nut job.

I received my Census notice today and it's so official. It says on the envelope, "Your response is required by law." I've never had to do a Census form on the internet before and I'm concerned that, if I don't get it right, I'll wind up in jail.

Why would that bother you, you worthless drain on society? After all, you already have a special revolving door at the local pen, you land there so often.

I was taken aback the other day when after a medical visit, a gentleman looked at me and called me Jesus Christ and asked for a blessing. Wasn't sure what to do so I just waved my hand and nodded at him while making my escape.

Well if you bothered to shave and cut your hair, and get out of that hospital gown that shows your butt, maybe You wouldn't have to friggen been misguided as being "just" friggen Sturgis.

Wore a wicked hat at the races the other day... Felt young again

I saw you, fitted you like a rag on a bull you shrivelled up old tart, and for feeling young again, look in the mirror, and it will crack just like the lines on your face.

I'm looking fit, taut and terrific, being bothered by the opposite sex which is a bit of a nuisance.

You are actually a bum, a hobo, a tramp, a drunk, a reprobate... dressed in dirty tattered clothing, living under a bridge... you took too much medication and have been hallucinating.

I flew to Monaco for the weekend on a private jet, partied it up with some of the Royals, and had a great time.

I see you're playing with your nieces' Malibu Marcy dolls and toy planes again while drinking from your jug of homemade apple wine because face it honey, there ain't no way, no how, you'd be allowed entry to Monaco nor would any royal have anything to do with a decrepit unbathed man-stalker like you.

I am quite annoyed that my latest housekeeper did not show up again and didn't bother calling either. It's hard to locate good reliable help these days.

She did try to contact you you stupid old goat but as usual you were to drunk or drugged to hear the phone. Also get a hearing aid you're as deaf as a Dodo.

I'm talking to the Local Police Chiefs today on how to fight corruption in the Public Service, unfortunately very rife today.

So, they've been interrogating you again about those public funds you absconded with, you thieving, unethical lowlife. Can't wait until they finally toss you in the slammer where you belong.

I was very upset by a local businessman who treated me in a rudely abrupt and dismissive manner yesterday.

What sort of treatment do you expect after being caught thieving his merchandise you five fingered shop stealer.

Taking my partner out to a 5 star restaurant tonight.

Kentucky Fried Chicken is NOT a five star restaurant - even if it is all five finger licking good.

I hate having to go out in the traffic

I'm not surprised, all dim-witted brunettes have that problem, they just can't do without a real man taking control!

My gold shares took a hiding today.

The only gold you have is those frigging chocolate coins covered in imitation gold foil and they were meant for your grandkids you mean greedy man. Just don't stick them in your undershorts again that was a mess your wife still has nightmares about!

A very nice policeman came by today and we had a pleasant conversation discussing all sorts of things. Unfortunately, it was getting late and he couldn't stay for dinner.

That "nice policeman" received a report that you've been pawning a lot of stolen items, missing from your friends' apartments, and he noticed even more in your apartment. You can expect him back soon, and it won't be for dinner, you disgusting, untrustworthy thief.

I absolutely hate it that it gets dark so early now.

Look, how many times do you want people to tell you to take your friggen sun glasses off when you get inside? You really need to see someone, your mind is going on you.. Oh that was kinda nice ?

Re-arranging the house in preparation for Christmas and the full clan coming over.

Since you are an infamous hoarder living in the utmost hellish squalor that would scare the producers of A & E TV's Hoarders to death, you are going to need much more time then a single month to rearrange your house in order to make it safe enough for anyone to enter. You won't make it on time for your Christmas get-together.

I'm going to see a midnight screening of the cult Korean film, Oldboy, tonight with a few friends.