The Insult Chain Game

No, that can said "Chien" which is French for dog. You're eating dog food, dummy, but it's better than the slop you usually eat, so for you it's a treat.

I'm going to make myself a chocolate soda now.

bump

Do you really need yet another chocolate soda? All that belching from the carbonation is disturbing the entire town and the Sheriff has warned you that she will lock you up the next time.

When I was putting away my groceries I noticed that the clerk had put an extra avocado in the bag. I guess this means he likes me, he really likes me.

Would a banana in your pocket be a disappointment by comparison?

When shopping, I list from the left of the store to the right while walking up and down each aisle.

You've got your shoplifting well organized, but that doesn't make you any less a thief, you creep.

I must be allergic to something because I keep sneezing.

Amazing how the sneezing started as soon as the warden advised that you'd have to put in 6 months of Work Release before becoming eligible for parole. You clearly are just allergic to work. Wasn't that the reason you landed in the slammer after swindling those 20 elderly couples of their life savings you disgusting slob? You claimed work made you sneeze so you needed to 'borrow' their money.

The forecasters have put up a heat advisory for the remainder of the week and I'm already sweating and wondering how I'll survive it.

You'll work yourself into a state of panic, then get yourself hospitalized in a nice air-conditioned psych ward, just as you do each time they predict a heat wave, you nervous conniving mess.

I'm trying to figure out ways I can beat the heat.

You could always crawl out from under the cardboard box, and get some of that cool breeze under the flyover.

I have just picked 3lbs of redcurrants.

I hate to break it to you but red currants don't move around AT ALL. Those aren't red currants but blood filled bed bugs. Wash and bleach your bed linens, buy a new mattress, and hire an exterminator and most of all, stop living like a slob.

I'm going to a minor league baseball game with the law firm I work for this Wednesday night.

If you had been paying attention you'd understand your court-appointed lawyer said the minor league baseball team is suing you and holding a press conference Friday regarding your shenanigans streaking across the field stark naked on opening day.

There's a strange burning sensation on my left hand but it looks perfectly okay. I wonder if a doctor should look at it or maybe it's just normal.

It's probably just more lube that's needed. Try using your other hand for a few days.

I've been gardening in the midday sun, and have a bin full of weed.

Surprised the bin has anything in it the way you smoke that stuff.


I am seriously considering redoing the window dressings with new blinds and drapes.

About time, your neighbours have had enough watching your nightly frontal exhibitions.

I made a killing on the stockmarket today by selling a gold mine in South Africa.

It's good to see the meds you talked the doctors into giving you gave you pleasant hallucinations, you freeloading pauper.

I have become annoyed with my housekeeper. He just wants to sit on the couch and eat chips and nap instead of helping tidy the place up.

You mean your live in toy boy... Given he is meant to "help" you, a housekeeper does the lot, you just got busted!!!! Does he kiss you on the forehead?

Staring out the window at the dark clouds, duck ponds and plants I planted today.

You're too stoned to do much more than stare out a window.

I have some important business to conduct this week.

Finding yourself a new Lethario is high on your list you Dolly Parton impersonator.

I'm flying oversas next week for a 2 day conference

You mean it's going to take you 2 days to make a paper airplane and get it to 'soar' across the puddle in your front drive, while you talk about it with your stuffed wallaby.

My niece called earlier and is planning to visit for a few days next month. I am quite excited by this news.

You're so shunned by others, you'd probably get excited if Jack the Ripper said he was coming to see you. Don't get too excited, sucker, your niece is only coming for a visit so she can hit you up for a large sum of money, and she knows she can get more out of you if she does it in person.

I've had a terrific evening--went for a lovely drive, had a delicious dinner, listened to some wonderful music, and I'm in a really up-beat mood.

I'm very happy for you except I hate to tell you it was all in a dream, you were as drunk as a skunk when they found you with all the other derelicts under the city bridge.

The hospital nurses gave me a surprise party today.